Life — June 25, 1903 — page 8: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

590 The Mill That Jack Built. TPPHIS is the mill that Jack built— fis a mill that ten per cent., oe ‘tis founded, forsooth, on the lab youth, roof Where mules cost a heap, but where chil- a) And the stockholders’ purses are both long dren are el; and deep Beeause of this mill that Jack built! This is the mill that Jack built— The spindles are calling within ; The weak and the small must answer the call, And babyhood’s chatter can't live in the clatter 5 But the profits are big, so what else can matter? — In the wonderful mill that Jack built! This is the mill that Jack built, And Jack's a New dian. He's fair, fat and forty, and pious—not ty I give you, qu grave, rules on how to behave, For of course he can't know that each child is a slave In the wonderful mill that Jack built! This is the mill that Jack built And it prisons the children all ¢ And the wan-faced poor white slouches homeward night With its tiny strength spent, and with puny form bent, For the stockholders must have that next ten per Fromt wonderful mill that Jack built! Arto Chapman, Arabian Nights Up to Date. THE STORY OF ALADDIN AND THE WONDERFUL LAMP. al NCE upon a time, in one of our largest and most corrupt cities, dwelt a poor man named Musthava, who had a son named Aladdin, who, hoping some day that he might be- come rich, kept away from edu- cational institu- tions and played craps, One day, a stranger in town, who had escaped with his life from a Broad- way car, came up and said : “Aladdin, I am your long-lost uncle. Telephone your mother that ‘LIFE* you have been run over by an auto- mobile and temporarily disabled, and come with me into the country, where I will set you up in business.” Aladdin, who was tired of being an office boy, did as he was told, and in a short time he and his new friend, who was in reality a ‘*con ’’ man for an oil concern, were journeying through Pennsylvani: After awhile they came to a place between two mountains that Quay had overlooked, and Aladdin’s alleged uncle said to him: “Here, my boy, is a rock with a ringin it, Lift it up, and underneath you will find a pair of stairs.” Aladdin did as he was told, and the stairs appeared. “Now,” said the uncle, ‘take this rheumatism ring in case you need it, and go downstairs and get a lamp you will see just beyond the picnic ground, where you can dally awhile and pick chestnuts if you wish. You will know the lamp at once, because the oil in it is priceless and it’s marked Standard Oi! Aladdin obeyed, but when once he saw the lamp he caught right on “That man,’ he observed, “is no uncle of mine. He wants that lamp for a purpose. But I'll see him in Brooklyn first before he gets it.”” So saying, he returned; but whe he came to his alleged uncle, he merely observed, dryly * Uncle, dear, I know a good thing when I see it,’ and putting the lamp carefully in his pocket, rubbed bis rheumatism ring briskly, and in a jiffy was transported ba into his little Harlem flat. “Mother,” he observed, joyfully, “this is a cinch. he price of oil is rising every day, and this lamp is full of it.” So saying, he rubbed the lamp, and it began to flow crude petroleum so fast that they couldn't get barrels enough to fiil it. “‘Now, mother,” said Aladdin, “I have long had my eye on the daughter of J. Mortimer Bondheaps, Esquire, and the mere fact that she has jost been married to his grand secretary shall prove no obstacle.”” Going out and buying the nearest eighteen - thousand -dollar automobile for spot cash, he ordered the chauffeur to bring the beautiful girl to him at once, **As for her husband,”’ he ex- claimed, ‘remove him to Jersey City, where he will never bother me again.” This was no sooner said than done, and when the beautiful girl was brought before him, Aladdin said: “My ownest own, I've just bought a lot on the Avenue right next to your pa's, and I will make you a leader of the smart set if you will be mine.” Sure,” said his beloved, as she ob- served the name on the lamp and what it stood for. The next morning the house was completed and the marriage duly chronicled in all the society columns. Aladdin's alleged uncle, however, had not been idle. He was now a popular labor leader, and learning that Aladdin was to be absent in Pittsburg at a directors’ meeting, he sent a plumber to the house to make repairs, The plumber said he needed a light in the basement, and then made way with the lamp. When Aladdin got back from Pitts- burg, much to his surprise he found his new house and wife had been transported to Hoboken, and then by the aid of his trusty rheumatism ring, in less time than it takes to tell, he was on a Hoboken ferryboat. After a journey of several days, he arrived at his destination. “What shall I do?” said his wife's new maid from the second floor front. “Your uncle is running the whole place—that is, all except me and the rest of the servants.” “Here,” said Aladdin, *‘ give him this breakfast food, and when he has passed away, hand out that lamp Tho rest is history. Aladdin's leged uncle's brother came home from the Texas oil region, where he was getting up several pools, and started an insurrection, but it fell flat. Ina few years more Aladdin owned nearly all the whole country, including the Baptist Church and the entire educational system, and then, to show there was no hard feeling, raised the price of oil two cents a gallon. Tom Masson, N° heart is big enough to hold both love and happiness. comicbooks.com | |