Life, 1903-05-14 · page 9 of 20
Life — May 14, 1903 — page 9: what you’re looking at
What you’re looking at
This page contains three distinct pieces of satire: 1. **"Rules for Metropolitan Street Railway Conductors"** — A mock-serious list mocking streetcar conductors' rudeness and poor customer service. It advises them not to call passengers insulting names, to handle complaints professionally, and to treat refined women with respect. The humor lies in the obvious gap between these reasonable suggestions and actual conductor behavior. 2. **"Patriotism"** — Critiques jingoistic naval advocacy, arguing that merely wanting a "big navy" reflects shallow patriotism. The satire targets vague nationalism detached from reasoned policy. 3. **"Modern Journalism"** — Mocks sensationalist newspaper practices, suggesting papers print eye-catching headlines unrelated to actual article content solely to boost sales. All three pieces target institutional incompetence and dishonesty in early 20th-century American life.
📄 Transcribed text from this page (OCR, searchable)
Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.
Rules for Metropolitan Street Railway Conductors. ON'T take the name of the Lord in vain. Say it in a way to make it count, Don’t call a passenger a stiff, when he is a slob or a lobster. Be sure you're right, then go ahead. All inadvertent courtesies on your part must be re- ported in detail, with the names of witnesses. Don’t let refined and sen- sitive women get on without embracing them and breath- ing in their faces. When people complain to you, pretend you don't hear. It isno part of your business to laugh at jokes. Be all things to all men, except, of course, the right thing. Patriotism. TP HE proposed Navy League, if its purpose be, as reported, ‘to keep telling the people that they want a big navy,” is not likely to avail much, Weare dense, Merely telling us that we want a big navy will make no impression. What we need is to be told frankly that any person who does “SKE THERE, JOBN OLD-PASHIONED STAG THAT's aN acu." [eum Wetertrotems The Accepted Suitor : not want a big navy is a pervert and a copperhead, We are not unpatriotic, but our patriot- ism is a vague, nebulous sentiment, scarcely rising above the childish conceit that he who loves his neighbor as he loves himself serves his country well. girl is fly “It means, my boy, all the way from twenty-five dollars cash to ten thousand dollars a year.” YOU DIDN'T SEEM TO LIKE ME, AT FinteT. OM, THAD To GET USED To YOUR FACE, You KNOW." Modern Journalism. “ W HAT is this?"’ we ask of the newsboy who hands us a neatly printed coupon with the paper we have purchased. “Dat ticket,”’ he explains, ‘is good fer de part of de poiper wot has de artickels in it dat fits de headlines dat fills de part of de poiper I sells yer.”” We pass on, amazed at the strides made by journalistic enterprise, even in our own day. comicbooks.com