Life — May 14, 1903 — page 16: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

CAESAR AT THE TELEPHONE, Ni ‘onfound your muckle-headed cai Flushed with victory, Col. Julius Caesar left the t that?” scene of battle and hurried to the nearest telephone booth t you said Never mind what you thought. I'm doing the Hello, central," he sald. “Give me Rome.” thinking for this community just now. We've just “A little louder, please,” sald contr won a great bi and I want you to put a bulletin “Give me ROME! on the walls of the city where everybody can sce it.” Stand closer to the ‘phone, put your lips Yes alte.” a firm ton r write it down now, so you'll get it n, now. Are you ready?” against the receiver, and speak in ordered central “Think I am going to climb into this thing?” sire asked Cxsar. “You connect me with Rome . say, ‘Veni, Vidl, Vici!" there'll be another magazine article provided 1 Yes, sire; I have it. Deany, Bidy, Bicy.” here, with you as the central illustration.” “No, no! Veni, Vidi, Vici!" Here's your party,” was the only reply “Sheeny, 5 Hello!” yelled Casar, “Is this Rome?" Gre ens! Were you never at school? Ye Veni, Vidi, ‘Oh! , Widy, Wicy. I'll go and tell Mrs. Calphurn . “Here! You haven't got it at all! I said Veni, Vidi Ihave It now, Clean eye, cried I—" Now by the shade of Mars, this is too much! Pa Out upon thee, dog! Would that my fist could reach thee, even as my voice doth! Back to the woods !"* “Tell it me once again, and I— “LM tell you to—— Here central broke in, asking: Did you get your party?” Then did the royal rage of the late J. Caesar man itself, and the telephone building was scattered over the plain, while the central girly fled shrieking for home d mothe aeqyby, this le: Cessar, And thus it hat the 1 populace of . must n until the slow feet of a “Not Cacear"? nger brow them gs of the glorious victory.—Chicago Tribunc The connection was made “Hello! Is this the palace? “Who Is this?” “Horatio Claudius, the messenger.” “Hello, “Ratius. Koow who this is “No, sir. “I can't guess. Who is it? “Don't you know my voice? “No. Whose is it? “Aw, can't you guess who it is?” “Tell me who you are and what you want, please “Well, that’s a Joke on you." Who is speaking, anyway?” “Wheezer? I don't know any Wheezers “L sald Cesar! zer? Who in the wor——" A Misstsstrrt man made the following reply “Cesar! C-A-E-S-A-R! Dadgum to a matrimonial advertisement recently: “In you bear thunder? Jullus Caesar! 1 close my p a h My Full Description. 1 whole thing! Got It now? p shows the ures as nachel as can bee only It Ing to you?” fs to Dark; I am very lite Complexion, Gray eyes, “Yes, sire." Orbo: G-foot high, waight 190 Lbs, inclined “That sounds more like it. Pretty st to be np shouldered; A Muskler Man and affairs when I have to identify myself every tim widower 28 years old with A nen School Eq I want to Issue an order! Nice state of thin tions, but hav Got Anof to Atten to Enny Business. must say! Now, listen I am Strictly Morrel, Don't use Tobacco Nor Whis- Yes, sire.” key.” He is anxious to have her understand that “We've just a great battle— her “Age. Complecktions, wait and All Suits me to atee, Kind Loving Girl. I hav Only One Thing to Lire 1s for swle by all Newsdealers in Great Britain, The Internatioual News Offer. And it ts Neither Lands Nar Gol. Buy Strong Arm and True Hart and will Lay Dows yy Life for the Rite Girl Be happy, for i am ting of living Alone. The Girl that Steels my Hu and takes my Name for the Remainder of My Lit will make Happy, for I am Hunting a Girl th: can idleise and Make a Angle of. © 7 Tribune. Tie latest evidence we have seen that schoolmaster Is abroad, and that the star of ture takes its way westward, Is In a letter which has been handed us. It {s the production of 5 captain of industry who shall be nameless, by who evidently anticipated Mr. Schwab’ sedulously avoided a college education duce it verbatim, dates and sig; “Yours of 11 inst. Rec, & Contens ply Will State that i am Over loaded With Pe! ers Literature of al} Kinds, and Will not Exc Your Paper, So Please Send No More Coppys. Yours and Oblige."—New York Post. ANNOUNCEMENT f!! To remove all apprehension or misapprebersi: oa the part of our readers, we wish to annos (contrary to a statement published a few days ago in the Ladies’ Home Journal) that Mr. C. G. DS son’s work will positively not appear in the Les. poon, Owing to our refusal of Mr. Dibson's ofer of $8,000,000, etc., for the privilege of dra’ 2 us, he intends to go into highly imaginative work nd has signed a contract to illustrate ts for the Harvard Advocate.—Harvard Lam; A KINDLY Massachusetts. man was tinldiy wending bis way through the effete West st chanced in a restaurant in one of fromtbr towns. The waiter was armed with a sorrosts! towel tled about bis walst, a dented tin tray ast a couple of guns. The Easterner looked him over in a gentle way and asked him if he bad ay breakfast food. “I guess yes," responded the cor boy waiter. “We got ham and ¢ fried sausage chuck steak, spareribs, mutton chops, corned bx! hash, hog and hominy, light bread, heavy toast bread, apple butter, peach butter, cow butter coffee, tea, buttermilk and beer. Breakfast fect! Well, that's our winner. Name your gred"— Springfield Republican Company, Rream's Bullding, Chancery Lane, London, E.C., England, AGENTS. Established 1823. raeageriner WILSON Hunter Baltimore WHISKEY Rye That’s All! America’s Best Whiskey. Baltimore, Md. Wa, Lanauan & Sox, Baltimore, Md. THE WILSON DISTILLING 00., ROYAL L. LEGRAND sci tessvincny (ors bus pare 10% comicbooks.com