Life — April 30, 1903 — page 8: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

Bores. ‘HE race of bores is never extinct. When we have ar- ranged our affairs with 99 satisfaction, when we have so ordered things that our pride in this personal achievement of heterogeneity is at its height, the bore steps in and Our control isforth- are henceforth irre- tells us his stor: with gone—we sponsible. One of the peculiar things about a bore is that he never knows himself. Presumably a camel knows that he is a camel, that is, he distinguishes him- self from other creatures by certain subjective evidences. A pretty girl knows that she is a pretty girl, and a plain girl is apt to know that she is plain, though she may notacknowledgi it. Andsoon, Buta bore is always safe in his ignorance. It penetrable armor that p ves him intact. He goes his ov y, sub- limely indifferent to the wrecks that strew his cour: deaf to the groans and curses that rise in his rear Nothing succeeds like the bore, Browning has intimated that constant failure is the measure of a man's suc- cess, That's what's the matter with the bore. He tries to be interesting, and is a constant failure. The very effort that he puts forth, in proportion as it is persistent, unflagging, makes him all the more a bore. is this im- Bores are not divided into classes, or if they are, there are only two—bores and bores. But they do not all deal with the same subjects, The experience of a bore varies, of course, as in the case of other indi- viduals, and it is in proportion that this experience is extensive that his sphere is enlarged. The plain, ordinary bore has lived only in one locality. It is not his fault if his destructiveness is limited. His stories are of one type, his tales of ad- venture smack of one atmosphy When a bore travels, however, what a range is added to his effectiveness ! The world is his oyster. He may be able to bore you in seven lan- guages Bores all have the same charac- ‘LIFEs teristics — they talk and they stick. The introspective bore takes you aside and tells you about himself—his feelings, bis sorrows, his misunder- standings—no ray of humor lights this deadly stream of psychologic monotony. It is serious—more serious than a tem- perance lecture or the Salvation Army. The story-telling bore, on the con- trary, is a fiend of another type. He grabs you firmly by the collar. ‘Have you heard?" he begins. Youhave. He knows you have. But it makes no difference. There is no known antidote for the bore. We cannot club him to death. In this respect we are behind primitive man. Our manners have not helped us. Primitive man, when his tormentor began, “ Have you heard?” could brain bim promptly with a bronze ax, and no one cared, We can, of course, politely tell him that he is a bore. But this only ex- cites his enmity. Henceforth he will talk about you to others, Thus un- consciously you will have become a party to his crime. Every home, every office, every hotel and theatre lobby, every point of van- tage, so to speak, should be provided with a bore escape. And when the victim sounds an alarm, the entire fire department and police force, if necessary, should step in and make the bore use it. Tom Masson. A Sad Outlook. UNTIE: Do you let your husband have a room to himself? Mrs. McBrive: Oh, yes; of course he must have a place to smoke in. “You poor dear, I see your future through a rain of tears. He’ll sneak off there and lock himself in whenever you want to talk to him seriously. You mark my words.” ARBITRATION. comicbooks.com