Life — April 2, 1903 — page 24: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

AMT SE159°R, AVG NLL) NO BACILLUS HUGGIBUS. They tell us microbes lurk upon The pouting ruby lps; That fierce bacilli lurk, to grab With terrifying grips The man who dares to take a kiss Without a trembling shrug— But let's be thankful they have found No microbes in a hug The germs of every known complaint Are in the air we breathe— Each honeyed nothing we may hear With direst ills may seethe ; Who knows? The coyest glance 1 A bad microbie thug! It’s good to know th A microbe in the have not found hug We will not lay us down and die, ‘or petulantly sneeze, Because of any Hlnesses Contracted in So bring the bobsled and the girl And tuck yourselve One Joy of life remains unseath: No microbes in a hug! —Chicago squeeze. in snug “Have you ever heard the story about the man with the torn coat?" asked Senator Depew recently, after shaking hands with an old Albany friend Is this one of your own make?” queried the friend. “The story, or the coat?” retorted the Senator, as he cleared his throat. “Well, A man and his wife went to a dinner danc arrived so late that the dressing-roon The wife noticed a rip in her husb: therefore led him into the ladies’ saying she could fix the tear with a pin ination, however, she found she could not rent unless he took off the garment. The took it off “Just then footsteps voices. The busband, for an avenue of escape, door besides the one by The wife was still ing her husband, through the second bebind bim. “At th dressing-room and it was this way: They mpty She -room, 3 wei nds dressin On coat exam- nd the husband were heard, in a fright, but saw only which they terror-stricken pitately and turned and ed women's around other loc one ad and, shoved the ered. ore selz him lock doorway, prec same inst ame into the discovered nt two women the wife standin Live 1s for sale by alt there with a man’s coat in her hands. She at- tempted to explain, but her words were drowned by a series of ferocious poundings on the door through which ber husband had disappeared. “Open the door! Open the door!" he shouted. “ ‘I can't!’ shrieked the poor wife. ‘There are two women here!’ Hang the women!’ again. ‘I'm out here York Tribune shouted in the the poor wretch ballroom ! “I sen the ships," said the Eavesdropper, as he stole round the world to me, “on a dozen sides of the world. I hear them fighting with the sea.” “And what do you see on the ships?” I said. “Figures of men and women—thousands of fig- ures of men and women.” “And what are they doing?” “They are walking fiercely.” them—walkin fore the sea.” “Why?” said 1 “Because they cannot stand still and look at it Others are reading in chairs because they cannot sit still and look at it “And there are some.” said the Eavesdropper, “with roofs of boards above their heads (to protect them from Wonder) down in the hold—playing cards.” There was silence. he said, “some of fiercely up and down the decks be: “What are you seeing now “Trains,” he sald, “a glo are on a dozen sides of it crusts of it—moun the light and some 1 sald. full of trains. They They are clinging to the ns—rivers—prairies—some in in the dark—creeping through spac “And what do you see in the trains ‘Miles “And the f “They are pushing on the trains.” “What are y “Cities.” he streets of citles.”” “And what do you see in th “Men, women, and smoke.” “And what are the men “Hurrying.” said he. “Where?* said I God knows."—From “The by Gerald Stanley Lec a seeing now?" T sald—"“streets said, of cities—milex of streets of cith and women doing?” Lost Art of Read- ing,” Wun Roscoe Conkling first began the practice of law in New York, he lost a most important mur- der case on which he had worked very hard, not only for the fee, which he needed badly, but for a reputation which he had to make. Despite his ef. forts, bis client was hanged, Later, when he pre- sented his bill to the man's family, they refused to pay It, on the ground that it was excessive. He took the bill to Charles O'Conor, the great criminal lawyer, asking him to pass judgment as to the equity of bis charges. O'Conor scanned the ac- count very closely, and then, turning to Conkling, very gravely remarked: ‘Well, Conkling, taking into consideration the enormous amount of energy and time you have devoted to this case, the ch: are reasonable; but see here, Conkling, don't think the man could have been hanged money than that?"—argonaut for less Recently a Winchester (Va.) Washington to visit the parents of her Upon her return bome her old colored me to see her, and said to her, “Honey 1 goin’ to git married?” The engagement bad not been announced, so the young woman replied “Why, I don't know, auntie; I am not even gaged. What do you think of that?” — The colored woman said: “Laws-a-me, but tha tanly am a pity; but, Miss Nancy, they do that cle maids Is the happlest critters there | once they quits strugglin'."—Harper’s Magaziu cam: Banee, ma wh girl to : ature tent a mech foot the hy ran My brother Jakey’s got a good job.” “Where's be working?” “Down to the electric light plan “Picking currents off the wires “Yes. How did you guess? He the Job; it's such lHght- work.”—Ci mercial-Tribunc. likes co says cinnati Rear Apaurat Frank Wives, cently, used to be fond of telling of that a Boston clergyman once gave tion who died re a great his congrega I wa “and born in Boston.” Admiral Wildes would say in my boyhocd attended church ther Well, at church one Sunday morning there wa ms, a couple to be married after the servi The minister made the announcement in this way: ‘The parties that are to be joined in matri- mony will present themselves immediately after the ging of Hymn No. 245—"Mistaken Souls That New York Tribune, ‘ewsdealers tn Great Britain, The Internattonal Compans, Rream's Building, Chancery Lane, London, B.C, England, AGENTS. Established 1823. WILSON WHISKEY That’s All! {HB WILSON DISTILLING ©0., Baltimore, Md. 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