Life — March 26, 1903 — page 15: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

*LIPE* GETTING ACQUAINTED, A Busy Day. T was exactly nine o'clock as the President of the great American college briskly en- tered his office and said good morning to his typewriters. “Ladies,” he said, you have a busy day before you. I find that during the last month we have only taken in two millions of dollars in donations, and only two blocks of buildings have been added to our institution, We must get a move on!” Sitting down at his desk, he touched an electric gong that summoned his staff of confidential advisers from the football field, “Gentlemen,” he said, as they entered, ‘ get to work! In tho first place, we need more display. Put your minds WHEN THE THERMOMETER 18 LOW. 273 on some new and attractive begging letters to be sent out to millionaires. No man in this country who has a cent to give away must be allowed to escape. How many drummers are out?” “Eleven,” was the answer. “Then double the force. I heard yesterday that in New York alone, Mr. Rockefeller, in the whole of last week, had only been seen ten times. This will never do. Our millionaires must not be allowed to sleep. I hope that in six months from now we shall be able to add several square miles to our labo- ratories. And now, let me see some of my professors.’” A tall, spare inan entered. “Ah, Professor Sharper, what have you been doing lately?”” “For the past twenty- four hours, sir, I have been engaged in some original researches.’” “Good! Have these been reported to the papers?" “Not yet, sir. There have been no results.”” ‘Results ! What do we care for results? What we want is notoriety. Leave me at once, sir, and secure an interview with one of the reporters who are waiting in the anteroom. What do we pay you ten thousand a year for, if it isn’t to furnish at A SHADY sToRY. comicbooks.com