Life — March 12, 1903 — page 15: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

IN FORTY-SECOND STREET. “1 wonDER IP "LL caTcH MY TRAIN.” The Worst Newspaper. closed on March Ist. Announcement of prize- nade as soon as possible after the publication of (The cont winner will be contributions. Nemper Nine. ely the worst newspaper in the FPPHE Pitsburg Dispatch is posit United § he one rel sections, for the purpose of denying in the second the assertions tes. item in it is the date, It is printed in two first. © up of itissaids, rumorhas' garnished with pink ink. acold izes, on reading i has met, sometime ago, ina better place. Its editorials are reminiscent of the animal that is neither dog g it has not bark enough, and for a goat made in th cordingtos and similar If, by chance, it reports that it is au old friend one nor goat, because, for a di negative A philanthropist has offered $7 : analyze and clearly state the Dispatch’s political position, but nobody ever even made an attempt to carn the money. Pittsburg Dispatch can safely be read b; news, or by those who read “anyhow,” or by those whose mo standing is so low that they do not care how they spend two cents United St y It is a newspaper only because it has to be classified somehow, and it could not be called either a bill-poster, or a patent medicine circular, as it lacks toughness as well as sanitary qualities. It is useless. Wilkinsburg, person who could Crisis. Vv 7 ASHINGTON : Cipher dispatches from Caracas con- firm the rumor that a strange man with a camera is taking things in Venezuela. The report that he is a German with an English mother is believed to be exaggerated. however, that the na all repairs. Wasnincton : The German Ambassador acknowledges that the man with a camera, at Caracas, is a subject of His Imperial Majesty Wilhelm II. But he insists that oniy a cow anda few natives have been taken, thus far, and that there is no disposition to take territory. The crisis is believed to be passed. The Irish Lover, Tee Englishman's love is a model of form, Respectable, dominant, never too warm, His cardiac temperature may be found, Where it should be, at seventy all the year round. ‘There is no lack of fire in the hot Gallic heart, But it errs when it makes of love-making an art, Instead of an instivet, like fighting or fun— Eael Hent thing, if it’s not overdone. The Irishman isn't like Briton or Gaul ; He says, Love is your affair; manage it all.” He woos in a natural, rollicking way And sighs just as seldom as one in love may. The President does not deny, yards have been ordered to hasten He is willing, but not at all anxious, to die For her sake, if she asks him, but wants to know why. His compliments please, for, between you and me, He sees only just what he wishes to In dealing with women he finds truth is best And blarney is only the truth neatly dressed. Should she pout or refuse hit, he will not complain ; Homeopathy lends hint a balm for his pain. Bat when he wins some one, he gives her the key Of his heart aud his purse, well contented to be In a limited monarchy head of the state, With a clever prime minister keeping him s And she who becomes this plain gentleman’ Has a lord and a lover the whole of her li James Jeffrey Roche, ight; wife comicbooks.com