Life — March 5, 1903 — page 14: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

Harold and His Pa. (PA, T've got something to own up to.”” “All right—unburden yourself.” HOE “Will you scold me?" “Not if you are real penitent. What have you been doing, anyway?" “Well, I haven't got my geography lesson right, and tlie teacher says | ould study it more at home.” “Your teacher is right. You mustn't be an ignoramus, my boy, no matter what else you are.” “What is an ignoramus?” “Oh, anyone who doesn't know his lesson, A doctor may be an igno- ramus, or a member of the Senate, or even an expert in a popular murder case.” ‘Gracious! pa, and I want you to help me. you tell me about geography?” “Of course, my dear boy. Just ask me what you want to know.” “Well, pa, where is New York?" “It’s situated on the first floor of the Waldorf-Astoria.” “What's that? A country?” “No, it's a caravanserai. ‘Oh, my, what a word! vanserai?"? You wouldn't understand if I told you. It’s a sort of a place of public irreverence where people go who are too rich to live in homes, Ask me something easier.” “All right. Tell me where Wash- ington is.”” “It’s a small hamlet, located at the foot of Wall Street.’” “Why, I thought it was a glorious capitol.” “Yes, every four years—on election day—it’s the most glorious capitol in the world. On other days it is what I have said.” “How nice to know that. Now, pa, what part of the world is the United States in?” “It is in that part, my son, known as the Morgan belt, which extends from latitude 32 north to 32 south.” Is it very far from Boston?” “What? The United States?’ I don’t want to be one, Will What is a car: : LIE * “Oh, no! It’s just south of Boston. Boston people often visit the United States—when they come to New York.” “And how about Chicago, ‘s a place I have heard of.” es, my boy, every one has heard of Chicago, except the people who . Louis. Chicago occupies the rest of the country.” “How is that?” “T will explain. Tammany Hall, the Waldorf, Wall Street and the Standard Oil, together with Mr. Carnegie’s house, occupy one part of the Morgan belt, and Chicago oc- cupies the rest.” “Oh, my! I hope I shall remember all those names. But isn’t Philadel- phia somewhere near Chicago?” “Oh, no. Philadelphia is about two hundred years away from Chicago.” “But, pa, I thought every country had cities.” “It has, my boy. That is one of its complaints. The State of New York, which is a sort of half country, has been troubled with Albany for some time, and The Morgan Belt, which is really a country in a way, has long had Kansas on the knee. It’s hard to explain all these distinctions to your young mind, but remember what I have said, and some day you will understand.” “But whi “A city is a collection of individ- uals banded together for mutual dis- comfort.” “Is Brooklyn a city?” “Well, hardly. Brooklyn is a polyga- mous trolley run, entirely surrounded by pressed brick.” « “And what is a State?” “A State is a large piece of wooded and cleared land, almost entirely cov- ered by mortgages and owned by politicians.” “And what is a country?” “Oh, any place where an Irishman or a Jew hails from.” “Dear me, my head fs so full! I guess I have learned enough. My, but you are a great man!” “Thank you, my boy, I know some- thing. If you digest all I’ve tgld you, you will be at the head of your class.” “That's so, pa. What a surprise I will be to my teacher.” Tom Masson. pa? In Praise of Tobacco. all the good things man has found ‘catered upon this planet round, Tobacco surely holds its ground, — A weed delici No other green leaf y' Delight ; no flower has fragrance such ; No plant, its virtue with a touch vicious. A pipeful after breakfast when I read the morning paper; then, At luncheon one small whiff again,— A tube of tissue: And, after dinner, a ci An easy chair beside the Wherein the good Hayanas are, ‘Too close to miss you. Life is at best a journey brief, And Time pursues us like a thief, But if one cultivate the Leaf There is no hurry. A friend, it cheers one on the way, And helps to lengthen out the day, And keeps the hair from turning gray With care and worry. Virginia, Turkish, or Perique,— A pull of incense and a streak Of smoke that almost seems to speak In sweet aroma! And may the good Tobacco last s we to life hold fast, h, the old iconoclast, Brings his diploma! Frank Dempster Sherman, A TRIPLE BeMIND THR Times. CSE hopes that the Congregational- ist clergyman of Chicago who has advised the Baptists, being pretty flush, to buy out the other churches and con- solidate them, is not in earnest. Chris- tianity is already beyond the reach of If we were to go much the Government would be forced, in order to protect the consumer, to seize and operate the churches, and that would be socialism. comicbooks.com