Life — February 19, 1903 — page 3: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

THE MERRY WAR MANCEUVRES. Out o'er the ocean's mighty breast Loud rang the cannon’s roar; the cruiser’s bridge there stood tenants I to IV. ¢ Admiral so stanch and true Then calmly viewed the fray. While through his hat tmaginary Bullets tore their way. Imaginary men wero ¢ Imaginary blood so red, Imaginary sea-wolves fed, ughout the sunlit day. Imaginary shot and shell Plowed through the quivering afr, he Admiral then raved and tore Imaginary hair. For well he knew that down below Lay on the mess-room floor Imaginary sailors in imaginary gore. Imaginary wounds they had, Imaginary foes were glad, Imaginary parents sad And wounds and blood galore. The Admiral then turned unto Lieutenant No, IV, Requesting bim as referee To figure up the score; And getting out bis little book, He sadly sighed sald: “According to the latest rules, For two days we've been dead. Imaginary shot and shell, Imaginary mines as well, Imaginary minds now tell, That we the sharks have fed.” Emerson Browen in the United Service. —Porter LAUNCHED ON LIFE'S BILLOWY SEA. About seventy-five people gathered at Hotel Paisley last Thursday evening to witness the cere- mony that bound together the lives of Mr. Joba Simmons and Ida Hamilton. Rev. Stark officiated in an able and impressive manner. . . . The bride looked charming attired in a white silk dress trimmed in white appliqué, and carrying a bouquet of pretty flowers. The groom looked at his best in a suit of black. The sacred ceremony was begun, pursued, and ended without the slight- est hesitation... Such joy prevailed that the happy moments seemed to flee all too rapidly; but for an hour prattle and chatter and merry laughter gave evidence of supreme happines: Following is the Ist of gifts recelved: Syrup jug, Frances Suit, . . shaving mug Michael and Pearl Suit, syrup jug Mr. and Mrs. V. Conn, syrup jug Mr. and Mrs. Alvin Moss, syrup jug and tray Mr. and Mrs. Frank Light, syrup jug Mr. and Mrs, J. J. Moore, pocketbook from groom to bride, Hair chain from bride to groom.—Che- twwaucan (Wis.) Post. Ir 18 related that while in New York, Professor Lorenz one evening at dinner was seated next to a clergyman, who was describing to the great Aus- trian how deplorable were moral conditions on the East Side, “Why, professor,” said the minister, “T heard an eleven-year-old girl over there one day up to a boy of about her own age, and sa! ‘I'l lick hell out of you.’ Dr. Lorenz looked puz- zled, for he is not familiar with American stan| “Lick,” he said; “was {st dos ‘ick? “Why, ‘lick,’ sald the clergyman, a little puzzled in re- turn, “‘‘lick’ is to kick out of, to stamp out from, to eradicate.” “Oh,” said the professor, “and “hell.” I don’t know ‘hell.’ “Well, ‘hell’ stands for all wickedness, everything that is wicked.” Yes, I see,” slowly responded Dr. Lorenz; “tho tle girl said to the leetle boy she would stamp out, eradicate everything wicked from him, But why should that be so bad?"—Argonaut. ConcuessMaNn CANNON, who fs a power In argu- ment and quick at repartee, enjoys displays of sim- ilar resourcefulness in others. During a hot summer campaign in Illinois he sought temporary rest in a hammock stretched under the trees in the yard of a country hotel. From his window the shade Icoked inviting, but on the spot be found the lawn strewn with tomato cans, potat: peelings, and other débris. On many of these more or less unsanitary mounds were myriads of files. ‘ “I had no sooner stretched myself in the ham- mock,” said Mr. Cannon, “than these fles attacked me, seemingly by the million. It was intolerable, and in no pleasant frame of mind I looked up the proprietor. “What do you mean,’ I demanded, ‘by stretcb- ing your hammock in that fy-baunted field of tor- ture you call a lawn? “"I know the flies are bad out there now,’ he answered, ‘but, Mr. Cannon, you ought to use th hammock during hammock hours, and you'd have no trouble from the fics." “What are hammock hours? I inquired. "From 12 noon to 2 P. M. daily,’ he replied. ‘During those hours flies will not attack you in the hammock.’ “I was much Interested in the man's Socratic skill in evading the issue, and wishing to draw bim out I asked: “Why are there no fies around the hammock between 12 and 27° “Oh, he rejoined, ‘at that time they're all in the dining-room.' "—Saturday Evening Post. JAMAICA Ne 98! WEST INDIES An {deal spot in which to spend & winter's vacation Sod avold all the extremes of the northera cilmate. UNITED FRUIT CO.’S STEAMSHIP LINES operate weekly hetween BOSTON and PHILADEL- PUIA and JAMAICA, the magalficent twin-screw U.S. Mali Sieamships’: Admiral Dewey Admiral Sampson Admiral Schley Admiral Farragut Saillags Weekly from Boston and Philadelphia Fare for round trip, including stateroom accommmo- dations and meals, $75; one way, $40. Send for our beautifal booklet whether you contem- plate the trip or not UNITED FRUIT COMPANY Pier 5, North Wharves, Long Wharf, PHILA. BOSTON Pall Information and Tickets of Local Agent Fancy Apples from the famous Lake Shore sec- tion of Western New York. Kings, Baldwins, Greenings, Northern Spys, Russets, Spitzenburgs, Seek-no-furthers, Etc, Each one selected, wrapped with great care, singly in paper and per- fectly packed in boxes. In single varicties or assorted. . Delivered at your door, all charges paid, for $3.00 per box containing 100 to 125 apples ac- cording to size and variety, cash with order, Also Fancy Evaporated Apples prepared and packed by us, suitable for sauces, pics, etc. Will keep in- definitely. Directions inside. 25-Ib. box, $3.50; 50-lb. box, $6.00. Money refunded if mot as we state. Weare the largest individual shippers of apples in the United States, Our cold storage capacity is 20000 barreis, E.M.Upton & Co. Hilton, N.Y “Built to run and does tt A practical realization of the id man's masterpiece of mechanical sim- plielty, ‘The Oldsmobile is the child of ne- cessity, amply filling the demand for arcliable, speedy and eafe Automo- bile at a popular price. Its advantages are evidenced by the satisfaction of its 7000 drivers. Imitations always lack the perfection of the origi ¢ plover runabout is The Best Thing oa Wheels. Price $650.00, Write for illustrated book to Dept. J. Olds Motor Works, Detroit, Mich, comicbooks.com