Life — January 29, 1903 — page 8: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

HICH is the worst daily news- paper in the United States, and why? Lire’s Contest to decide this important question is beginning to attract wide attention. pry F-=) one is invited to compete, and no daily newspaper in the country, no matter how bad it is, need suffer by being left Remember, that a Prize of Fifty out. Numper Five. HE owner of the New York Ameri- can—so-called because itis printed in red on white paper and, after seeing a copy, one has the blues—was seated at hisdesk. He looked worried. Turning to his assistant, he said, “ Yousay there have been no divorces or scandals in high so- ciety for next Sun- was the no mammoth skeletons of s of the time of Adam have been asked Mr. Hearst. “None, sir,”’ said the assistant. “ Well, we'll have to make the story, ‘Are There Ants on Mars?’ the feature Sand And also have an editorial on ‘ The Effect of Intoxicating Liquor ona Calf.’ And, by the way, did the Whiskey Trust take a double-page ad? “Yes; and they want itin the edi- ial section, too,’’ said the assistant. sall right. Also print that A New Drink to Stimulate What the people want is something to talk about, and we must excite them, id Mr. Hearst. “Shall we say much abont your political affairs?’ asked the assistant. “*Well—ahem—no. Iam Congress- man,"’ replied Hon. W. R. Hearst. “That's been mentioned; a Missouri paper now wants me for President in 1904. If I can lower the morals of the American in any way, I may accept the nomination. However, I don't care to be noticed at present. <A couple of *LIFE: THE WORST NEWSPAPER. Dollars in Gold is offered for the cleverest contribution showing why any particular daily newspaper is the worst in the United States. ConpiTIons. Competitors must limit thelrarguments to three hundred words each. Write on one aide of the paper only The contest will close March 1, 1903, and the award will be made as soon thereafter as the respective merits of the arguments can be de- termined, pages in green and red abort my po- litical affairs will be enough.” Just then a newsboy on the street cried out, ‘ Extry American—A case of eggs busted in a runaway.” E. F. Couch, HE worst daily newspaper in the United States is the Richmond Daily Pal- ladinin because : It con- tains no news ; is never fanny ; has no policy because no editor; has no circulation because no policy unknown because it lacks circulation ; has no advertising because unknown ; is issued from an empty shack, without capital and without staff; says noth- ing; means nothing; does nothing; goes nowhere; is never read and rarely seen. Is as jess as the hole in a doughnut or the curl in a pig's tail, and accomplishes the same results. Hfow it exists and why are unanswer- able questions because there are no answers. It does, That's all. C,H. Opper. Neuen Sever. “ (OHERE are three kinds of journal- ism here,” a New York news- paper man once said; “New York journalism, Brooklyn journalism, and the Mait and Express.” Lire may be surprised to hear that the Muil and Erpress is not meant to be a funny paper. I tried to find out about it over the telephone, but learned that the paper had no telephone. Then I called on the city editor. “How do yon get news without a *phone ?"” I queried. “Doesn't our headline explain it- self?"’ the city editor asked wearily. The winning argument will be printed, together with such others as may seem to Live worthy of that distinguished honor. Names and addresses of the writers should accompany all mannscripta. Jn no case wilt these be printed without permission of the vender. Those who desire their manuscripts returned should enclose a stamped and addressed return envelope. Fach manuscript may bear a pseudonym which ‘will be printed with the argument. ‘The Editors of Live ure to be the sole judges of the merits of the arguments. “The lighter matter comes by Mail, the heavier by Express.” “Is the Mail and Express a joke?" 1 questioned. “Some say so; others think it a tragedy.” “* Who runs it?” “ Any one who pays to,’’ replied the city editor. “ Who edits it?” “[ think,” said the city editor yawn- ing, ‘that the present editor is dead, but maybe he’s only sleeping.” We heard a rumbling sound. *“*Don't be alarmed,”’ said the city editor. ‘*That’s only the managing editor snoring. He needs the rest, poor fellow | Hasn't slept a wink for two hours.” ** What kept him awake?” “The subscriber was seriously ill,’’ replied the city editor. “We were afraid we'd lose him.” “Is he the man who signs letters ‘Constant Reader’?” No,’’ said the city editor. onstant Reader.’ "” “* How about the European letters ?"” “The foreman of the decomposing room writes the weekly London letter. His father really was i je “Is the paper for sale?’’ I asked. “ Twocents,”’ replied the city editor, “or for forty-seven dollars you can have the whole thing, including the mortgage.”” orm ° . . As I reached the street I saw an ent newsman, “ Extra !'’ he called. “ What's the extra?” I asked. “ Big fire in Chicago in 1870!" he exclaimed, ** Extra !"’ The story had come by express. The package had been mislaid. — Refugee. comicbooks.com