Life — January 22, 1903 — page 14: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

76 Dismal Davenport depicts the drunkard’s disgrace, and the next day the same page is illumined by a champagn In times of peace the Journal howls for war, and when the country wars, it is the first to bellow for peace. If the clear sky of prosperity is darkened by a cloud of disaster, the Journal seen it frst." If some great good is aecom- plished, the Journal sa “I done it.” An inventory of the Sunday Journal is as follows : ixty-four pages of truculent gui; ‘Thirty-six more of sensational stuf ; Six colored sections for innocent youth; : Five social scandals, and one column of truth, Oliver. Science. 7} UREKA !"’ cried the alchemist, trembling with joy. Of course the old ass had found poth- ing. Of course he was chasing a rainbow. But with the biologist who seeks a way to manufacture the protoplasmic cell, it is very different. That is, it seems very different to us. Wiil it seem very different to people a thousand years hen [PoREIG : Captain, when will we be in sight of New York? CAPTAIN (of ocean steamer): W the smoke lifts, we ought to see it pretty soon after we have tied up at the wharf, UERE ‘est Recan's (nic), PELLERS. LUPE A Result. “ CXVIVE us a three-hour working day and the right to fix our own wages !”? demanded the Working- men, “But then, how shall we maintain our fifty per cent. dividends on all this watered stock ?"" pleaded the Tru: While they disputed, the price of commodities became so lofty that the Ordinary Citizen, who could not be classed as either laborer or millionaire, could no longer afford to live and at last went to purchase a pistol. Bat the Firearms Trust had so long been tied up with a strike that weapons were within the reach of only the longest purses. ALLUs (Ic) LIKR TY DRINK Wirt GEN'LEMEN MysR’P !" “ Alas!" cried the Ordinary Citizen, “to me, already having been deprived of the necessities of life, those of death are now denied.”’ Later, however, not to be foiled in his object, the vulgar fellow drowned himself in the river. The Future of Cattle-Brick. (Manufacturers of Arbor.Vite Pebbola, Bolt-Nata and With apologies to Mr. Rud-yard Kipling.) WV HEN earth's last cookie is cooked, and the eggs are broken and fried ; When the freshest jelly has moulded, and the oldest rooster has died ; We shall starve, and, faith, we shall feel it— just fast for an son or two, Till the doctor of all sanitariums shall give us a brick-bat stew. And those that are hungry shall suffer, they shall sit ia a chair of wood ; They shall eat with a pewter ladle of new predigested food. ‘They shall find real gravel to chew on, done up in a nice paper box ; They shall eat for an age ata sitting, just forever a-chewing those rocks, And only the doctor shall feed us, and only the doctor shall s ‘That no one shall eat an apy abstain from hay But each must devour a health-food ; must stuff till 1, Must chew on as never slake hu and no one each ale malted biscuit and ratall, ‘Lt Lewis Bernhardt, Pensions. "| YHE case of the Kansas veteran who converted to Christian Science, and thereupon relinquished the pension granted him by reason of, rheumatism and stomach trouble, pre- sents difficulties. What becomes of the man’s republi- canism ? Seriously, does not this sort of thing was jeopard the basic purpose of the pen- sion system Wo cannot afford to trifle with the interests of Christianity and human- ity, to say nothing of our destiny and the national honor. Merely to suggest a way out, the pensioner who is con- ence, and thus finds himself doubting the reality of the physical ills by reason of which he is pensioned, might still accept the bounty of a grateful nation on the ground of mental weakness. comicbooks.com