Life — December 25, 1902 — page 40: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

PRACT LIFE ACesrts+re Christmas in Nonsense Land. (By Caronys Wests.) HEN Christmas comes in Nonsense Land, ‘They usher it in with a rubber band ; Their Yule Log is made of cannel ¢ And the Boar's Head's brought in the Wassail Bowl. as trees with shears, on their They trim their Chris And they all ager mac gman their stockings are hung. ines their carols are sung, y one a gift will not sift, The King makes e' cular sieve hofth red fish that : pjects presente to him not swim, As soon as it’s light enough to see Every one climbs his Christmas tree ; And there he sta: Oh, they're qu goes down ;— » Nonsense Town, a 3 “80 YOU WAVE SET YOUR HEART ON MARRYING MH. BONDS?" “NOG U'VE SPT MY MEAD ON IT. IT TAKES BRAINS TO GET MONEY, Dean.” PATHER TIM'S CHRISTMAS PUDDING, Two Prototypes. (A lururiously furnished room, Aman anda a large, sleek cat on the hearth-rug and a mistle- Loe ball suspended from the chandelier.) ‘THe CAT: A dear boy, is he not (raring one par in the direction of the man)? Tue MistLetor Bat: Too much so! He has evidently positized himself, as the college professors say, to his clothes. What guaran- tee docs he show of his right to exist? ‘He is my prototype. By profession he is a tame cat. It is a comparatively easy occupa- tion to master. It simply requires an ability to appear well and talk amus- ingly—that is, as nearly as pos- sible like the men in the Dolly, Molly and Polly dialogues. To put it in a nutshell, you must keep your fur smooth and shining and not grow! over your meat, Of course, he’s got to be obedient to my lady's whims and fetch and carry for her no end—but what's that, after all?” « But does he not wish to be out in the world of action where men are daring, battling, achieving?” “What! Lead the strenuons life when he has a warm seat by the fire and women to pet him?” “Then do women love tame-cat men??? “Not real women, no; but idle, useless women —parasites 1 yourself. Women who add noth- ing to the sum of the world’s hap- piness, but are willing to take all.” “Ma foi! It's a snap to be a tame cat and a bunch of mistle- toe, is it not?" Mrs, Wilson Wonlrow, J F it is trne Santa Claus brings presents only to good little boys, he is easily fooled. comicbooks.com