Life — November 13, 1902 — page 14: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

422 Perverse. THAT the flesh of beasts is wholesome, There are those who argue, still, Howbeit beef and bacon Have made Chicago, Ill. Republics. * HE Cubans,’’ says Major George M. Barbour, for four years Sanitary Commissioner at Santiago, “*are convinced that the basic prin- / ciple of a republic is to provide every citizen with a job at a large salary, with very little work.” This shows that the Cubans have been reading about the republics of Greece and Rome. They are too far away from France and Switzerland to have got such a notion by direct obser- vation. Nerve. AN automobilist was once halted on the highway by an ordinary person. “You have killed my baby!” said the ordinary person, displaying some temper. “Bat why do you halt me? Am I not ready to pay for all the damage I do?’’ demanded the auto- mobilist, with a severe look At this the ordinary per- son was quite abashed, and drew back, stammering PESTO MAMONeN apologies, A Few Directions. DURING the present stringency in the coal market, which is likely to last for some time to come, many expe- dients have been devised. A few words abont how to heat your house without coal may not be amiss. To use a gas stove, get from ten to thirty feet of hose and attach it to the gas meter so you can sit and read the figures as they reel off. This will keep you hot all the time, and also give you a fine appetite. In case the gas stove does not ex- haust all the oxygen in the room, send _— forthe plumber and have him remove the rest, If an oil stove is used, saturate a few old rags with eau de cologne, and burn them at the same time. Then sit in a rocking. chair with handles on each side and rock yourself violently up and down, holding on with might and main. You will thus not only keep warm, but will have all tho effects of automobiling without the expense. To burn soft coal successfully, first put it through a wringer and have it ironed out in strips. . Placing it taste- fully in the stove, light from under- neath. Always keep the stove covers off, as otherwise you will have your chimney clogged up instead of your house, and what you are after is some kind of a fire. * In case you decide to use bricks, get gold bricks, as‘they last longer. After soaking them over night in gasoline, put on a suit of old family armor and apply a match. By sitting on the brick long enough, the armor will become warm, and if you do not get in a draught, it will maintain a , fairly even temperature for some time. *“ When the armor begins to cool off, try it over again. If you have fireplaces in your house, and decide to use wood, do not let‘any one else make the fires but yourself. First, take several pounds of selected editorial matter, and to give a fickle flame, add afew weather reports. Over this spread some autumn leaves, which you can secure in any forest. Put on top of this some clothes pins—they are cheaper than kindling, and your cook will use them anyway—and then add a sprinkling of logs, apply a gallon of kerosene and light from underneath with a clothes pole. But be- fore doing so, move the piano near enough to protect the opposite wall and the Persian rug close enough to save the floor. In case all other means fail, try a bonfire in each room. Yon will thus get rid of some of your old furniture, besides heating your house to suit your- self, and not the insarance companies or the Repub- lican party. IN THE STILLY NIGHT, “HARRIET, WAS THAT AN EXPLOSION IN THE BUBWAT?"* “'NOj E THINK IT WAS ANGELINA KISSING GEORGE GOOD NiogT.” comicbooks.com