Life — October 16, 1902 — page 14: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

332 A Little Outing. Ove day went Bride and Groom, in happy mood, To take a short electric-carriage outing, That all the world and all its roads were good, Ne'er doubting. Nor, till they'd gone some distance, did they learn ‘The way was rough, the carriage fond of bolting, Of finding ruts and stones at ev'ry turn, And jolting. You see, their road was Inexperience, Which winds and twists through country all delightless. The chauffeur, Love, was quite devoid of sense, And sightless. Arthur Crawford. A Rival to Appendicitis. HE was May at ten years of age, Mae at eighteen, and Mary Berenice at twenty-seven. After passing through several seasons without stalking any very big game, she took to an aim in life, people who do things, and sar- casm. She then made a point of serving tea to women with queer features, who wore bad boots and were entirely without the “clothes instinct"; and to Hall-Caine- looking young men who talked earnestly to her of the sincerity of their ideals. Mary Berenice kept a note-book dangling ather side in which she jotted down her re- flections. These she occasionally read aloud to her admiring salon, “To live? Is it to love? Nay, I will padlock my heart until I find one worthy. Shall I ever meet him?” “Our woman's intuitions were given us that we may spring to the apex of thought and then turn to aid man in his slow, up- ward climb.” “Men are but children. It is only we women who know how to suffer and be strong.” But just as Mary Berenice began to feel that she was achieving her ambitions, troubles appeared on her horizon. Her papa was a plain business man who very soon grew weary of Mary's plain-looking, high-thinking friends, and married a frivo- lous young thing of twenty-one. This was Mary's first great grief. Then she got into the habit of ordering the cook not to prepare enough salad for the Oauseries, s0 that she might imitate a cele- brated French salon-keeper and, with witty tales, make her guests forget their hunger ; but instead of appreciating this sprightly coup de thédtre, the shrieking sisters and -LIFE- yearning brothers openly sulked and rapidly melted away. Now Mary, having nothing tolive for, lay down to die, but here she won in losing and made herself and her attending physician famous, for he pronounced her stricken with an eutirely new disease which he diagnosed as acute artificialis as evidenced by the blood turning to sawdust. “die happy,” murmured Mary feebly, when told the worst. ‘* Not all in vain has been my life. I have given something to the world.” Mrs. Wilson Wo 4 I SEE a gas company that turned off a man’s gas has had to pay four thousand dollars damages.”” “That's nothing. My daughter turned off our gas one night, and it is costing me ten thousand dollars a year.’ odrow, The Wild Bornee. THs is the greatest living curiosity, ladies and gentlemen and iny little friends. It is so ferocious that it will go thousands of miles to kill people, and will slaughter its fellows at the command of its masters. Don't be afraid, this one is thoroughly trained. This specimen was procured at enor- mous expense; the color makes all the difference. The black variety is worth over a thousand dollars a head. Little brown specimens have been sold in the native land at two dollars apiece, but the Bureau of Labor at Washington calculates that the animal value of such @ one as this is over ono thousand five hundred dollars, This is the only animal that builds elaborate dwelling-places, but does not live in them, and works all the time. You observe how intelligent it looks, but its intelligence is all in its hands, for it produces its own food in vast abundance but does not know enough to take sufficient for itself. It has enor- mous strength and is incredibly cruel, for it will destroy its young to please those whom it is accustomed to obey. It spends much of its time in cap- tivity and stuffing little bits of paper, which its master gives it, into a box, and thinks it of the greatest importance which bit it will stuff in. If it knew its power we could never restrain it. No matter how lean it is, it never kicks as long as the bulls and bears are fat, because it thinks the country is AN IDYL OF THE SOUTH SEAS. MINSIONARY HOT, MISSIONARY COLD, ‘MIASIONARY IN THE POT, NINE DAYS OLD!” WHERE THE PING-PONG BALLS COME FROM, Fruit of the Ping-Pong Plant (Ping-Pong latesfadia). A rapidly spreading plant, es- ially in English-speaking countries. It longs to the family TENNISACE. prosperous. It growls, but it doesn’t do anything. (Twist its tail, Mr. Cor- ner.) That's its Vor populi. Its name? It is called Americanus Working Manus, or the Party-voter. comicbooks.com