Life — September 25, 1902 — page 16: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

Have you heard of the nice motor car Which dear papa gave to mamma ? ‘They went out alone for a ride all their own— Do you ask if we're orphans? We are. —Exchange. Stonirs which illustrate the Scotch habit of thrift are constantly coming to light. There was one which greatly amaged the late William Black, and which bis biographer, Sir Wemyss Reid, says he was fond of relating. It isa story within a story, and although one part of it is old the rest in not. Somebody was telling a Scotchman a tale which he had Just been reading of a certain Eastern potentate who, bav- Ing taken offense at the doings of his grand vizier, had or- dered him to be put to death, The victim knew he must die, bat he wished to die comfortably, He was aware that his master’s chief executioner was very proficient, and could dispatch his vicums not only with swiftness, but with no appreciable suffering. Accordingly he sent for the execu- tioner, and offered him a large sum of money on condition that he would pat him to death without pain. The executioner promised to do his best, and the grand vizier went to his doom in a frame of pious resignation. Kneeling to receive the fatal blow, he was conscious that the sword of the execationer was whirled about his head, bat he felt nothing. “ Tow is this? be eaid, “ You undertook for a large sum of money to put me to death instantaneously and with- out pain, yet you are only playing with me and prolonging my misery. Do your work quickly 1" ‘Thereapon the executioner stepped up to the condemned man and offered him a pinch of enuff. The vizier took the pinch of souff and sneezed, and forthwith his head tumbled from his shoulders, ‘This is the story which, accordingto Mr, Black, was told to a fellow countryman of his, The Scotchman listened, and at the end said : “Wellt” Well!" mean?" * I'm waiting for the finish of the story," eaid the Scot. “Bat you've got the finish,” said the other. “Don't repeated the interlocator, “ What do you you ecet The executioner was so clever that he cut the fel- low's neck in two without letting him feel 1t."" * Ob, aye, Ikent that weel enengn, bat that’s not the point. What I want to know is, did the executioner get the money ""— Youth's Companton. * Somnow," raid the girl in blue, “1 can't help wis! ing I had accepted bim.”* “ Why, dear?” asked the girl in gray. “ Why, he swore that he’d never be happy again, and I'm afraid he is."* ‘Ab, yes," commented the girl in gray reflectively. “* As matters are now you can't be sure that he isn't, but if you'd married him you could make eure of it." —Chicago Evening Post, Hane. is one of the stories told by the late Dr. Whipple, Bishop of Minnesota, whose death took place the other day Many years ago, said the Bishop, “I was holding a service near an Indian village camp. My things were ecat- tered aboat in a lodgo, and when I was going out I asked the chief if it was safe to leave them there while I went to the village to hold a service. * Yes," he eaid, * perfectly ‘There is not a white man withia a hundred miles!*”—Exehange, A nromxen in newspaper work in a Southern town who occasionally ‘sent stuff to one of the New York dailies, picked up last summer what eccmed to him a “big story.” Hurrying to the telegraph-office he * queried * the telegraph editor : “Column story on eo and 60, Shall I send it?” ‘The reply was brief and prompt, bat, to the enthusiast, unsatisfactory, “Send six bundred words,” was all it said. “Can't be told wired back, Before long the reply came world told in six hundred, Try it. ‘A committee once called on Wa Ting-fang, the Chi- nese Minister who has been ordered home, to request him to address a society connected with one of the fashionable charches of Washington. Casual mention was made of the in lees than twelve hundred,” be Story of creation of —Argonaut. fact that the youthfal pastor of the charch had recently re- signed to enter upon a new field of labor on the Pacific Coast, © Why did he resign?” asked Mr. Wa. ** Because he had received a call to another charch,” was the reply. * What satary did you pay him?” “* Four thousand dollars. “ Whatis his present salary?" ht thousand dollars.” Ah1" said the disciple of Confucius ; “a very loud call 1"—E'rehange. Rattnoap accidents, eo fruitfal of tragic incidents, are also occasionally prodactive of bits of humor, although it ia not often that the humor finds a place in the newspaper re- ports of the accident. One amusing incident is reported by a woman to whose care a young man had been intrusted after he had beea badly burt in acollision. [He was unconscious when he was carried to her house, and did not open his eyes or speak for some time. His first conscious moments were evidently full of be wilderment, He looked all about the room, and finally let his eyes rest upon his bandaged feet. He looked at them long and carefally. A pazzled frown slowly gathered on his face. With a feeble finger he pointed toward the foot of the bed, ™ Those are not my feet,"* he eaid, * My feet had russes shoes on them.'— Fouth's Companion. Tuts is a conversation that took place in the newspaper office of a village, between the editor and a college girl, who on her completion of the academic year, foand the leisure of home life debilitating, and decided that she would bea Dusinees woman “In a town of this size, and as you are a beginner,” taid the editor wearily, bat with a senso of rural respon- sibility, “of course yon can't expect anything very munifi- cent. But you can get good board and lodging for ten dollars a week, and I can offer you twelve," * Bat,” she asked, wide eyed, “ what shall I do with the other two?" — New York Evening Sun. 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