Life — July 24, 1902 — page 16: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

THE CHAUFFEUR’S SONG. Tam impelled to succinctly state, And I prate not in glittering platitade, ‘That I am abroad of carly of late, Humbly increasing the world's death rate Which is the proper attitude, A highly desirable, very advisable, Easily acqairable automobilist attitude. ‘The Juggernaut killed and maimed a tot Of beathen in Indu latimde, But [ just slaughter for fan, that's what ? I stop not for woman or man or tot, Which fs the proper attitude, ‘The to be sought for, wrought for and fought for, Tho ne'er to be caught for automobiilist attitade, Tam the Moloch of the road, ‘To elay is my beatitude, Tkill as a boy would killa toad, And I don't care a fig for the criminal code, Which fs the proper attitude, A highly desirable, very advieable, Eacily acquirable automobilist attitade, If Tkill too many a fine I pay, (For which you should show yoar gratitude), Tl But really, the sport's worth a dollar a day, Which is the proper attitude, A not undefendable, quite unamendable, A wholly commendable automobilist attitude. —Rochester Poat-Expres, ‘Tire following incident is reported as having occurred Ina Midland Revision Court, A certain person who figured on the register was objected to by one of the agents on the ground that he was dead. Tho revising barrister declined to accept the assurance, however, and demanded conclusive testimony on the point. Thereupon the agent of the other side rose and gave corroborative evidence at to the decease of the gentleman in question, “And pray, sir, how do you know the man‘s dead?" demanded the barrister. + Well," was the reply, “I don't know, It's very diff cult to prove." “Ae T euspected,” retarned the irato barrister, ** You don't know whether he's dead of not."* ‘The barrister glanced triamphantly round the court. His expression gradually underwent a change as the witness coolly continued : “*T was eaying, sir, that I don't know whether he is dead of not, but I do know this: they buried him aboat a Tue Right Rev. Thomas Underwood Dadles, of Kes tucky, one of the eminent bishops in the Episcopal enjoys a good story as well as if he did not weae the cae He tells this one on himeelf : Anumber of years ago he was going by t the smaller towns of his diocese to hold ecrvices. enjoying a cigar in the smoker, and upon the « him was a very large valise, containing his c! ments, A drummer sitting back of him, noticio; traveling cap, leaned forward and inquired : “ Traveling man, eh$"* “ Yea,”” answered the Bishop, ‘What hoase dye represent! “The biggest house in the world hillito’s? * (the largest house in Cincinnati) asked ie drammer, Bigger than that."* Marshall Field?" “Bigger than that.” +A. T, Stewart's? Bigger yet.* Well, what house fs it? Those are the beet I ktow* “ Trepresent, #ir,"* eaid the Bishop, impressive! house of God.” ‘The salesman gave a gasp, then glancing moth valise, exclaimed Well, all I've got to say is, you carry a pretty fell be For I might casily scorch away— month ago on suspicion."—Exchange, mples."—New York Tribune. For salo by all Nowadealera in Great Britain. The Inter- national News Company, Bream’s Building, Chancery Lane, London, E. C., England, AGENTS. Established 1823. WILSON WHISKEY. That’s All! ECROPRAN AGENTS—Mesars. Breatasa, 37 Avenue de Opera, Paria Festive Boards ‘The festive functions in country lite in summer need pure, old, mellow Hunter Whiskey for cool refreshment and hospita¥ty and cheer, THE WILSON DISTILLING Co., WM. LANAHAN & SON, Raltimore, Md. Md. AROMATIC DELICACY, - MILDNESS ano PURITY. & it’s a question of quality, the . & R. Single Gun Is the acknowl+ There may be guns sold at a lower price, but— Ilustrated Catalog tells the story—free, HARRINGTON & RICHARDSON ARMS CO., Dept. 4, Wore Makers of H. & R. Revolvers, BLACK, STARR 4D FROST, 438 FIFTH AVE., NEW YORK. PRECIOUS STONES. All you bave guessed abont life insurance may be wrong. If you wish to know the truth, send for “How and Why,” issued by the PEN MctvaL Live, 9213-5 Chestnut Street, Philadelphia, comicbooks.com