Life — July 17, 1902 — page 14: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

The Needful. HE plight of Senator Hoar & shows the im- BAY portance of a public ws man going in for money. Not going in for money naturally leaves a public min comparatively poor in his old age, which is bad enough ; but what is much worse, it gives him an unfortunate cast of mind, whereby he gets himself ill-thought of by the intelligent and patri- otic classes. The young and ambi- tious will do well to ob- serve that no Senator who has always gone in for money is having any of these dreadful things said about him by the loyal press. The Natural History of the Young Girl. THE young girl is not peculiar to any locality, but flour- ishes in all climates, and even under the most unfavorable conditions, though at seaside resorts, dances and occasionally by the shores of lakes and in the mountains she attains her best growth. The Esquibean, or Boston variety, is ob- served as far north as the Back Bay. These young creatures are sought extensively by sports- men throughont the civilized world. The best equipment for the sport is a cumplete outfit of gilt-edged securities and a strong right arm. Often- times when seemingly se- curely bagged, they getaway, and when they congregate in large numbers, their natural timidity is replaced by a desperate courage. They have been known to attack single and defenceless men on dark nights on hotel piazzas, and being naturally cruel, they inflict great damage. Sometimes kindness will do more to secare a fine speci- men of this species than anything else. When kissed, they scream readily, but they soon become used to this treat- HALP A YooT—uALP A POUT— HALF A YooT ONWARD— PURWARD, THE SNAIL BRIGADE, ment when judiciously applied. They eat large quantities of expensive food, and will nibble at anything bright, especially diamonds, pearls and rubies. Many of them display great intelligence, readily talking Herbert Spencer, Ibsen and Browning, but the average is about the Hall Caine or Marion Crawford level. They are very affectionate as a rule, sometimes becoming attached to several men at once. Their favorite form of amusement is the wedding. When not the real object of interest, they like to yet as near the altar as possible. We couldn't get along without them, An Able Financier. NCE there was a poor man with a keen sense of finance and but two dollars in his pocket. “Now,”’ said he to himself, ‘* what shall I pur- chase with this two dollars?’ For a time he hesitated over a volume of Barnegy’s celebrated Guide to Opulence, in which Mr. Barnegy tells exactly how to earn one hundred million dollars while receiving a salary of eight dollars a week. But at last be denied himself this opportunity to get at the true inwardness of wealth-acquir- ing, and spent the two dollars in a news- paper advertisement, in which he offered to tell the public how to win in Wall Street. Iu the course of afew years he, himself, was able to write and publish a book of advice on how to become enor- mously wealthy, and to embellish it with instructive rules of conduct. This teaches us that if we may not read books, we may write them. comicbooks.com