Life — April 24, 1902 — page 14: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

354 The Live Beet as a Dead Beat. J NNOCUOUS root, within whose fibrous ai veins runs as blood through human ns, Why wert thou formed bereft of heart and brains? Mayhap the power creative never guessed Of a crushed nation’s future sad behest For thee to save and lift its loved and best To thee does Cuba kneel with outstretched hands, That thou may’st loose her suffucating bands And bring relief to her unhappy lands And thy reply to this sharp wail of woe, Thou earthy vegetable dull, is * No" ; Quick, underground and hide thyself below. Now, regnant, thou art deaf to sorrow's moan, Cold and repellent as a heart of stone, © thou fierce beet that lights upon a throne ! Saccharina, Society. We. are authorized to say that there is no truth in the reported en- gagement of Miss Swiftie Oldpoint to Charley Soker. } Charley is too much absorbed in his new automo- bile tothink of matri- mony. He thinks this new law limiting their speed on country roads to twenty miles an hour is foolish. Heritage Doolittle agrees with him. Last week they smashed up two women and a child, to- gether with a horse they were driving; but Charley and Herit- age both got away without being identified. Mr. and Mrs. Ollin Bonds may attend the coronation, And, then again, they may not. Mrs. Hardy Snubbor thinks they will not. Mr. and Mrs. Groundfloor Jones mean to spend the spring in Lenox. Their residence at Newport is being completely overhauled. The cellar will be repaved with split pearls. They make a dryer floor than marble. The Plantaganct Bullions are both in good health. She is a sis- ter of O. Helwyth Manners. One of our wealthiest citizens, the Hon. Goshwotta Pyle, says trusts are beneficent things. He cleared about three millions last year ont of the Steel Trust alone. He says com- petition is the curse of trade. T'S a wise gambling house that knows its own police captain. Board of Trade Notes. NOVELS opened weak to-day at + ninety-three, but went up sev- enteen points on the report that the wind would be east to-morrow. The market eased off again, however, when the news came over the ticker that Winston Churchill and Dr. S. Weir Mitchell would write all night. A demoralizing factor was the rumor of a new vein of historical romance having been discovered in southern Patagonia. Cables were flabby. Russia and Poland sent bearish reports of the writers over there never having felt better in their lives. The Government novel report esti- mates the output of the literary belt at four million novels for the coming year. There was a sharp rally just at the close, when it was announced on au- thority that the supposed vein of his- torical romance in southern Patagonia had proved on careful analysis to be guano. “LOOKING WITH PAVOR ON IIIs SUIT.” Attention, Undergraduates ! “BEACH calendar month, beginning with May, 1902, until further notice, Lire will award a prize of Twenty-five Dollars to the college undergraduate who, during that month, shall send the best original humor- ous contribution. Contributions must not be over one hundred and fifty words in length, and may be either verse, juke or episode. Envelopes should be marked ‘College Contest.” If in any month no contribution is re- ceived which is up to Lirr’s standard, the prize for that month will not be awarded. The decision of the editors of Lire shall be final. Contributions may be sent at any time and should bear the name, address, college and class of the sender. No contributions will be returned unless accompanied by’ addressed stamped envel- ope. Lire will pay at its regular rates for contributions, not prize-wioners, which it accepts. To limit the labor involved in the exam- in n of manuscripts, the contests will be confined to undergraduate students of the following colleges : rp Westryay, WILitams, University oF Micuicax, AMMLERST, Prixcetox, | aa or Couempta, Stanrorp Usi- Pexxsyivanta, Truxity, Honan, Uxtox, Yaur, Harvarp, SIvensity oF Wis- CONSIN. A NEW spring mind is better than a new spring suit. Life’s Anecdote Contest. <CEMENT OF PRIZE WINNERS. ‘HE prizes in Lire’s Anecdote Contest have been awarded as follows: First Prize (One Hundred Dol- lars) won by H. E. Jordan, Coopers- burg, Lehigh County, Pa. Anecdote Number 33. Second Prize (Fifty Dollars) won by Mrs. L. G. McCanley, West Chester, Pa, Anecdote Number 1. Third Prize (Twenty-five Dollars) won by Henry H. Bonnell, 6208 Wayne Avenue, Germantown, Pa. Anecdote Number 5. ANNO! comicbooks.com