Life — March 27, 1902 — page 14: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

Our Innocent -LIFE - A Ballade of Lament. NO bows bat an address ; oh, mournful condition ; +N No dwelling like that which our infancy know, With cellar and attic and room fur admission Of chatrs and plano and grandchildren, too, With closets capacious and chimneys that drew. Alas! though the longth of the land we may roam, We find ’tis a fact that, though bitter, {s true, In tho era of progress there's no place like home. The flat is a limited pocket edition, With corridor prefaco and contents but few. Woe dine up against an encroaching partition; The flame of tho chafing-dish, flickering, blue, Condensed hospitality offers to you; Tho kitchen’s a cavern, the cook 1s a gnome, ‘Tho hearthstono’s a myth, wo aro cheored by a flue. In theera of progross there's no place like homo. The ago of advancement has conquored tradition, Tho pa ace-abodes of the rich we may viow, But ma,ter and madame aro off ona mission Ot pleasure or health that shall fitthem anew Th's whirligig world to go hurrying through; ‘Thoy'vo suites in hotels from Vienna to Rome, But their mansion stands baro on the broad avenue, In tho ora of progross there's no place like home. LExvot. Weop, gods of the houschold, dear deities who Woro honored in clasaic Virgilian tomo, Your worship has waned and wo bid you adiou, In the ora of progress there's no place like homo, Jennie Betts Hartewick, HE innocence of England in its Boor war {s 80 apparent to Englishmen, that those who holdan ogposite view—and toveral outsiders do hold such an opposite viow—are always regarded with a cortain amountof vitupera- tive excitement, which is usually proportioned to the directness of the thrust and the meas- ure of truth behind it. Nothing is so convineing to John Bull as the truth, when it is not applied to himself, His tears of sympathy are always on tap, when some other nation has been oxerclsing its “right of might.” How manytimos he has had occasion to shudder at the inhuman acts of Russia, Franco and Germany, and how hequiverod with righteous indignation at tho Armenian outrages! The Boer war, howover, 1s a different mattor. Here, of courso, England isthe martyr, The average Englishman will tell you that his government has been engaged from the bo- ginning Ina disinterested attempt to sot right a misguided folk, and {f it has been obliged to kill off a fow, it is their fault because they are so beastly stubborn, And thoro will be a quaver in his voice as he speaks of tho cruel injustice of those who impugn his motives and attribute to him mero desiro to rob a smaller country. This is the Anglo-Saxon mind—a combination of Cousins. YERENTLY HE MIGUT HAVE TURNED OvT DIP- BEEN AN INcUBATOR, WELL GRATIFIED, Doctor; YOU OFFER YOURSELP AS AN ORJECT FOR VIVISECTION. WILL YOU STAND THE MENTAL ANGUISH AND PITYSICAL PAIN? “1 GO TUROUGH THE TUNNEL TWICE A DAY.” about equal parts of hypocrisy, stupidity, greed and brute force; and no better illustration could there be than the let- tors Lire {s constantly receiving from Englishmen—lettors telling us, in the first place, that we do not know the facts, and that if wo want to know the facts we must read the English newspapers. With his light, playful senso of humor, our cousin would thus set us right, “Read the Zimes,” he says, “and learn the truth! You have been misled. What do we care for Kaffir diamonds and gold? The Times is an infallible instrument when it comes to the Boer war, and a present help in timo of trouble.” But what is the matter with Joe Chamberlain? If wo wanted the real unyarnished truth, why not go to him? Mr. Goldwin Smith inthe current Atlantic does not seem to share that confidence in the London Zimes exprossed by somo of our correspondents, He says, speaking of the War of Becession: “To tho last it (the Times) persisted with unabated confidence ia assuring its readers of Southern victory, When from Grant's lines before Potorsburg Rich- mond was almost in sight, the Zimes continued to give ear to the asservations of Mr. Spence that the triumph of the South was at hand.” It Goldwin Smith is alivo ina score of years from now, as wo trust he will be, he may beable to state the same thing IP 18 MOTHER MaDN'T comicbooks.com