Life — March 20, 1902 — page 14: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

ayed it well—the public ’twas you T have a Scotch play for you now— Map Avpans (sadly): Odear! Curarees (angrily): What's that, oh thou ungrateful Complaint? (To doorman) Remove the girl and place her in restraint! one? (Map Avpass carried out kicking and screaming.) (Joux Droot nezt approaches.) Cuantes (addressing him): Me faithful Drool; full well thou servest me. Come here and sit on Uncle Charlie's knee. Let's see—what was your “turn” last year, my lad? Droon : A novel costume play—'twas voted bad. Cuances > Ah, yes; full well my m now. y serves me You were a comic sight, I do allow, Dnoot (1ehimpering) : ive Colonial garbage does not suit my leg. Cartes Art prepared for pleasant This year an English uniform you'll use. Droon (clapping his chubby hands) : Superb! Au fait! Ivow! Where isit? Can't I try the suit on now ? Quite pomme de terre, Citartes (in benign amusement): A little longer linger on my knee— T'll tell you what your part is going to be. Droo: No longer on your time can I impose. (Aside) The part? I hope I'll wear the latest clothes! (Droon runs arcay,) Wituiax Gatoor (approaching, sadly n mind a play in which the star Shares honors with a blonde five-cent cigar. ‘The stellar part an Indian will be; He's made of wood—'twill fit me to a T. Cuances (iinking) Yes; but to stir up comment, let us say ‘That Hamlet is the next part you will play. (Garoor ret Cxsar pe and next approaches Dox Sua.) Even-Siast (sings): I tightly grip my trusty sword, My steed is at the door, A stag and gallops on a board, And Lam off to war. “We must make the Boers recognize that they are defeated, and take from them the barest possibility of repeating tho attempt. . . . + Tho war had the approval of sister nations acroas the seas,""— Chamberlain's Speech at Guildhall, London. The calcium moon shines down on me. I heave my padded chest : You see to my upholstery, And schoolgirls do the rest. . Cuances (amused ): Marry ; a merry song, and with a point. 1AM (complimented) : thank thee, Sire: Gadzooks, and I do thank thee! Likewise, S'blood, and By my Halidom, I thank thee! CHARLES : Most plainly can I see by what you say You know the lingo of the costume play. (Ever-Strast retires, bowing.) Cuantes (addressing players): And now you're mostly settled, wings, And we are left to laugh at lighter things. Ope wide the doors, and let us watch the capers Cut by the critics of the daily papers. re takes (Enter Cnitica, fighting for first place in line. They sing:) Most important and dangerous gents are we, For our pens may be deep dip'd in irony. If the manager's nathe is not well known, We can tear his production bone from bone. Still, we pray that you note we're not lack- ing in sense, And we handle with gloves what ‘Charles Showman presents.” All our papers agree in their praising of you; Once again docs the white man bow down to the Jew. Cuantes (coyly) = Oh, prithce, Crities, I do pray thee, hush ; Your compliments are apt to make me blush. Still as you press me, I must own to you That ali these nice reports of me are true. And now, lest you ran ont of things to print, I'll tell you of my doings, without stint. (Epitogue by Cranes.) I now control most players and most pla: And have in hand most playhouses as well, T'm strong on art, and in artistic ways I frankly own to you that I excel. Of course my personality has charm. I cannot help it—it was Nature's gift, 1 only live to keep the stage from harm; Its manners and its morals to uplift. A scanty few there be who still maintain Astand, which scems to me distinctly rash, ‘They say I'm in the business just for g In other words—that all I want is Cash. And now, Good Critics, as you go your ways, Against my adversaries wage your strife, And help to counteract the evil days On which I suffer the hard knocks of Lire. comicbooks.com