Life — March 13, 1902 — page 8: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

210 Up to Date. LLEAXDER crossed the Hellespon: And braved the classic blue; Ah, well for him he does not have To cross Fifth Avenue! Semper Fidelis. TPE traveler fell om his knees and begged for mercy y; but the cus- toms inspector wa adamant. “Once, and once only,” said the latter, “I let a man go through wi out offering him every indig) savage ingenui proved to be a spotter from Washington, and I nearly lost my job. I shan't make that mis- take again Yes, the traveler would have to have hi pumped out ; most distinctly, y ‘an devise. He stomach LITTLE faded flower isn’t legal evidence. t PATRON SAINT OP LIBRARIANS, LIBRARY BUILDERS AND LIBRARY EMPLOYEES. Bere mae » ha ER THAT FLYING TRIP. YOUR IMPERIAL MENRYNESS MAY NOT NAVE SEEN EVERYTHING IN OUR LITTLE COUNTRY, RUT YOU HAVE, DONE IT IN TRUE AMERICAN STYLE. Life’s Anecdote Contest. OTICE TO CONTESTANTS : Announcement Of the prize winners will be made ina few tceeks. The number of anecdotes received has necescarily caused some delay. Nomper 47, In order to show the feeling of insecuntty of the Czar of all the Rassias amongst his sabjects, Prince Bismarck relsted the following anecdote of the Emperor Nicholas : ‘The court physician had prescribed massage for some alimentof the Czar, who, however, was unable to Gnd single person In bis entourage to whom he cared to entrust the task. At bis wits end, he at last applied to Frederick William IV, for a few non-commissioned officers of the Prussian Guard ; these were sent, and retarned to Berlin after the completion of the rubbing “cure heavily laden with presents. “So long as can look my Russians to the face everything 1a well,” Nicholas is reported to have sald, ‘ but Twill not risk letting them work away at my back." — Conrersations with Prince Blemarck. Collected by Heinrich Vom Poschinger, Harper and Brothers, 1900, Newpgn 48, While Butler was delivering s speech for the Democrats tn Boston during an exciting cam- patgn, one of his hearers cried out : “How about the spoons, Ben?" Benjamin's good eye twinkled merrily as he said : “ Now, don't mention that, please. I was a Republican when I stole those spoons."—Wit and Humor of Bench and Bar. T. H, Flood and Company, Chicago, 1899, Neween 49, Mrs, Martin, of Ross, told me that some short time ago, as she was going out for a walk, @ poor Woman was at the ball door, with whom sbe bad the following conversation : Poor WomAs : Ah then, ma‘am, God bless you! and won't you give your poor widdy something? Mxs. ManTiN : But you are not a widow. Pook Woman: Begorra, I am, ma‘am, and a very poor widdy, with three small childer, Ms. MARTIN: But, my good woman, I know your husband perfectly well. Poor Woman : Of course you do, ma’am ; bat sure that poor little unaignificant craythur ts not worth mentioning.—Serenty Years of Irish Life. By W.R Le Fang. Macmillan and Company, 1804 Nemeen 50. Don Piatt says: “1 was 1a love once with a fat girl, She was very fleshy. She was enormous, but the course of true love came to grief, I was sitting with her in the dim twilight one evening. I was sentimental ; I sald many soft things, I embraced @ part of her. She seemed distant. She frequently turned her lovely head from me. At last | thought I heard a murmur of votces on the other ede. I arose and walked around ; and there found another fellow courting her on the left fank, 1 was indignant and upbratded her for her treachery in thus concealing from me another love. She laughed at my concelt, as tf she was not big enough to have two lovers at once.""—From Modern Eloquence. Volume X. Thos. B. Reed, Editor. John D. Morris and Company, Philadelphia, 1901, “ ) ea won’t be long now before there won’t be any women or chil- dren left in South Africa.” “Yes. Opportunities for glory among British generals are rapidly dimin- ishing.” comicbooks.com