Life — March 6, 1902 — page 9: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

Sonnet to the Tower of London. MIGHTY TOWER, how many years gone by Since first great Cesar started on thy walls! How many bones within thy dungeons lie, A mute and unseen record of thy brawls ! And could thy stones but have the power of speech, What bloody tales of pain and death they'd tell! Of kings and queens and princes would they teach, Who suffered all the tortures of a Hell. Think on the souls, unstained by any crime, ‘That underneath grim Traitors’ Gate have passed ! ‘Think on them! doomed to serve unending ‘ime, Until, O joyful death! they slept at last. Endure, O Tower! In after years thy fame Shall be a clot of blood on England's name. “ Aurani Life’s Anecdote Contest. OTICE 10 CONTESTANTS: Announcement Of the prize winners wil be made ina feo soeeks. The rurmber of anecdotes received has necessarily caused some delay. Newarn 42. Mr. Lowell was the guest, during bis stay at Birmingham, of Mr. Wilson King. “ Professor Mabaifs, of Dabvlin, was also my guest at the time," writes Mr. King, ‘and the two ‘took to” each other at once, and I never beard so much good talk in four days before or since, Mahafly went of in the morning, and whea, somewhat later, I was driving Mr, Lowell to the station, be put his hand on my knee and sald, ‘I think, on the whole, that 1s the most delightful fellow I ever met, and I wish you'd tell him I sald so.’ Of course It was pleasant for me to have such testt- mony to dhe success of my party, When I told Mahady, his characteristic reply was, ‘Poor Lowell, never to have met an Irishman before.*"* — Letters of James Russelt Lowell, ol. M., page 281. Harper and Brothers, 1594 NCMBER ¢3. In 1844, while Florida was still Territory, a man who bad been a Judge In one of ita circuits, canvassed one of the Senatorial districts as a candidate for the Territorial Senate, and was cheered by the promise of a little Frenchman, Uving tn one of the counties in the district, to do «all he could " for him, Not w solitary vote, bow: ever, was cast for the Judge in that county, and he seized the first opportunity thereafter to tax the Frenchman with false promises. “Sar,” said the Frenchman, very much of- fended, “1 tell you no Ile; I travel over dis country three, four, five day, and I say to every man, ‘Vil you voto for my friend,ze Judge?’ ‘and he say, ‘No, I vil be durned if I do." “Bat,” sald the Judge, “you did not even vote for me yourself !"* No, Judge; when I come back, I shut myself A GAME OP TING PONG. up in mine own room, and I "lectioneer myself two day —bat I no git my own consent to vote for you.” —From The Funny Sideof Politics. By George S. Hutton, G, W, Dulingham Company, 1599, NeMBER 44, Alexander Moncrietf, of Culfargte, one of the four founders of the Secession Church, ana ‘4 ancestor of Colonel Moncrieff, the inventor of tho “Moncrteif System of Artillery," was on ono occasion remarking on the tendency to wander during prayer, when his beadle assured him that he was quite free from such @ weakness, “Well, John,” sald Culfargie, “you shall have the beat horse in my stable, If, after famlly worship this morning, you can honestly assure me that your thoughts did not goastray."* When the worthy minister rose from bis knees, he sald to the beadle, “ Now, what have you tosay?” "Indeed, sir," he replied, “I thought of nothing but my devotions till the very end of your prayer, when T began to wonder whether you would give me the saddle along with the horse 1"—.t Dudget of Anecdotes, Published by Wm, Blackwood and Sons, Edinburgh and London, 1887. Newer 45. A certain part of Australla was recently suffer- ing from along-protracted drought, A day for prayer for rain was appointed and held, and, as 1t happened, the rain came on on the following morning. A remote quarter of the same colony was at the same time being visited by a super- abundance of moisture, A worthy Magistrate of the district, on hearing what was going on at (C—, and fancying thatthe rain in hts own nelgh- borhood was sensibly increasing, 1n haste des- patched the follow. ing tclegram to the authoritles at C—: “Stop praying now, or we will be flooded tn five hours, *— Soclat Circle of Ances dote. Brentano’s (no date), Nowpen 46, It was before an Irish Trt! Justice. The plainti’s attor- ney had made an eloquent and logical argument. Then the defendant's counsel took the floor. “What are you doin the lawyer began. “Golng to present our side of the case.” “T don’t want to hear both sides argued. It has a tindincy to confuse the Coort.*— Wit and Humor Bench and Bar, T. 1. Flood and Com. pany, Chicago, 1809, asked the Justice, ag Congratulations. LARA : Half tho time he says he doesn’t know whether I love him or not, about one-quarter he hopes that I do, and tho rest he thinks I may, and in addition he is nearly always uiterly miserable. Mavup: Well, I’m glad you're mak- ing such a success of the affair. A Great Success. THE MEDICAL EXPERT: I'm sure your baby shows what our modern methods willdo. Did you follow my directions? Motuer: Oh, yes. First I skimmed the milk, and added two parts of hygienic water and two parts of your celebrated modifier. Then I carefully sterilized the whole. “And then?” “I threw it out of the window and gave the baby the cream.”’ “AND THE PISHERMEN WONDERED WHY THEY DIDN'T GET A BITE!* comicbooks.com