Life — March 6, 1902 — page 16: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

(PResipEnt Josgrn F, Sura, of the Mormon Church, has. decreed that all the employees of the esert News, & Mormon paper in Salt Lake, must be married before the 90th of June next.) We are thirty odd reporters of the Salt Lake Desert News, Solitary are our blessings, mlaogynic are our views, But, behold, the Law of Mormon on our calm hortzon bobs: And decrees we'll have to marry of resign our little Jobs, In the Region of the Prophets, biown by Utah's salty alr, “Marry Early, Marry Often,” ts the motto everywhere, And e’en the chrontc bachelor who rusties for the press Isn't left the boon traditional of single biessedacss, een the little printer's devil must godoubles with his Mame, And the foreman and compositors must each one do the same, Also the city editor, bis prestige to maintatn, Must start a Mormon harem ere the sprouting of the grain. Blame os not if tn Impatience we hysterically spoon, We will do a wholesale business in the nuptial month of June, And as matrons here are plenty and as pretty malds are few, Send # batch of single ladies out to Utah, P. D.Q. We are thirty odd reportersof the Salt Lake Desert Vews, Solltary are our blessings, misogynic are our views, Buta certain Mormon paper, in this crista grave and solemn, Drives some very lively bargains in Its matrimontal column, — News-Letter. ON THE ‘GYPTIAN RAILWAY. going tn swimming.” No, dear, it’s the effect of the mtid climate.” Look there! That must be the desert. But I can't see any caravans, Perhaps it tsn't a desert, Maybe it's a mirage.” “What's a mirage, dear?” “Oh, 1s something they see In deserts, Everything ts upside down, sou know," “Isn't that Justawfal? Oh, see that handsome native ! him, with the words : “ Lord Bacon, I presume.” Mt Lives of the "Lustrion* “AMI” alghed the young widow, “no other ma ever fill poor John’s place. 1 loved him from the bottaad my beart.”* “Of course," rejoined the sympathetic friend, “tet know there 1s always room at the top,"" —Chicago Daily } reat Britain. The Inter- Building, Chancery Lane, For aalo by all Nowadealers in national News Company, Brea ErnopraN AGENTS—Messra. Brentate 37 Aveuue de l'Oyera, Paria, London, E. C., England, AGENTS. Established 1823. WILSON WHISKEY. That’s All! What ® picture! He must be shetkh at least. Wary Finst Tourist : Isn't this lovely? Just think! Pharaoh — doing?" lived here, and —and Cheops, and—and Moses! It makes e's playing on the concertina and pasa your head swim, doesn't it? “What ashame! My, tan'tt nice to travel ov a. SECOND Tockist: I guess it's the bad alr, It hurts my where they don’t have any smoke or cinders? head, too, 1s that the Nile over there? “Yes, and do you notice what a balmy c “Mercy, L suppose so. Isn’titdirty? Itdoesn't seemaa — the window? 1€ Cleopatra could bave rode in her barge to meet Marc “Yea, Isn'tit fragrant? So spicy. Can't you sme Antony down that horrid stream, does {tt cloves? Ab-wa, [ like to breathe tt in." “No, Itdoesn't, But that was a long time ago, wasn‘tit?* “So dol. I'll ask the conductor what it ts. There bey I belleve so, I've seen the play, but Idon't remember — Conductor, please 1"* Jost when tt was." Tuz Coxpcctor : Well, ma‘am? ee that crocodile basking in the sun!" “Conductor, where does that spicy smell come trea: “Is he basking? Oh, Maud, that reminds me, How are “From the locomotive, ma'am, We use notbiag by you going to have your new basque trimmed?" mummies for fuel on this line, ma‘am.” “Mercy, there's the Sphinx 1" —Cleveland Plain D “ What's the Sphinx ?* “Why, it's a thing that asked you riddles, you know, “ WHEN Hall Caine, whose resembiance to Sat Dear me, I'm not sure whether that's the Sphinx or one of —_'8 Well known, landed in New York on a trip to Ameria the Pyramids, Just look at all those children! They must be WS Accosted by the late Ignatius Donnelly, a straage The 20th Century inhefits three great things, wiz. Steam, Electricity and Baltimore Rye The latter supplies the need of centuries for the finest a type of the purest whiskey. THE WILSON DISTILLING CO., x Baltimore, Md, Wa. Lananan & Son, Baltimore, Md. Redmond, (yaa: Kerr & Co.) estuert SECURITIES. BANKERS, —_ abn da Issue Travellers’ Members N.¥. Stock Exchange, \ Letters of Credit Available Over the World. 9 . EVANS Wash Fabrics. 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