Life — March 6, 1902 — page 13: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

OUR BLASTED THOROUGHFARES. wy NOT DRESS ACCORDINGLY? A Change. LARA: I hear Sadie has at last decided to enter a convent. She wants excitement. Mavp: What do you mean? «‘ Well, her parents won't move away from Brooklyn.” 193 A Visit to a Historical Novel Factory. IKE most mechanical products, historical novels are now manufactured npon the “Standard” principle. They are made up of one thousand six hundred and thirty-nine parte Separately cast and automatically assembled by ® traveling crane and au immense hammer operated by hot alr. The pot of the novel ts # molten steel, the chlef dramatic situations dating back to the time of Adam, who no doubt ralsed Cain with them, The villains are made of scrap brass and pig iron; the herotnes, of the best grade of im- ported mwdust soaked in ® strong solution of mushmolly, The compost- ton of the hero ts & manufacturers’ secret. [lis sword blade, however, 1s of the Snest tempered steel, villain. Proof, and capable of drenching » palatial staircase or a barren winter landscape with the rich life blood of bis foes, the number of dead being limited only by the regulations of the local board of healtn, Here and there, tn the thickest part of the plot, are cast many bomb- proofs. fitted up tn luxurtoas style, torerve as places of refuge for the herotnein her personally conducted tour of halrbreadth escapes, when the villain with that cold, hard glint in his eses has sworn in his courtly, pol- ished fashion to get her Into his power. The “Ila! Ila fe now omitted from the * of standard villains. Attached to the ‘main shaft of the plot ts « patent con- verter, whereby at will, upon the pressure of @ batton, the novel ts caught by # plckeriess picker and transformed Into ® nameless contriy- ance with a false bottom, that 18 sold to the trade for a drama. The final process in the manufacture of the novel 1s coloring: the assembled fabric Is first pounded black and blue, and then dipped toto a red-hot dye- vat of patent ‘historical atmos: phere" The components of this atmosphere are extracted by cranks from historical manuscripts and records, the punctuation and spelling thereof being chilled and blistered by the Reasemer process to give the effect of originality. Lucas. Feelers. AGGLES: Why do they print such old jokes in the theatre programmes? Wacates: To lead you up to what you are to hear on the stage. RIGHT GIRL: Oh, mamma, have you heard of my luck? I copied off this little story I saw in a scrap- book ten times, and sent it to ten magazines. And four of them have accepted it ! comicbooks.com