Life — February 13, 1902 — page 21: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

THE TRANSIT OF VENUS. A Modern Litany. T° girls who, hopeless, up to date, Of politics and progress prate ; To her who prowls the links all day, And she who Bridge delights to play, ‘The girl whose club contents her sou! To all of these a gift we dole While in the outer dark they pine. Oh—pray for them, Saint Valentine! ‘The men who scorn the ways of love, Grown cynical — content to rove Far from the meadows of romance, Who golf and gossip—dine and dance, With poker, polo, yachts as toys, Base substitutes for Cupid's joys, These sinners in your plea enshrine. Oh, pray for them, Saint Valentine! ‘And we who've found the primrose way, The planting of the rainbow's ray, Who chase our pleasures as they fly And always see them just get by; We who have learned that love has wings, We yaps who still believe in things, A friendly ear to us incline And pity us, Saint Valentine! Kate Masterson, The Boer Tobacco Fund. I seems that it is still necessary to Eng- land's peace of mind and tothe comfort of her generals in South Africa to keep the Boer Prisoners in Bermuda without tobacco. Lirve’s readers are doing something in the way of supplying the deficiency. Contribu- tions are as follows : Previously acknowledged .. Yours trulf...c.e.seeeee Adolph Convert, Chicago. Life’s Anecdote Contest. NUMBER 20, N old clergyman used to relate the following anecdote with great glee: Once, when pre- paring his partshioners for the solemn ordinance of confirmation, he found amongst them one old woman so excessively ignorant and stupld that for some weeks prior to the time he was obliged to have her come to his house every day, 1n order to instract and catechise her. At length he began to hope that his Ume, patience and zeal had not been entirely bestowed in vain, a few bright flashes of understanding having burst from the old dame’s clouded Intellect. The im- portant day arrived. ‘ Now, my good friend,’" ‘sald the worthy pastor, Just previous to the com- mencement of the ceremony, “as this Is the last moment tn which I shall have an opportunity of conversing with you, let me ask,do you thor- oughly understand and believe all the articles of your Christian faith?" “AY, yea, sir, thank’ee,” replied his venerable pupil, with a simper, and dropping one of her best courtestes,"* | does, indeed, now; and, thank God, I heartily renounces ‘em all !""— Social Cire cle of Anecdote. Brentano's, (No date.) Nenen 30. Philoxenns was sent to the stone-quarrtes by Dionysius for contempt of his verses, Being re- called, he was invited again to hear them, After Istentng patlenuy for a time, he got up to go. « Whither now?” asked Dionystus, “To the quarries," says he.—Stobeus, For. XIII, 16. Greek Wit. Published by George Bell and Sons, London, 1881. Neoware 31. One of the Admirals, after the first day of @ grand naval review at Portsmouth, asked Foote tf the profuston of fire and smoke did not give him an tdea of hell, “Yes, Indeed St did," replied the wit, “espe. ctatly when J observed your lordship tn the midst of I\"—Zon Mots. By Walter Jerrold, J. M. Dent and Co., London, 1894. 133 Newper 32. Two war-time Senators abandantly endowed with humor were James W. Nesiith of Oregon, and James A. McDougall of California, Me. Dougall’s weakness was the bottle, and though he was wont to declare that he “never got drunk above his hattand,* his bearing ofte belted his words, But, tn liquor or oat of Mt, hts wit was ever opperyiost, and he never missed an opportunity to coin a jest. When he left Washington at the close of his term & number of frtends kept him company to the raliroad station. Hidding good-by tobis clerk, he added mournfully: “Tam going back to where L was born, to dle.” “ But if you are sick, Senator,” sald the clerk, why not remain here among your friends “No, my son," was the reply, ¢T have reasoned it all out, and Albany 18 the choice." Then, pausing for a moment to note the glance of Inquiry for the reason, he added, * Because 1 feel tn my heart that {can leave Albany with less regret than any place 1 ever saw."—Prom Washington, the Capital City. BY Rufus Rockwell Wilson, —J.1, Lippincott Com- pans. 1901, Albany, Newman 33, When the British ships under Lord Nelson were bearing down to attack the combined feet of ‘Trafalgar, the first Heutenant of the Rerenge on going round to see that ail hands were at quar- ters, observed one of the men, an Irishman, devoutly kneeling at the side of his gun. So very unusual an attitude exciting bis surprise and curfoslty, he asked the man tf he was afratd. “Afrald!" answered the tar,“ no, your honor : Iwas only praying that the enemy's shot may be distributed fn the same proportion us the prize money—the greatest part among the officers.” —The Jest Rook. By Mark Lenox, Severs and Francts, Publishers, 1865, f V ELL, how does it seem to be en- gaged to such a wealthy girl?” Fine! Every time I kiss her I feel as if I were taking the coupon off aGov- ernment bond.” Mr. Shad : wnat Do YoU THINK OF FLOUNDER MARRYING AN ELECTRIC REL AND BRINGING HER INTO THE FAMILY? Mr. Bass: THINK IT MUST HAVE BREN A GREAT SHOCK TO THE PAMIL. comicbooks.com