Life — January 23, 1902 — page 16: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

Tue Herald publishes extracts from a calendar issued by ‘homas W. Lawson daring the holiday season, under the ame of “Ticker Talk." fone of the excerpts are as ollows : «Tere are two kinds of pilots in Wall Street waters—the censed and unlicensed. Each 1s worse than the other. “ When youare long and they're dropping, It's purgatory ; then you're short and they're rising, It's hell. ‘Nothing succeeds Ike success'— except inside in- ormation. Wall Street advice Is free, and It 1s worth tt. When you gamble in stocks it ts you against the world— ne mind against millions, “There are many philosophers in Wall Street, but they're 41 broke. “Almost any good mathematical system can beat the tcker to a standstill—before ten and after three “If the Garden of Eden had been ta Wall Street, Adam rould never bave got even a bite of the apple, “Almost all directors of modern trusts are yachtsmen. the reason—trusts’ capital affords mooring the year round. A lle well told in Wall Street 1s the truth. When Wall Strect holds a busking bee Insiders get all he red ears, “A straddle Isa sort of half-sister, mothcr-tn-law bride— ‘ne of those puzzling creatures who don't know whether to 1 back to ma, elope with brother-In-law, or set'le down and ‘e prim." Exchange. WaueN coon songs were all the rage in Lop %s, Lesile ituart, the composer of the music of “Florodore decided o try his talent in composing rag-time muste for t..z London ousic halls. * 1 soon mastered the new time to my own satisfaction,” said Mr. Stuart the other day, ** but I was all at sea for titles and subjects for my first song. 1 secured a map of the United States and found that Idabo wus Ly far the best rhym- Ing State, so in a few days ‘My Girl from Idaho" was ready to be sung. Isent it toa popular singer in the music halls, and the audience that heard It first seemed to like tt. The next day the following message was sent to the theatre and later turned over to me. It was signed ‘An Idaho American,’ and read : You blasted Englishman, don’t you know there tsn't a coon In all the State of Idaho? But there are girls in Idaho, ‘They can't shume their feet; they can’tall sing, But they can shoot, and, gractous, how they'd Ike to have you for @ target.’ "—San Francisco Argonaut. Sour months ago the father of a young man who had recently eztered the married state had occasion to dispatch his faithfal but somewhat outspoken old servant to his son's residence. When he returned, eager to learn the old man’s opinion of the lady, he asked : Well, you saw the bride, Thomas +" Yigh ; Aw seed her.” “She's a very rich lady, Tuomas." “Yigh ; so she ts, Aw've yerd.” “Well, then, what's your own private oplulon, Thomas, ene “ Aw think she's a reyt bonny wench to tawk to, as weel As bein’ rich and cllver, hut, maisther, 1¥ beauty’s a sin, she wain't ba’ that to onswer fur !"—London Spare Moments, “Taw the Duke de Bosso.” HoTeL CLERK: Well, 40 long as you don’t get nolsy, and pay in advance, we'll let you stay here. —Philadephia Record. Toe Jadliee of the submarine cable recalls a little story of Lord Kelvin, whose inventions, the mirror galvanometer and siphon recorder, made “submarine telegraphy commerctally practicable."* At the time Professor Thompson, as he was then, was en- gaged on his deep-sea soundings work, he was one day discovered by a visitor experimenting with # long coll of wire. What ts that for? inquired the visitor, pointing to the wire, Making sounds," repiied the professor. Ah.”* sald the guest, joculariy, * what kind of note does tt give ott” “The deep C, of course," came the answer, like @ shot, accompanied by the well-known twinkle In the professor's eye —London Express. Mrs. O'BRIEN: Good marin’, Mra, McCabe, makes yez 100k so sad? Mus. McCabe: Shure, Dennis was sint to th’ penitintiary fer six months Well! Shure, don’t worry. SIx months will soon An’ phwat hure, that's phwat worrtes me."—Lesie's Weekly. IN the faneral sermon the colored parson said that the deceased brother was now “safe on Abrabam’s bosom.” After the service a member of the congregation sald to him : “How do you know dey’s room enough for ‘im dar? Atn’t dat whar Latherus 18?” “ Well,” explained the parson, bit may be dat Latherus 1s done waked up, en is gwine roun’ takin’ exercise!" Atlanta Constitution. all Newsdealers in Great Britain. The Inter- rompany, Broun « Building, Chancery Lane, London, |, AGENTS. ECROPEAN AGENTS—Messra. Brentano, 37 Avenue de VOpera, Paris. Established 1823. Hunter WILSON WHISKEY. That’s Al! Baltimore Rye The perfect type of the purest whiskey, claims thi: The test is taste, and a taste convinces that it is Pure, Old, Mellow. It is The American Gentleman’s Whiskey, ‘HE WILSON DISTILLING CO., Baltimore, Md. Wat, Lasanan sw, Baltimore, Md. Redmond, ( ycs‘teve Kerr & Co.) vestuent SECURITIES. BANKERS, — 41 WALL ST., N. Y. Issue Travellers’ Members N.Y, Stock Exchange, \ Letters of Credit Available Over the World. It is Summer all Winter in CALIFORNIA Golf, Tennis, Polo, Coaching, Riding, Driving, Fishing, Hunting, Boating, Bathing Every Day in the Year Cd Housekeeping Linens. Table Cloths, Napkins and Doylies Special Sizes and Patterns. Embroidered and Plain Linen Sheet illow and Bolster Cases. Towels and Towelings. Drawn Work and Lace and Linen Tea Cloths, Scarfs and Sideboard Covers. Blankets and Comfortables, NEW YORK. TAKE THE “SUNSET LIMITED” (Palatial Hotel on Wheels) Fast Time Leave New York Turspays, THURSDAYS, SATURDAYS Apply to SOUTHERN PACIFIC CO. 339 Broadway, or’! Battery Place, New Yort Superb Equipment All you have guessed P ame About life tnsurance may be wrong. If you wish to know the truth, “Tow and Why by the PENN Chestnut comicbooks.com