Life — January 23, 1902 — page 14: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

“BA ELLO! Give me the New York Central Railroad, This the New York Central? I want to talk to the President of the road’? “Hello! Is this the President? Say, how about that last accident in your tunnel?” “‘Ah,Isee, You weren’t toblame. Everything, you say, was working all right officially, What's that? Seo the General Manager? Thanks,” “Ig this the General Manager? Say, how about that accident?" “Oh, yes. You weren't to blame, of course. Signals all right. Fine system, What's that? Division Superintendent? Allright.” Is this the Division Superintend- ent? I want to inquire about that accident.” “Not at all. I knew you weren't to blame, of course. You weren't running tho en- gine. All you and the cther officials did was to furnish the conditions.”” ‘*What’s that? Engineer’s fault? Did he do it on pur- pose?” “Of course, Certainly. Did it because he thought it was time to have another accident, burn and slaughter a lot of people, himself included. What's that? See the First Assistant? Oh, yes.” “ ” “« First Assistant ? “ ” Say, how about that accident?’ “Isee. Engineer's fault. Trying to make up time because he knew he might get bounced if he didn’t, Of course. The fool couldn't see in the dark.” “ ” “Certainly. engineer?” “ ” “In jail? Oh, of course, I forgot. Well, let me con- gratulate you, and the President, and the General Manager, and the Division Superintendent, and all the other officials, That tunnel is a great success.” He's to blame. By the way, where’s that “e—SAY, P—PIDO, HAVE YOU SEEN MY H—HAT ANY wanes?” Song of The Bold Bulgarian Brigand. (Dedicated to Miss Ellen M. Stone.) 'M an educated brigand of the latest modern brand, When I goes out abducting, I reaches forth my hand And grabs a Boston lady, of the age of fifty-three. Isays to her, “Dear Madam, just you come along of me. Come! Be an auntie to me, and make a good, long stay. You'll have a cosy corner, and beans three times a day.” Isays: “ Although a brigand bold, I'm nicer than you think. While waiting for your ransom, your health we'll daily drink! And when, my dear Aunt Nellie, our cyes behold the tin, 1'll drop a nickel in your box to save the Turks from sin. The publishers will cable you, and offer gold galore, And Major Pond will beckon you unto your native shore. “Tm an educated brigand, and a first-class modern man ! T'll threaten you with marriage, and help you all 1 can, With rumors wild your countrymen I'll daily agitate, And give ‘The Board’ a plausible excuse to pass the plate, A ‘Book on Brigands’ you can write and make yourself a name, Ob, isn’t this a pious scheme to bring you cash and fame?” From a Munich Paper. BENEATH a picture in Simplicissimus, showing two British soldiers beside a dead companion in South Africa, is this line : “They have killed our poor Bob. We will avenge him to-morrow by shooting five of their children.” How vicious these foreign papersare! It is only from English sources that wo get the real trath—the pleasant facts. Probably because English accounts are impartial, don’t you know. Never Too Young. TH CHILD'S FATHER: Doctor, don’t you think that baby is too young to submit to an operation? Tue Doctor: My dear sir, you can’t begin too soon. comicbooks.com