Life — January 9, 1902 — page 16: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

A CORKESPONDENT of the Saturday Meciew (London) furnishes that pertodical with the following examples of schoolboy essays, composed in response to directions to write on a given subject, without previous preparation : A Suipwreck.—A shipwreck Is an awfal thing for some- times you get wet and sometimes you get dround and sometimes you get burnt but the last is the worst. Once @ big lyner got upset with a mortal wound tn her side but all the people was saved bar one and he got cat. Sharks and whales feed on dead bodies and sometimes they eat them alive. We should never cat fish what cat us because thelr canybals Just like savages, Satlors catch sbarks with a leg of pork and a thick string which they cut up for whalebone and blubber to make train oll MARRIAGE IN STRANGE Laxps.—( This subject twas giren ofter a reading lesson on the «ame )—Marriage 1s lottery my mother says so and I shall never get married. Fathers been married to my mother twenty-six years aud last year they had silver wedding, this means they get married again to make sure. If they live long enough he's going to have # gold one, My fathers only got one wife, but the Morgans have hundreds, I dont want such alot of mothers becs you catch plenty of wackings and our teacher told us that Mr. Bocken (Bacon) satd those who have lots of wives and little boys give hosts to fortune but I dont know what this means. WaTER.—It 1s a liquid so fs beer and milk but the first ts called a licker because Its adulterated that ts sugar an hops areadded. Water is very useful, ships Moat on It and men and boys swim In tt, we also drink it and in the summer boys use {t to wash thelr faces. Sea water (s salt and 1s useful for all Kinds of fsh such as cod and wales and breem and trout Rain ts water and 1s kept tn old tubs and barrels to wash dirty clothes. PLeasuns.— Pleasure ts doing what you like bat we dont For salo by all Newsdealers in Great Britato. ‘The Inter- get much pleasure except in drawing lesson and when teacher has the face ake then we can do what we like. Last week I went to the fair. This was pleasure and I got very wet and dirty and mother called me a litte pig but I went to bed before father come home, Boys and girls dont get much pieasure till they get men then they smoke and do what they like, My father goes were he likes unless mothers angry then he stays at home.—Exchange. Tux politics of New York City has been much enlivened of late by the activities of Justice William Travers Jerome, whose ‘raids upon the gambilng-houses and notable record on the “stump during the recent muntctpal campaign have already made him famous. For recreation he works as an amateur in a machine-shop in his home in Washington Heights or at Lakeville, for he has a work-room at each place. Ie turns golf balls as neatly asa cabinetmaker, and often volunteers his services as car- penter to the summer colony. He has a lathe in bis assortment of tools which he calls « souventr of the Jerome ralds. While the raiding of pool. rooms by the Judge was at its height lust spring, be noticed a particularly fne machine tn a little shop that he passed on his way downtown, «What's the price?” he inquired. The proprictor named a very low sum. “Well, I think I can afford to buy tt then,” sald the de- lighted Judge. How does It happen to be so cheap?” “Er, to tell the truth,” sald the shopkeeper, “the owner of that lathe had it made to turn roulette wheels with. But since this Judge Jerome got busy he has decided not to make any more for a while."—Vew York World. A CERTAIN Congressman, who had Instructed his butler to say to all undesirable callers that he was in the bath and could not be seen, was recently visited by a constituent with a grievance to exploit, He called every day at the house, bat no matter at what hour he presented himself he was tn- varlably informed that the Congressman was bathing. “I mast see him,” he finally sald one day to the servant ; “my bosiuess ts most mportant ; I'll walt until be ts through with his bath.’ “Da's no use," replied the negro butler; “gen"leman done waited foe hours de udder day ; he wa‘nt through den.” Whereupon the disappointed constituent 13 satd to bave written this upon bis curd : ] “You may succeed, If you persevere, in getting your body clean one of these days; but f you should xpend the rest of your life In @ bath-tub it would not purify your con- sctence or your political record."— Argonaut. GuNERALW, IT. L, BARNES contribates the following mite to the many other good Jokes that the opera has given us. On Saturday last, while being shaved, he happened to ask his barber 1f he had attended the Grau performances at the Grand. ‘The answer was {n the aM™rmative. ] “ How did you enjoy it?” “Not at ail, sir, From my place in the gallery I could see your head below me, and tt mortifled me to notice that [ had not parted your hate atraight."—San Franctsco Ware. | Tue guns were popping away among the pheasants, and a Scottish gamekeeper, with a very light bag, was shadowing a young blood who blazed away at everything bat hit nothing. Presently the latter almed his gun at a pheasant that was running along the ground. “Hoots, mon !"* {nterposed the gamekeeper, tn horror, “Ye must na shoot th’ bird a-runnin’ !"” To which the undaunted sportsman replied : ‘0, man, I don't intend to. I'm wating for the beggar to stop.""—London Answers. pational News Company, Hream's Building, Chancery Lane, ngland, AGENTS. WILSON WHISKEY. | That’s Ali! THE WILSON DISTILLING CO., Baltimore, Md Established 1823. Unique Hunte Baltimore Rye Whiskey. Wa. Laxanan & Uniform, Inimitable The American Gentleman's Baltimore, Md. ECROPrAN AGENTs—Mesars. Brentano, 37 Avenue dol'Opera, Paris, r “ SPIRIT OF NIAGARA” Pan-American Poster 24x48, A FINE HOLIDAY GIFT Price, $1.00 per Copy. Postpaid Only a small quantity remaining and no more will be printed, the plates having been destroyed. Cee. Lyons Silks. Amold, Constable & Co. offer of thelr Spring Importations Novelties in Lyons Printed Shanghai and Foulard Silks, Printed Satin Foulards, Empire and Météor Crépe, | Brocaded and Printed Gazes. | White Silks and Satins | or | Wedding Gowns. Novelties for Bridesmatds’ Dresses. Velvets. PRroadovay 19H8 ot. 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