Life — December 26, 1901 — page 24: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

LOVE A LA MODE. (A Monologue.) He— Dear Hilda, think of by-gone days When locomotion was 80 slow, And balky Dobbin pulled the chatse— How much we modern people know About the horseless carriage (How provoking! If you'll excuse me one moment I'll fx that nut!) —why How obsolete their method seems ; And as { work this motor, I Do reallze my fondest dreams, Just see how carefully expert 1am. This little handie which— (1. won't be @ second this time—jast a little oll tn this valve ! Ob, bang {t! my Ongers are full of gasoline—No, keep your handkerchief—It's all right now.) I turn when feellng like a spart Around this asphalt corner. Rich And lazy men, they say, alone Adopt this horseless carriage fad. But I maintain— (Phew! That child had a narrow escape! 1 guess we'd better not go ao fast, Iitida, I'll have tt xed this time before you know tt—Just wit up there—you haven't ® monkey Wrench about you—ob, of course not—well, It'll hold till we t home. ) aa —that if you own An inexpensive one, no bad Results will follow — (I knew that whee! was loose when we «me ont, aod I was rea REVOLVE L LEVEL LLL, The Ideal 20° & blithering {dlot to forget that monkey wrench—I'm awfully sorry this happened—I suppose you'd better get out, dear— Now won't you please look under the frame and see that 1 don’t put my hand on the wrong valve—that's the tdea— you'd make @ bally machinist. It's only # makeshift, but suppose {t's the best we can do—Get In.) —dearest dear, When I control the horses thus I then eliminate a fear Or cause for (This ts the mit! Of all Gendish devices tt is this particalar make of motor carriage. Now the kind equipped with the electric battery 1s, in my opinion, vastly superior to these in- sane gasoline creatures, that reek with the smeil of oll and are really not Bt to take # lady out in. Of course, in time all these minor defects will be remedied, and we shall achleve the Proper kind of vebicle. I doubt if that blame wheel will bold Sgain—bat we'll make a try, All aboard, love ) —ralsing any fuss ; And set, I took the present ride ‘That I may tell you that I love You better, On my dearest pride, ‘Than anything that lives above ‘This sordid earth. Since you retarn My tove, why, let us no more roam Along this street, but straightway tura The corner and (IVs no use, we'll have to leave It here ; {t won't go another toch ; I belleve its days of usefulness are over—poor old un- wieldy contrivance—and, as for being provoking, I belleve it excels everything ever concelved tn the crazy brain of man since the creation of the world —and these tofantile anstocrats that call themselves expert chanffeurs of these diaboitcal tr ventions should be put under the wheels and carved in taf by thelr own ridiculous demon. Oh,d—+ * — 1+ 1 1 Ob, 1 beg your pardon, Hilda, 1 forgot myself.) —tn smiles go home. —Punch Bout. Mr. WaisrLe was a guest atadinner given by Joba Su. gent, the well-known portrait painter. The little artist dined royally and was very merry, After dinner he asked Sargest if he might be excused while be wrote an Important tee that had slipped bis mind “Certaluly, certainly," replied Sargent ; “you will to ink and writing matertals in the small room at the bead the stairs—help sourself.”* “Thanks,” sald Whistler, and disappeared. Presecuy the other guests were startied by hearing a series of bumps, ending in @ heavy thud at the foot of the stairs. Whisie had tripped, lost his balance, and fallen in a heap. Sargex rushed out, picked him up, and anxiously asked If be wy hurt, “Hurt?” said Whistler, rubbing bis head ; “well, Pe not dead, if that’s what you mean; but tell me, who bait those stairs? Sargent mentioned the name of a builder unknown » Whistler or to fame. “He did, did be?” sald Whistler. * The d— teetotaler:~ Hartford Courant Finst Cuacrreci yesterday? SeCOND CHACPFECR : Ob, 1 ran over & man, but I dot think I “urt the machine any.— Ohio State Journal. Have any bad luck during your tty LONG waist ADJUSTER (PATENTED) THE ONLY BELT ADJUSTER THAT MAKES PIN- NING ABSOLUTELY UNNECESSARY AND WILL gs Was ae ; ! HOLD A LEATHER BELT SECURELY IN POSI- y 4 TION WITH THE V-SHAPED LONG WAIST. Extends the walst line of short and stout women, and gives ndded ele- gance to the lonz- waisted woman. Doen away absolutely with all planting of shirt waist, belt, and skirts, and can be adjusted in a minute. It makes drestinz a pleasure rather than a torture; after asing it you would not be without one for ten times tts cost. Recommendea by the most fashionable dressmakers. Manufactared in Brass, 35 cents; Oxidized and Nickel, 2 cents. For sale by all dealers. Agents wanted. THE ROSALIND CO., = ry A The H. & R i Century Hammerless | Revolver x Address PRUDENTIAL BLOG., BUPPALO, N, Y. would make a good Christmas present and bring a feeling of security to the home. Workmarship as fine as a watch. Don't take the just as good, there are none. Sold direct whece deaters will not supp! FLAMMARION OPERA and FIELD GLASSES~ Gold Medel, Paris,1900 Made under the pétronege of the famous Astronomer. Faultless construction, great power. Prom $5.00 up. Sec that the name “Flammarion” is on each glass y Tre deres 194 £29238 ew yen BOTTS oncina OLD CROW RYE stor WHISKEY coc %otntt £2%n | x x x x x x RY x x x « wa’ HARRINGTON & RICHARDSON ARIS CO. Makers of Hl. & R. Single Gune. Cotalog for Festal, Dept. 4. Worcester, Mass. annaaaaaaaaaandaaaaaaaaaaaa RAR RAaAaaaaaaaaaaaaanaaaaaa: Baaaaaaaaanaanan Raa comicbooks.com