Life — November 28, 1901 — page 16: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

THE AMATEUR CHAUFFEUR, One more enthusiast Covered with dust ; See him go zipping past— “Get there or bust £"° Look at the face on bim ; One might suppose Old Nick was chasin’ him On as he goes. Look at the goggles be Wears as he zips; See how he Joggies ; he Sways and he fips Ronnd the sharp corners and Scorns all his scornens aud Jigaies and Jumps Knocking dogs silly And keeping on til he Runs down or else bumps. Has he a father? ther? Has he a slater? Has he a brother? Ifso, why don’t th Something to bring tim to Seo what a donkey he Is, what a monkey he Looks like up there 1 that old nettle trap, Splitting the alr? —Chieago Record-Herald. Has how AN old mammy, who Inu Known Governor Taylor of Ten- neasce from hls childhved, came lato his office, and began at sin Great Britain. The Inter- Ing, Chancery Lane, ce to plead for the pardon of her husband, who was then tn prison, + Laws bress yo° life, Marse Bob,” she began, * 1 wisht you dat po' ole niggah Jim. He atn't no good for nuttin’ nowhar, He jest dat useless an’ trifin’, even at home, dat be cabn do no mo den sorter scrape * git a little sompen for we-alt to eat, an’ he sholy ain’ no good down dar in dat pen” *T can't do tt, aunty,” the Governor sald. “1 am being abused every day What's Jim In there for? he asked, see Ing the light that was teft dying out of the old woman's eyes. “Wry, Mare Bob, dey Jes" put him In dar for numin® “pon earth ‘cept takin’ one po’ little ham outen Mr, Smith's xmoke- house We was onten meat,an’ de o'e niggah didn't do nuttin’ ‘cep tek de ham fur ter keep we-all fum sturvin’.”? “Well, now suppose I should pardon Jim, what good Would thatdo you? He Is $0 onery and trifling,” the Governor Was wying, when the old woman broke In with the reply: “Wy bress you, Marse Rob, we ts onten meat agin, an we Jes’ got to have anothah ham {"—Lowiectile Times. aroun’ a Tux Protibitiontst had assed the Demon Rum meret- loasly, and with every fresh onslaught the man with the red nose had applauded. Friend,” sald the lecturer at last, “you took like one na drinking tnan,”* You bet t have heen, stranger,” replied the man, earnestly; “but It does my heart good to see you git out after rum, [never did have no use for it. “‘Tuln't a fit drink for aay man. You can't hammer tt too hard for me, ant when you're through I've got a bitof old rye here that'll warm your heart up good. I like «man that knows what to hit an’ what not to it."— Chicago Fost. J. Preeront MORGAN makes his boast that he never has been fnterviewed, and declares that tu the last seven years but one Interviewer ever has been able to approach tis! ‘This was on # recent trip to Europe, when @ represestat the Loadoa Tire would not take * No” for bis answes Tell the Times Man my time Is worth ten pounds minute,” at last sald Morgan. “The Ties man saya he'll take two minutes at thy came back the reply. The Interviewer banded Mr, yf twenty pounds, talked Just two minutes by hom tte. watches, did all the talking himself, and rose to go on the jy. stant. “Why did you want to see me?" Morgan asked of curtosity. “Ob, I wagered one hundred pounds that | w view you personally, that’s all,” was bis reply. Morgan gratulated him on his enterprise, and dismissed him wid the third minute of his call, When asked, the other dss, he kept the twenty pounds, Morgan sald: Yes, and I haven't earned money to a long time thy gave me the satisfaction that twenty pounds did.” ive —<Argonext Wuex I came home yesterday the matd met me door. “Mr. Thommason,"* she satd here yesterday."* T glanced In the parlor and saw that the room was fut nelgh bors. “Some one with a bill?’ T querted; “was it lawyer? *? No,” answered Marte, with a smile, “4 some one with Lit was 0 stork. Thave siuce heard that some people ay that the diate between the maldservant aud mysel€ was arranged bet hand, #0 a4 to give ont the impression in the neighte that 1 was a wit, but that’s a te.—Jadianapolis Sun ECROPRAN AGENTS—Mesars. Breotazo, ‘3 Avenue de l'Opera, Paris, Established 1823. WILSON Men ‘and Women For their physical necds men seek and will have the best stimulant and find perfection in Hunter WHISKEY. That’s All! 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