Life — October 31, 1901 — page 16: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

A GaLwetaN of the Galwegians. That, In a word, summed np the late Lord Morris and Killanin, whose wit gave him @ reputation which extended far beyond reach of the legal circles In which he moved. At Coleraine, while trylug an actlon involving the polsoning of # horse, be was greatly amused at the pompous manner in which # doctor was giving his evidence, to the effect that twelve graing of the potson in question could be given without fatal consequences, and sald at last : Tell me this. Wouldn't twelve graios kill the Devil , if he awallowed them? * “1 can't say,my Lord. 1 never had the honor of pre- scribing for that patient," replied the doctor, Ab, no, Docthor, dearh, ye niver tid 1" retorted the Judge. “ Mhore’s the plty | The ould bhos’s allve yet." In a sanitary case, counsel once ald: “1 assume that your Lordship 1s fully acquatnted with the statutes and authorities.” + Assume nothing of the sort,” sald the Judg to no man tn my utter tgnorance of sanitary law.”* When he was in London, on one occasion, a member of the then Cabinet asked what he thought of the Irish dim. culty, He replicd : 10's a case, do you see, my Lord, of a stuplc and honest people trying to govern # quick-witted and dishonest one against their will, and there's always # diMcalty about that,”* “That's not very complimentary,” sald the Cabinet Minlater. o,my Lord but t's true, and that’s better than com- pllmentary,” sald Lord Mortis. A lady was one day giving evidence in bis Lordship's Court in w case in which It was Important as to whether or not she was In Dublin on a certain day. She turned round to the Judge, and sald : him: “Tyteld eat Britain. The Inter- Building, Chancery Lane, For sale by all Newsdealers in ( Company, Bream ' gland, AGENTS. “Your Lordship onght to know that what I state ts a “ Why, Madam?" asked the Jadge. “Because,” she replied, “tt was the last day of the Assizes, and you and I traveled from Galway to Dubiln in the same railway carriage.” There was a titter tn Court, and, without seeming to notice it, the Jadge sald, quietly : * Madam, for the sake of my character, I must ask you was there not @ third party present all the way?” —The Sketch. A HOTELKERPER tn the Catskills put up a sign as an Advertisement : “Fifty dollars will be pald to any one who can beat this hotel for two dollars # day." Not long afterwards a slick fellow arrived. He occupted 4 room and took three square meals ; then he vanished. The proprietor had bim arrested by the village constable, under the charge of defrauding or * beating” his hotel. The fellow hired @ country lawyer, who promptly sued the tandlord for the fifty dollars reward, claiming that {t was a fair game, as he had “ beaten "the house for the two dollars a day. The prisoner, being discharged, gave the claim for Ofty dotiars to the lawser for bis fee. The lawyer sued, and, in the course of events, being indebted to the Judge, turned the claim over tobim. fis Honor went promptly to the hotel to board out the bill, and on Sanday had the landlord arrested for con- tempt of court because there was no chicken ple served. — Boston Beacon. IN speaking of the terrors of the Slav tongue, Ople Read remarked that a druggtst in the heart of the Russian colony in Chicago recently had @ telephone instrament Installed in is place for the accommodatton of bis patrons, The minute the first user of the phone began to talk Russian t recetver, the wire kinked Into smail knots, itke 4 te twisted string, They couldn't do @ thing to meet emergency until one of the telephone linemen, who tiad ce attempted to do missionary work In & Rasstan settiemest Minnesota, replaced the smooth, insulated copper strand with the ordinary barb wire. That Jagged medium proved g perfect means of transmission for Russtan speech. Ar gomant Para: Where's my umbrella? I’m sure I put it tau hall stand with the others last evening. Write: 1 guess Mabel'a bean took tt when be w, home last night. MapeL: Way, Wille! The Ideat Wittig; Well, when he was sayin’ good night to yoa heard him say : “I'm golng to steal just one,"—Exchange. Ina: The MacDougalls gave @ ball that cost ten thocs/ Ab, @ Scoteh high ball.— Chicago News. ONce, two gentlemen attended a temperance meetisg| and, on returning.home by a dark and narrow lave, se thrown oat of thelr conveyance, The incident wes repors| in the local paper, and the account closed with the words “Fortunately, both men were sober."* ‘The editor received an angry letter from one of the tlemen concerned, with the request for an apology. He was equal to the occaston, In our account of a unfortunate accident to Messra, —,"' wrote the editor, “¥| stated that fortunately both men were sober, It appeas| this statement has given great offense We therefore bey withdraw it."—Argonaut. ECROPRAN AGENTS—Mesara. Breotano, 37 Avenue del'Opera, Paris, Established 1823. WILSON Never Varies. Whenever or wherever it is found Hunter Whiskey WHISKEY. That’s All! THE WILSON DISTILLING CO., Baltimore, Md. Bway & 824 St., Manhattan Theatre “Naor. MRS FISKE and her company in MUSIC HAUL WEBER & FIELDS "Way aust Performance begins at 8,10 sharp. Matinees Tuesday and Saturday. HOITY-TOITY and Burlesque of DIPLOMACY. *,¢ Seats on Sale Four Weeks tn Advance. 31 Pirti AvENvE, New Yous. Stanhope -Wheatcroft Dramatic School. Unrtvalled facilities, Practical stage instruction, Student Matinees, Six months* course began October 14, Highest endorsement. ‘pectus on application. ADELINE StaNuore WaHEaTcROFT, Director. in taste never varies. Age and Purity commingle to enrich the flavor and delight the taste. Wa. Lananan & Sox, Baltimore, Md. GownsandCostumes, Designed for all occasions. Tailor-made Suits, Plain or trimmed effects. NEW YORK. gvV.C hocolates and Confections a When the sweet tooth calls for candy The wisdom tooth says WHITMAN'S Sold everewhera, Whitmae’s Instantaneous Chocolate, Made ina minuto with boiling milk. STEPHEN F. WHIIMAN @ sun, 1316 Chestnut St., Philadelphia. All yon have guessed about life insurance may be wrong. If you wish to know the truth, send for “ How and Why fasued by the PENN Lirg, 921-35 Chestnut Street, Philadelphia. comicbooks.com