Life — October 17, 1901 — page 16: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

BALLADE OF LITERARY LETTERS. Of old it was an easy thing To write a letter to one’s dear, To line the words we felt, and cling To simple sentiments and clear ; But times are sadly changed, we hear— Love grows enamored of the mint ; We pen our lines with care and fear— Our letters must be fit to print. No more In our accustomed way We say the tender things we mean ; Our letters may be made to play A part in book or magazine. Ab, me! They once by one were seen— We did not have to hedge or hint ; But now the public comes between— Our letters must be B& to print Whene’er the lean wolf snarled of old, A man sought friends without demu Or left hts watch {n Shytock's hold, Or starved or stole, as he'd prefer ; But now be takes the notes of Her, The honeyed lines she did not stlot, And hies him to a publiaher— Our letters must be Ot to print. L'ENVot. Sweetheart, henceforth with words alone Shall Love hts fond expresstons tint. It grieves me sore, yet must |own My letters are not ft to print. —Theortosia Garrison in the October Century ew sddeale A CERTAIN drug clerk bad beard the story of the colored Woman who, on asking for fiesh-colored court-plaster, was given black by the observant shopkeeper ; and he treasured up the incident, hoping for an opportunity to imitate the sbarpness of the dealer, Ilis opportunity came. One evening a comely colored girl stepped Into the store where he was employed. “ [wants some cou't-plaster,"” ahe sald. “What color?’ inquired the clerk, with affected non- chalance. “Flesh cullab, aah."* Trembilng in hts shoes, and keeping within reach of a heavy pestle, the clerk handed the young woman a box of black court-plaster, He was surprised at the time that the situation afforded so little humor. The girl opened the box with @ deliberation that was ominous, but her face was un- rumied as she noted the color of the contents. “1 guess you mus' a’ misunderstooc my ordah, I asked for flesh cullan, and you done give me skin cullah,” she said. ‘The drug clerk 1s said to be still a Iittle dazed, and he has Ormly resolved to subject every Joke to rigid laboratory teat hereafter before using.—Piduburg News. Bevore the days of chloroform there was a quack who Advertised tooth-drawing without pain. The patient was Placed In a chair and a wrench given, when he roared violently. “1 thought you sald there was no pain?” “So there is not by my process. That ts Cartwright’s way. That's the way he does it, It's very dierent from mine.” Another tug, and a still more violent howl. “That's the way Dumerge pulls teeth," sald the un- nGreat Britain. ‘The Inter- Company, Bream's Building, Chancery Lane, e London, E. C., England, AGENTS. Abashed practitioner. “You don't Ike It, 00 doult. Way would?" Another twist was given, and the patient, xs rue, howled worse than ever. the deutisi said,“ is Parkinson's mod: By this time the tooth was nearly out. “T will now,” he sald, “display my own method Wwhereapon he trlumphantly withdrew the tooth aud bei it up for inspection.“ You observe that by my truly scieatite Process there ts really no pain whatever."— Exchang-, Tus caller explained bis misston, “Ive worthy cause,” he said, # Itls, lndeed,” admitted the up-to-date mercbaut. © You may put our firm down for five hundred dolla Good 1" exclaimed the caller, “It's to be done very quietly and unostentatious!s, of course. The money will te given in &@ lump sum from ‘a few friends,” without asy names whatever.”* + No one will know who gives?” asked the merchant, Xo one,” answered the caller No list published "* “None.” * Cross the name of our firm off.""—Chicago Post “CHitpReN,” sald the teacher, while Instructing the class tn composition, ‘+ you should not attempt any Migbtsct fancy, but simply be yourselves, and write what ts tn soa Do not imitate any other person's writings or draw lospizs tion from outalde sources." As a result of this advice Jobnny Ise turned in te following composition : e should not attempt any fites of fancy, bat rte whatis in us, In me thare is my stummick, lungs, hart, ser, two apples, one plece of ple, one stick lemon candy and a dtnner."— Baltimore American Messrs. Brentano, is. Established 1823. America’s Best The most perfect of the purest type of whiskey is WILSON Hunter WHISKEY. Baltimore Rye 7 The best for every need of whiskey, and everyone who needs That’s All! whiskey needs the best. It is particularly recommended to women because of its age and excellence. THE WILSON DISTILLING CO., Baltimore, Md. Wa. Laxaman & Son, Baltimore, Md. HITMANS Manhattan Theatre “Way” MRS FISKE a her company in MIRANDA Baidcéiiy Every Evening at 8:15. Saturday Matinee at 2. Sboencl W'Ch lat CouslccCC, | PAMSiERe an Women’s Furnishings. Shirt Waists. ists, tailor finish, in all the newest shades. | Mohair Waists in black and fancy When the sweet tooth calls for candy The wisdom tooth says WHITMAN'S Flannel V WEBER & FIELDS "Ei.4AH Performance begins at 8,10 sharp, Matinees Tuesday and Saturday, HOITY-TOITY and Burlesque of DIPLOMACY dotted effects Embroidered Flannel Waists, Fancy Albatross Waists for Evening Wear, Mourning Waists. Corsets Proadovay K 1988 ot. NEW YORK. o* Seats on Sale Four Weeks In Advance. 31 Fira Avance, New York. Stanhope -Wheatcroft Dramatic School. Unrtvalled facilities. Practical stage tnstruction, Student Matinees. Six months’ course begins October 14, Highest endorsement. Prospectus ou application. | ADELINE StaNuore WaEatcxorr, Director. Sold everywhere, Whitmas's Tastantancous ina minnte with STEPHEN F. WHITMAN 1316 Chestnut St., Phila All you have guessed bout life insurance may be wrong. Ifyou wish to. koow the truth, send for “How and Why by the Pen “MuTvat, Lire. 921-3-5 Cheswut Street, Piitadeiptiin. comicbooks.com