Life — October 10, 1901 — page 14: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

Senator! ILL'S in Congress; got there same Es he's got to every blame ‘Thing he’s aimed at ever sence He clim up a ten-foot fence When he wa'nt no Iigher much ‘Than the knobs his toes could clutch. (Knobs we never see till Bill Had lit over the big hill With Bob Barnes's new prize dime.) Seemed like, somehows, every time Bill got thar! Bill was rotten dull at school ; Never knowed one kind 0° rule F'm another. But I'm blamed At the Jast, when them was named Thet had passed—ef Lill wa'nt thar! J, or made it squar cher. No one knew How it happened —but ‘twas true Bill got thar! Not a girl but what would fling Any other feller high If Bill chanced to sot his Her direction ; had a way 0’ jes’ braggi tand day Till he'd sorter make a giel ‘Think the sun and stars and worl’ All spun roun’ fer him, an? when ‘Two of us was courtin’ Jen'— Bill got thar! When Bill started in the race Fer to set in the same place Where Dan Webster, Calhoun, Blaine ed their mantles—gosh ! my g an’ rubbed ag’inst it—though I'd no mortal thought he'd go! Bill a seat in Congress? Sure Couldn't think o” thet ther boor— But—what dropped—we never guessed— come—by all that’s blessed. Bill got thar! “Lect L ain't got a word o' ill 'Ginst th Is a man o' our own sort ; he ain't no kind 0 sport iis grammar—an' a speech Comes so hard you'd think a leech Drog it fm him—there’s a heap Sill kin do. Shearin’ sheep Ain't no likelier hand than him ; Brands a herd as quick an’ trim Asacowboy. When Snell's crowd Vanched fer prizes (crowin' loud), Lill got thar! Bill don’t know no more o' laws Than a pullet—but he draws it comes to stand ig jack-pot. My—land! - LIFE « Downin’ lawyers ain't a deuce 'o the cards thet he'll let loose! 's got gumption | An’ knows too, Jes’ what Congress ought to do Fer to help us sheep men ; he'll Pash our interests—an’ I feel, After all, the choice wa'nt bad— We need sheep-laws—an’ I'm glad Bill got thar ! Gill Blake. A Common Cause. By Mrs. Witsox Wooprow. HIGH-BRED CAT and a Dog of long pedigree met on nentral ground—a hearth-rug. Both had taken innumerable prizes at many dog and cat shows. “Sorry I can't ask you to lay aside your furs,” said the Dog. “ Under other circumstances I might have as-. sisted you in so doing.” He showed his teeth in a rather un- pleasant g “Thanks,” said tho Cat, lazily. “It's just as well you did not. I have a curit feeling—call it superstition, if you will—that such an action on your part might have resulted in your permanent blindness.”” The Dog stirred restlessly. ‘* Awfully pretty jeweled collar you are w i he said, placatingly. “ And that big white satin bow is tremendously becoming to you.”” “ Dear of you to tell me so,” replied the Cat. “I've just retarned from a sitting for my new portrait. I'm look- ing in a mirror, with one paw on a mouse, It's to be called ‘The Eternal Feminine.’ ” “Charming! I’m just home from having my new blankets fitted —a dozen of them—fur, silk, velvet and broadcloth,”” “Your blankets are always in better form than those of any dog I know.” Politely, ‘‘ Have you been walking to-day?" ‘*No; I refuse to put my feet to the ground after the frost comes; the pavements are toocold. Ialways insist on being driven, and, by the way, I'm rather out of sorts to-day. I heard some brutally rude men pointing out my blankets and collar and talking about insufficiently fed children,”” “Why on earth should that worry asked the Cat, opening her eyes “Ob, well! It always frightens me. It makes our position seem so insecure. Suppose every one looked at us from that standpoint?” “They won't,” returned the Cat, yawning slightly.“ We area fad, be- longing to that class of luxuries moro necessary than the necessities. As to starving children. Bah! Aro we not more than many sparrows?" An Al lutionary Tayu When I am Six as Imean to grow A great lg beard. Then up above Til wear a frizz Just like the one As’ then the face “I have to wash, comicbooks.com