Life — September 19, 1901 — page 16: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

IN THE PALACE OF THE CZAR. The Czar was lounging on the throne, ‘The doctor paced the hallskt, When through the palace came a fatnt And feeble sort of squallski. The doctor burried to the Czar And erled : “1 wish you Joyskt You are once more & papavitch, Bat—It 1s not @ boyskl.” The Czar lald down bis sceptrevitch, And sald: “It makes me sickskt To think that It 1s not for me To play with little Nickskl. ‘Tis bad enough to walk the Noor When teethovitch annoysk!, But it would not affect me so If tt bad been # boyskl.? ‘The Czar walked to the palace gate, Unheeding bomb or mineski, And nalled thereon a very big And boldly lettered aignskl, ‘The subjects cried the Russtan for The French * Vive le Rotski,"" Then read the signski, which announced This: WANTED HERE— | BOYSKI. | Baltimore American. NOTHING can be more outlandish than Ignorance, stupld- ity and vulgarity In ® magnificent house, aud that Is why people In comfortable circumstances get so much more real satisfaction out of life than the Junkheads of luxury, whose coarse breeding and tenement-house traning sticks to them, no matter where they are or where they go. Stk may cover them, diamonds may blaze upon their breasts, or on tbe ends of their noses for that matter, but no trick of hatrdressers milillner of tatlor, jeweler or perfumer cau change the vulgar laugh, the vulgar votce, the vulgarlook, the vulgar shape, the vulgar ostentation that belongs to them as distinctly as the ears belong to the ass.—Schoolmaster. IN & Massachusetts town last winter, James A. Rits was asked by a gaunt, funereal sort of chap what be should say by way of introducing him to an aesembiage. “Oh,” suid Mr. Rils, tna spirit of levity, “say anything you like. Say I am the most distinguished citizen 1n the country. They generally do.” Whereupon bis funereal friend marched upon the stage ‘and calmly announced to the audience that he did not know this man Rils, whom he was charged with Introducing, never heard of him, “He tells me,” he went on, with never a wink, ‘that he 1s the most distingulshed citizen In the country. You can Judge for yourseives when you have beard him.” Argonaut. A Drorrwicn barber was just foishing lathering a cus- tomer and was talking volubly as usual, + Yes, alr," he sald, * there's no carelessness allowed by ouremployer. Every time we cut a customer's face we are fined sixpence, and If we make an ugly gash It costs us a shilling." Then, picking up and brandishing bis razor, he added : “But I don't care a rp to-day. I've Just won a sovereign.” —London Answers. Two meu were discussing an acquaintance, whose desire to gain wealth and distaste for any demands upon bis chartiy were equally well known, “What tn the world does he want of more money ?** de- manded one of the tnco, tn the tone of one who defies the public at large to dnd an answer to bis question, “He hasn't any near relatives, and be doesn’t begin (o <pend hiy income now,” “Ab,” sald the other man, “that’s Just it. Ie wants to economize on a still larger scale,” = Youth's Conpanions CHARLES derived little good from bis visit 10 Sunday. school yesterday, After dinner matoma missed « «nail pot of Jam, and as she noticed some telitale evideoces about Charles's mouth and hands, she asked him If be bad seen o¢ eaten the jam. Charles insisted tat he bad not even seea the Jam. Papa thereupon was called in, aod punished severely. Drawing Charles close to her, the tears from his eyes, mamma sald : “When I was your age, my boy, I never told false. hood. How o'd were you before you began?™ asked Charies, between sobs.—AMany Journal. GENERAL 0. O, Howaxn, who commanded one of the wings of Sherman's army on the famous march to the sea, and who bore Lee's frst shock at Gettysburg, was once Interviewed on the subject of answers to prayer. Ia bis| famous fight with Stonewall Jackson the Union forces were defeated 80 he was asked : « You prayed before that battle?” “ Yes," he answered. And Jackson was a praying man. Yes," he assented “Then how wast he gatoed the victory? Did that mesa that the Uulon cause was wrong?” Very gently the good old general replied: “Both oar prasers were answered. Jackson prayed for immediate Victory and I for the ultimate triumph of our cause, We both got what we prayed for."— Argonaut. He prayed also To steal & loaf of bread for # starving cbild—that is robbery. To swindle a widow out of her estatemttat ts Soancee:ing.— schoolmaster, national News Company, Bream’ London, E. C., England, AGENTS. 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