Life — September 12, 1901 — page 8: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

In High Society. (The scene is laid in the Casino, @ Newport, Everybody who is anytody ts present, and a great many who are not any: body, As the curtain ries, the entire company is dis closed singing and dancing in fancy costume. Then ad- vance to the front Mrs. Leeds Thegang, Mrs. G. Brazen Glare, Mrs, O. Howe Vulg, and Mrs. Burstyngside Boo die.) Quarterte, “We or Society. Lrapers We're leaders of society! Come feast yourenvious eyes. We dote on notoriety, As doubtless you surmise. In clothes we pose both night and day To the point of extreme satiety ; So we beg you to gaze On our every phase, For we're leaders of smart society. We're leaders of vulgarity, Though this is entre nous ; Our stock's above all parity— Behold us now on view ! In clothes we pose both day and night To the point of extreme satiety, And with proper conceit We beg to repeat, We're leaders of smart society. (They ail turn around slowly and Unportantly, that every one may viet, and march majestically torear to loud applause. The orchestra now quiets down, playing a minor strain, as there steps to the Sront a young girl of stately mien.) Dénetante Soro. “Tu tr or A MILLIONAIR Tecan play a little music, I can sing @ little song, Iean talk in French or German, though my accent isn't stron I am good in conversation if the subject isn't deep, And I sit and stand and laugh and ery and walk and eat and sleep. There are other girls just like me, yet with me they don’t compare Jim the marketable daughter of a multi- millionaire. Davouter I have had a little schooling of the fashion- able sort, 1 am upon gown creations and in certain kinds of sport. 1 am “peerless” at present, but for long this cannot be, For although I may be brainless, yet the ducats go with me, Sully away to Ood Save the King.” “LIPE@ Which is all that's necessary—so allow me to declare I'm the marketable daughter of a multi- millionaire. I've a heart beneath my diamonds that is always in good form— Mama believes a title is the thing to keep it warm, My capacity for loving in the good old- fashioned way Has never been developed, for it’s not ‘the thing” to-day ; Yet I sometimes wish it might be (though to breathe this I don’t dare)— I'm the marketable daughter of a multi- millionaire. (A great commotion now takes place, and all the company bow low, as a litte man enters lowly and ambles to the footlighte, Bouquets are thrown at him, and he acknowledges the homage with alight and weary cranial inclinations, and, ad- justing his monocte, delivers himself as follows : ) Sone or Conquest. Lorp Toveunctt, I'm a true British peer, With a trace of a leer, da checkered career Somewhat cynical. Yet I say, without tact, As a matter of fact, In a marriage compact Tam finical. Tamtroubled with gout, And I cawn't get about, And you'll think this, no doubt, A defic Yet my title is plain— In itself without stain— Which is quite (I maintain) A sufliciency. (Several business-looking documents are now terown at him, and his man picks then up and presents (hem, while he scans them critically, and then continues : ) Ah! ‘Twas as I surmised, And my friends had advised, For my title is prized By a host of ’em. I'll be careful until T have just filled my bill. In the meantime, I will Make the most of ‘em. (He chucks under the chin seceral heiresses who have placed themselves in line, and hodbles pain- Mra. Golden Shamm now steps lightly to the front. She te followed by a green glare, which throws her plump and matronly figure into bold relief.) Sone or tux Tor Noten. Mrs. Gorn Suan. T entertain In a lavish strain And a certain perspicacity, Which enables me Right on top to be As a leader of known capacity. I came from naught, But I've been much sought Since my husband made his millions, And the rest of you prance To dinner and dance And my glittering gay cotillions. My family tree Just a shrub may be, But my cash is a gaudy entity. So I sing Ha! Hat! Iam known afar, And my social standing’s way above par. Cuorvs. She's a glittering gaudy success. Ha! Ha! As all of us hate to confess. Ha! Ha! She's a leader of perspicacity. Thovgh her family tree is quite small, Ha! Ha! Why, this docsn’t matter at all. Compared with her cash capaci Ha! Ha! (She retires amid the homage of all concerned. The company now separates into two parts as a regiment of society reporters entere to the music of tin horns, They are greeted with prolonged cheers.) Cnorvs or Soctety Rerorters. ‘The warrior and ruler have a certain useful function, which is doubtless beneficial to the State, And the toiling politician, with his universal unction, is of value in a scheme that's ultimate, ‘The merchantand the lawyer and the savant scientific may perform some things of value, it is true, But for matters all momentous, with a bear- ing ponderific, why, allow us to com- mend ourselves to you. We note your gowns with care, And with zeal untired Are our pens inspired By the lovely gems you wear. While others may be toiling over things in- consequential, we're the ones who write the columns that you con, For, in all the world, the only thing that really is essential is relating what the social set has on- We never, xever, NEVER tire, Though they call it rot, ‘tis true. But each day the names Of the social dames We print. It’s the thing to do. (They are here le 1 away and fed at a ede table, while there steps to the front the portly figure of Mr, Bonds Tooburn.)