Life — July 4, 1901 — page 9: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

WHAT ts Te Goop oF ENGLISH “There isn’t a thing that I cannot do.” When I say to you two —It’s no sham and quite true— I’m the only I AM now living! Cuorvs. He scorns all thought that heis a sham, And declares he’s the one and only I AM. (AU three lock arms and dance a literary clog dance, after which they sing as yolluws.) Sone oF THE TRIPLETS. Sing Hey for the pose of the great I AM Which each of us represents ! We are cheap at our price, which is never a sham, For combined we're but thirty cents ! Cuorvs. Together they look like thirty cents, As much as the I AM represents ! (The music suddenly ceases, and there tx a dead silence, as there steps from the rear of the stage the figure of Harry Thurston Peck. He is clad in a harteguin suit of indigo and plays his own accom. paniment ona cymbal. As he steps forward, all groan.) Apotocta. Harry THurston Peck. There isn’t a thing that I cannot do With my active pen laborious, From poetical stuff To a wordy puff, Or a talk on words vainglorious. In my turgid style The dead I reviie, As becomes assinitee ; And I’m not half bad Asa blatant cad My critics avow of me. BS} INTERNATION CYCLOPAD) I wade in culture ap to my neck In ways that are multitudinous. But some assert That it’s only dirt, And my methods are hebetudinous. Yet I vow to you ‘That it isn’t true, And I have no sinister gall. And I’m not an asi My motive will pass! I'm out for the cash, that’s all! Cuorvs. He's not an ass, as many declare Of his ways so multitudinous. He's out for the cash, and it isn’t fair To aver that he’s hebetudinous ! (A sudden commotion is now observed and it becomes apparent that something important is about tohappen. After animpressive preliminary silence, a company of Amazons, alcladin Quaker costumes, carrying vai ious cooking utensils. march in, At their headis the noble fijure of E. W. Bok. He is dressed ina becoming bifurcated licy cle shirt and carries a union suit of underwear ovr his leftarm. The company he leads, who are some of the most famous recipe writers in the country. pass thei* time in throwing bouquets at him, while the sings.) ‘ONG oF Success. E. W. Box. To present you my credential is a matter unessential for the proper promulgation of my fame: Quite sufficient for my mission to allay all vain suspicion is the mere accentuation of my name. “A nice young man am I.” I'm Bok, of the Ladies’ Home Journal, And a nice young man am I. My methods are purely supernal ; My job is as soft as pie. The element religious, with a finesse quite prodigious, is the only affectation I pursue. But I do it with: persistence that admits of no resistance, with a cash accumulation held in view. I'm Bok, of the Lddies’ Home Journal ; Naught namby-pamby I shirk. Your methods are all of them vernal Compared with my beautiful work. + CHorvs. He works the namby-pamby in a way that is supernal, And to catch your attention We have only to mention He is Bok, of the Ladies’ Home Journal! (The company now resoloce itself into its proper elements and all join hands and sing.) We publish cheap and vapid things to please the public dear, Because it pays ! Perpetually we grasp our horns and blow them loud and clear, Because it pays ! So be not too censorious !—Our methods are vainglorious and lack the meritorious, Because it pays ! (Currary.) Tom Masson. comicbooks.com