Life — July 4, 1901 — page 16: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

THE CZAR TO HIS VALET. What ho, there, Ivan Witcbiswitch, ‘The moon has left the sky, The morning sun ts rating fast, And so, 1 faith, must 1. Get out my safest sult of clothes, No garb of Mimsy cloth But rather one with steel begirt, For I must sally forth. This morn I walk across the yard, Across the yard and back, And Lon such & fearsome jaunt, No proper garb shoutd lack. Get out my shoes of copper brown, Get out my socks of matt, Get out the double-armored coat That sports the tron tatl ; 1 want « shirt of tempered steel, A pair of pants to mate! A bat so firm and hard and stanch, ‘That bullets cannot scratch, Til button every seam with nails And rivets use for studs, And then ['il seek the molten bath To Harveyize my duds. Prepare the hath, 0 Witchtswitch, And do {t quick, | warn, For who can tell, some Nibiiist Might soot me while you're gone. Arthur Il. Folwall, tn the Brooklyn Daily Eagle. A Boston landlord refused to entertain Sarab Bernhardt’s dog. He sitid he didn’t run @ bostelry fer man and beast, and as Saran isn’t & man and the dog 1s & beast, tbe great Prench actress wiped her feet on the tandlord's doormat, and, after giving bim afew chotce specimens of Parisian back tik took her dog aud her departure. Of course. the landiord to question Isn't obliged to ron a doghouse, and he needn') make any exceptions, either. But at the same time it does seem as if there should be a hotel where dogs of fespectable character could be boused for the night. Of course, If necessary, there conld be roles to govern the behavior of the dog guests, and these might easily be pre- pared by revising those already in use in the hotel rooms. For Instance : Dogs accompanted by thelr nurses can bave special seats reserved at the second tabte. Bones sent to rooms will be charged extra. Dogs are requested not to bark out the gas. Dogs will Kindly refrain from gnawing the soap and worrying the towel, Dogs of mustcal taste are expected to conform to the rules of the house and cease their howling promptly at twelve midnight, Dogs are expected not to bite the chambermatd, £2 Dogs are warued uot to leave any valuables tn (Welr rooms, Collars can be checked with the night dog clerk..' Dogs desiring thelr pants pressed whlle they sleep can make arrangements with the hallboy. Dogs will please report with promptness any lack of cur-tesy on the part of the house employees. — Cleveland Plain Deater. Paittirs BROOKS once gave a new version of the “Jonah " story to a wondering skeptic, who sald he doubted whether ® whale’s throat was large enough to swallow Jouah, “There was no dificulty,” said the Bishop ; “Jonah was one of the minor prophets.""—Musical Courier. Dr. To one archipelago. .... . $20,000,000 I To beuevolently assimt- | a By two sears! exports 10 Phitippines, say $3,.00, 000, profit 00 which at lating the same, 730 days q ft $750,000 a day...... .547,000,000 To expenses able negotl- ators Parts Treaty To two stands which able negotiators thought they had bought. 222,000, | Profit and loss. New York Eventig Poa Epwaro Evererr Hate relates how a curioas crept toto the transtation of the Lord's Prayer into 19e ware Indian tongue. The English translator bad as assistant an Indian who knew English, “What ts ‘hallow * tn Delaware?" asked the trancas The Indian thought be satd *halloo,” and gave bia equivalent. Therefore, the Delaware version of the Ls Prager reads to this da; “Our Father, Who art in heaven, hallooed te name {""—Argonaut. Asctm : What are you so down upon the English fer? Cassivy: Why shouldn't 1? Look at the stories tes: be tellin’ about thim, * Yea, but they tell storfes about the Irtsb, too, wbicdp say are ies." “Aye! bat all the Hes they tell about tbe Engi « true."— Philadelphia Press. in Great Britain. Tbe Inter- ECROPRAN AGENTS—Mesars. Brentano, 37 Avenue de FOpera, Paris, FSTERBROOKS 130 Karietics. American Made Pens and te For Sale by all Stationers. Best Pens in the World. Works, andes. 1. THE ESTERBROOK STEEL PEW CO, 2 str s. see tat WILSON WHISKEY. That’s All! 161 BROADWAY. 688 BROADWAY. THE WILSON DISTILLING CO., | ee 753 SIXTH AVENUE. Baltimore, Md ALLEN'S FOOT-EASE _ Hotel Ampersand *"%."" rt Shake Into Your Shoes Ber vee we, ; ATTN erage. New ve without change. Withit short drive of all the cipal resorts in the m@ tains. Most Attractive P for Young People A perfect nine-hole Course. Swimming, R ing, Canoeing, Tennis Dancing. HOTEL AMPERSAN! Ampersand, N. ON LOWER SARANAC LAKE An Ideal areatest comfort scovery of the axe. Allen's » Putte Rave makes tigbt-ituog or pew shoesteoleary. [tis n certain cure for singrowing hot, tired: 2, G0 te tation, Seat by mail for2se ins FREE “Nines ALLEN S. OLMSTED, Le Roy, N. Y. OLMSTED. Le Roy, PO, rin “So Easy to Use.” (Mention thie magazine) Best Line to Chicago and the West—NEW YORK CENTRA - ee comicbooks.com