Life — June 20, 1901 — page 16: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

DREAMERS, ug. It 1 were Plerpont Morgan were Hetty Green er ull the bowers, We'd make the sunshine ours And I would crown you queen Upon a throne of Rowers, If L were Plerpont Morgan And you were Hetty Greea. ane. If you were Plerpont Morgan And I were Hetty Green, Tn dismal days and sunny We'd just keep making money And stacking It between Our happy selves, my honey, If you were Plerpont Morgan And | were Hetty Green. —Chicago Record Herald. A RAILNOAD ATTORNEY Just back In Washington from the South went to South Carolina on the same train with Senator Tillman and Mrs. Tillman a few days ago. “We bad seats in & parlor-car,” sald the attorney, “and were comfortable If not luxurious. 1 knew Tillman to be such an outspoken ad- ¥ocate of the ‘phil people’ that 1 was surprised, but I de- cided that he had come to the conclusion, after serving six years in Washington, that partor-cars were not against the principles of true Democracy. However, I found that that was not the case, for when the train reached the South Caro- lina lne Senator Tilman and his wife gathered up their belongings and moved forward to a plain, ordinary day- coach, They were too wise to ride through their own State tn an expensive upholstered car."—.Argonaut A CERTAIN member of Pariiament was walking through the city some time back when he perceived, just abead of him, an acquaintance, whose handkerchief was sticking half out of his pocket. Seized with a brilliant Idea, he quickened his pace and, stepping up just behind his friend, withdrew the handker: chief altogether without the owner being in the least aware of what had taken piace. He was Just about to address him and call bis attention to what he bad done when he felt a tap on the arm, and, halt- turning, confronted a quiet, gentleman-like looking man, who returned to the M.P. bis own purse, handkerchlef, and a bunch of keys, at the same time saying : “1 beg your pardon ; I didn’t know you were one of us '** Exchange THe cross-examiner was a smart man, whose object was to disconcert (he witness and discredit his testimony. “What did you say your name wast" was the first question. “Michael Doherty.” “Michael Doherty, eh? Now, Doherty, answer thls question carefully, Are you a married man?” “Ol think 90, Ot was married.” ‘© you think because you got married that you are a married man, do you? Now, tell me whom you married.” “Who Of married? T married a woman.” “Now, don’t you know better than to trifle with the court? Of course you married « woman ; did you ever hear of any one marrying a man?" «Yes, mol sister did.""—London Spare Moments ‘Tue correspondence was brief, but to the point. letter she received was as follows : “Dear Madam : I take pleasure tn shipping to your ad- dress a rug valued at fifty dollars, for which | shall be giad The ' to recetve your check. If you do not desire the rug, pleae return it.” “The fdea!”™ abe exclaimed. impertinence.” ‘Then she sat down and wrote the following = “Dear Sir: I have ordered no rag from your estatits, ment, and I see no reason why I should go to the expense retarning that which | do not want, and which was se: me unsolicited.” To this she recelved the following answer tn due time: * Dear Madam : 1 will send for the unsoitetted rug, s24 1 trust you will do me the favor to send for the unsolicied charity entertainment tickets which now Me, with a! twenty-eight others, on my desk.” “The discourteous Lor |" she exclaimed, idently,” he soltloquized, “there are methods ¢t procedure that cannot be successfully appiled to business: St. Paul Trade Jourees. “LT never knew “1 aM satlsfed now that I bave made a professes! biunder in your case,” the physician sald, noting the symp toms of bis paulent. A blunder, doctor? enought" “You are improving too fast. Your matady had bes to Interest me exceedingly, und I wanted to see what it woud develop Into if allowed to rua, but I stupidly gave you a pre. scription that has knocked {t entirely out of your system.” — Chicago Tribue. Don’t I seem to be tmproviag fis ++ Heseems quite celebrated as an author, and yet be tis written very little. * Yes, for, you see, pretty much everything he does & silly enough to afford material fora literary anecdote. Detroit Journal sale by all Newsdealers national News ( London, E. C., GENTS. Great Britain. ‘The Inter. SreaTAUES 's Building, Chancery Lane, ECROPEAN AGENTS~Messrs. Brentano, 37 Avenue de l'Opera, Established 1823. WILSON WHISKEY. That’s THE WILSON DISTILLING CO., Baltimore, Md. Works, Camden, 8. J. FSTERBROOKS 150 Varieties For Sale by all Stationers, THE ESTERBROOK STEEL PEN co. 26 Joba St, Sow Tet STEEL PENS The Best Steel Pens Made Anywhere. UCH (Por zeerAL 161 BROADWAY. 688 BROADWAY. 723 SIXTH AVENUE. ] A tall glass, a spiral of lemon peel and a well iced bottle of MYLES STANDISH ena ALE Doesn't this make you thirsty ? “IT DOESN'T BURN.” L. BOYER’S SONS, 90 Water Street, near Wall, New York The Adirondacks Hotel Ampersand ON LOWER SARANAC LAKE An Ideal Mountain and Lake Resort Ten hours from New York without change. Within a short drive of all the prio: cipal resorts in the mout tains. Most Attractive Place for Young People A perfect nine-hole Golf Course. Swimming. Row: ing, Canoeing, Tennis and Dancing. HOTEL AMPERSAND Ampersand, N. Ye Chicago’s Theatre Train—12. 10. MIDNIGHT—New York Central. comicbooks.com