Life — June 6, 1901 — page 22: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

A SENSE OF SECURITY Tahd times ts over when de sun ts shinin’ bright An’ you doesn have to min’ de price 0” coat When de trees Is dressed up purty an’ all bowin’ so polite, Dat you coulda't he’p bat amile to save yon soul ! You rambles froo de clover An’ you Ilstens to a song. Hand times ts over When de summer comes along. Oh, de fish ts in de river, Jes’ a pinin’ to be caught, Au’ If de bread all happens to be gone, scdoesn’ make much dif unce even if tt can't be bought, Dar's always white folks you kin ‘pend upon So, don’ you worry, bones, It you's feeling good an’ strong, Dar aln’ no need o* money When de summer comes along. Washington Star A RURAL post-office, somewhere In wilds which shall be nameless, was kept by an old mountaineer named Saunders. The department at Washington bad been made aware of gross Irregularities In the management of the oMce, bat as Saunders owned everything tn sight around tt, he held tt Against all applicants. At last, so the story goes, an Inspecter was ordered out to look into affairs, He was forced to make his way afoot to the place, whose general wildness, coupled with the memory of some former experiences, made him decide to take his first observations from behiud a tree. ‘The office was a rough pine structure.in front of which sat & man, as rongh-looklog 4s the shanty, tlited hack inws bottomed chatr, placidly smoking a pipe. Presently he latd his pipe down, and pushing his hat back from his eyes, peered ‘over Into some bushes beyond the oftice and called out : Tee you, Jim Lari You needn't con roun’ here. T’ve tol’ an’ tol’ ye thet ye can’t hev no mail as long’s ye owe me fer them ‘taters ye bought las’ fall. Now git! From behind the bashes a shaggy head popped up, and a voice sald, pleadingly : * Saunders, I've beern there's two letters here fer me; thet one thet come three months ago, an’ one thet come Vother day. I'd like to hev ‘em. I'm feard some o” my folks is sick, or they wouldn't be a-writin’ so often.” “ Nary a letter do you git till them ‘taters 1s settled fei The postmaster's voice was decisive. + I've got part of the money to pay ye, an* Mary satd fer me to not dar’ come home without them letters, ef 1 hed ter wallup se to get ‘em.”* And now Larkin advanced, holding out some silver, and disclosing himself as something akin tn build and age to Saunders, The postmaster took the money, and going Loto the shanty, came out with # letter, “Thar's half yer mail, Larkin,” he said. “Now ef ye wanttother ye'll bev ta do what Mary sald fer ye to do. Come on! The next moment, without any preitminary skirmishing. Atoue another they went. In tess than two minutes Larkin was completely knocked out. “Thar!” said the postmaster, brushing the dirt from his checked shirt and overalls, “I need Jes’ a leetle sich exer. cle ev'ry day to keep me In good health, Tell Mary I feel so good over wallupin’ ye thet ef she comes over herself she kin hev thet letter, an’ I'll scratch the rest o thet ‘tater money off n the book. ‘Then the inspector, not unimpressed by the humors of the rural service, bat feeling tbat In thts case discretion was the better part of valor, made tracks for home without tnter- viewing Saunders, aud reported him at Washington as “run- ning his office on original business principles."* —Iniianapolis News. Hg pulled himself up at the hotel table, tucked hi under hls chin, picked up the bill of fare, and began It totently. Everything was in restaurant Frenc didn't lke tt, “Here, waiter,” he said, “there's nothing © want." “Ain't there nothing you would like for dinner, sir” “Have you got any sine qua non? The waiter gasped, No, sir, he repited. ot any bona-tide?* no, sir." Got any semper eadem? o, air, we baven't,”* “Got any jen d'esprits?”* No, sir, not on ot any tempus fagit?’? “Treckon not, str.’ Got any soirees dansants?"* “No, sir." The waiter was edging off, + Got any sine dle?" “We aln’t, sir, “ Got any pluribus unom ?" The waiter’s face showed some signs of intelil; b “Seems ter me I heerd of that, sir,” and be roshed out» the kitchen, only to return empty-handed. * Maybe you've got some beef and cabbage, and s cp of coffee? “Oh, Fes, sir, We have, exclaimed the waiter. io a tooe of the utmost rellef ; and he fairly few out to the kitcben. —Warp. this 1 Boy: Is thic instrument called a hddie or a violin? Proressor: Ven 1 blay ititisa violly. Ven you tassit Isa flddle.—Exchange. ot sale by all Newadealers in national Ni London, F Great Britain. 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