Life — May 9, 1901 — page 16: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

MR BLUFF Tle purchased Shakespeare Mnely bound— A forty-volume set; He searched for Dickens, Balzac’s tal The best that he could get; And Lugo, Huxley, Darwin, too, And twenty score beside. ‘They Itned his bookshelves while he read “ Proud Poll, the Pirate's Bride. * Of muste be bad Mozart's works, Keethoven's symphontes, A gilt piano, too, with reat Hand-whittled Ivory keys. Herr Wagner's bust adorned the room, And fancles rare would rise, Unt you heard him carol forth “She Made Them Goo-Goo Eyes.”" His dining-room was richly bullt; The cut glass weighed a ton, Twelve forks reposed at every plate— je never used Wut one. And sometimes he would not use tha: A koife was good enough When eating ple-this tells the tale Of self-made Mr. Bla. _ paltimore American: Osce, when Mark Twain was to lecture In a small West h town, be was greeted at the railway station by the lnister, who Was to be his host during bts brief stay. ¢ dlr way to the parsonage, the minister asked If It would be lrecable to Mark If he opened the lecture with # prayer, was the custom. Of course the humorist was delighted, @ accordingly, when they reached the hall that evening, } minister left the lecturer sitting in the corner of the plat- WILSON A SEISSORS AT NLLy form, took the centre of the stage himself, and proceeded to offer # prayer about haif an honr long, tn the course of which he gave his views on all the current affairs of toterest and concluded by saying: “And now, 0 Lord, we have with na to-night a man who ts known throughout ail the world as the great American hamortst. Help us, O Lord—help us to n- derstand what he {s about to say to us, and to be amused by it; and If possible, grant that we may derive some real benefit from bls lecture."— Argonaut. Case anit Comment tells a story of an Mlinols attorney who argued to the court one after another of a series of very weak polnts, pone of which seemed to the court to have any merit, uotil the court finally said: * Mr, —,do you think there is anything in these points?" To which the attorney replied: * Well, Judge, perhaps there tant mach ta any one of them alone, but 1 didn’t know but your honor would kind of bunch them."* Dx. D. K. PRARSONS of Chicago, Who within the last few years has given away mililons of dollars for the ald and en- dowment of smail colleges in various parts of this country especially In the West, recently told how @ mau could live to he one hundred, It was on the occaston of the celebration of his eightieth birthday at bls home tn finsdale, a suburb of Chicago, that he gave out these rules for longevity: ples or cakes; no patns or aches. Most men dig their graves with their teeth “If you overwork your liver It will soon tell on your brain, © Live like a farmer and you will live like a prince, “Men can live ten days without eating; they can't do without pure alr for five minutes. Don't get angry and don’t get exctted; every time you fret you lose a minute of life. “ Let a man abuse his stomach and he'll get fidgety, c to his family and go to the devil. “Doctors say don’t sleep on a full stomach; I take my after-dinner nap just the same, and I'm eighty years old You can't heheve all the doctors say “Lcared aman once by telling him he was a fool for Imagining that he had a dozen ailments. “If you catch a cold, lose your quinine and eat an onion “Give away your money; It's exhilarating and tends ty longevity. +The Idea of giving while one ts alive will become epi demic as soon as men discover What fan It ls.” —Boston Beacon AN old darky went to Memphis the other day to get his pension check cashed. After receiving his money, which amounted to eleven dollars, the old ex-slave sauntered down Front Street to a produce house and bought three crates of cabbages, When they were delivered at the wharf late that afternoon the old man was there and received them with » mouth watering tn anticipation of the good time ahead. + What yer gwine ter do wid dem cabbages?” inquired the negro drasmati who deilvered them. * Fat ‘em, * was the quick response; **I'se bin free forty years, and dis ts de first time I'se had de money to buy ‘bud cablage. I'se gwine ter eat cabbage till I furgit de way ter my mouf.""—Argonant. *L WAvEN'T much use for Bilthersiey,"” ssid the proud Papa. “Why?” asked the proud mamma, ‘Tlistened to kim for an hour to-day while he told me about what his baby had sald, or tried to say, aud Just as | was about to tell him about ours he left me, saying he had to eh a train, = Baltimore American oH Avenue de VOyera, Paris, FSTERBRoO 150 Varieties. For Sale by all Stationers. Worts, canées, 3.1. THE ESTERBROOK STEEL PEN CO. 26 ite 8. tev Tork perfect Esterbrook Pen. WHISKEY. That’s Ali! LIFE'S PICTURE GALLERY. We cannot fill any further orders for Lirk’s Picture Gallery, as the edition 1s exhausted, and it will not be reprinted in Its present form. 4E WILSON DISTILLING CO., Baltimore, Md, Lire PuBListino Company, New YORK. ABLEND OF THE SURBRUG 204 Broadway,NY. Agent. PTIAN TOBAGCO-