Life — May 9, 1901 — page 14: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

396 To Cupid. C H, little god ! although y Have gained for you a Although these hearts Still, you are heartless, just the same! ur darts ‘ion hearts, yours you claim When a Man's Married. if QUINCE the < world bi gan, that raucou mal, Man, bas been in- venting new systems of philosophy to ex- plain himself, massing immense piles of terial for historians to misrepresent, making and ons, method. diseases to die of, building railroads in geometrical lines with the money of widows and orphans, refining thievery into an art, reducing lies to a system and murdering by ball-bearing ma- Pat in that little affair of the heart, that moment of manly voice effort at the altar or before a peace justice, he is just about the same as he alw: was, The fact is, his only safety lies in an utter disregard for consequences. He may evolve world schemes, discover new stars and dissect the atmosphere, with all the cautious zeal and pains- taking toil demanded by science. But when he gets married, the less he knows about it the better. There is no argument with Cupid, Swallow the medicine quickly and ask not to see the prescription. There have been some attempts made to satisfy the demands of a se age. It would be quite wr course. to assert that our eyes have been Dlinded and our ears made deaf by the hum of the matrimonial bureaus. Yet they exist sporadically and some few (bloodless !) ¢ ures doubtless eke out a miserable existence from their profit They will ne r, be gerous. Th sure, a good steady commerce in hearts. But it is carried on, not by syndicates, but by individual families. It is strictly pri- vate, like rum ina prohibition state. The main current of matrimony, however, flows about as itdid. Doubt- less there is better material nowadays —in spots. Get far enough away from Newport and Fifth Avenue and you chincry. ver, hoy ne dan. ro is, to be “LAP IE may notice it. But this has naught to do with methods. Time was when a fellow went out with a club, and bagged a bride b fore breakfast. Now his bride bags him before dinner and he goes to his club afterwards. But in each case there is no attempt at order—no_ sys- tem. It just hap- pens as it always has. The victim and the result are the same. t the end of a a& man first ms to notice that he is married. He is then doing things to order. 3 off tr wife and 1 Bantut About this time he ing to understand his is to study the cook. He tbus travels along the line of least resistance, and learns what is most important to know, Besides, man likes variety, and when he turns his atten- tion from his wife to his cook, b pretty apt to get it. The subject changes often enough to suit the most carping householder, This is the servant girl period. So far as man is concerned, married life consists of a succession of problems that he gives up, and this is the first one. After viewing it from all stand- points, and learning enough names to stock an anthology of love poems, he retires from the arena and gets his meals at a restaurant — with his wife. We need experience in our daily lives, as it serves to sharpen our sense The Martian Lover: SOLS DARN THAT OLD PROFESSOR DOWN THERE ON Un's BEEN WATCHING US ALL DAY. of amusement over the follies of others. But experience goes even further with a married man, and enables him to be amused over himself, Thus a man married is two beings. He is what he would have been if he hado’t married And he is what he is. One laughs at the other, but never loud enough to ve heard. He knows better. Marriage in time may be reduced to a system. Let us hope not. When we have systematized all the forces of nature, when we have shackled electricity, put a rudder on the world, and started a universe factory for the manufacture of new planets to live in, let us be satisfied and not then attempt what we do not under- stand. We are the joyous, tearful, courageous, weak, erring mistakes of yesterday. Let us rather be this than the cut and dried automatons of to- morrow. Tus MONTH. comicbooks.com