Life — March 21, 1901 — page 7: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

“1901.” An Extravaganza. Persons of (he Drama; { William MeKinlius, Imperator. Marcus Hannicus, Grand Mogul. (Teday, the Mascot. (Aa the scene opens, the stage is crowded with a motley array of office-holders, OA Kites, pension- ers, stock-brokers, magnates and hangers-on.) OPENING CHORUS. Come, view us all together now And wondrous things you'll see. Prosperity lies on each brow. We are the G. 0. P. The Filipinos we put down In Anglo-Saxon style. We did them up quite sleek and brown, And prated peace meanwhile. Assimilation is our forte, And other things as well. We've war of every shape and sort, For war. you know, 18 H—I. War, war, war, Be this our battle-c We'll conquer and fight, in the name of right, Till no one is left to die. (Enter Marcus Hannicus, dressed in lood-red tights, with a crown made of railroad iron, a Standard oit can in Ads hand, and a sword ” Excalibur made of American steel and wire. He emules sedately and begins.) Song—Mancus Hansices. I'm the business representative of polities financial, ‘To the powers-that-be I know just how to cater. a °Tis true I like to rev- ae El in tergiversation, And I may play the dev: Il with assimilation. metnad, But this nobody knows, MISSioWAR, Becwuse, in phrases solemn, T cloak the nation’s woes And hide my spinal column, chores. Ha!.Ha! Ha! His phrases all are solemn! Ma! Ha! Ha! He hides his spinal column (Le tonca benerolently fo all arsembled, and takes hts place on a dais provided for the occaston, made of barrels, A tremendous buslle ts now observed, and long-continued shouts pterce the air, Then, riding on a grizzly bear, followed by @ truck’ loaded down with revotvers and rifles, ap» pears Teddy, the Mascot.) Song—Trppy, THE Mascot, Behold! re gazing now upon your Teddy, for war and blood and fighting’s always ‘Twould be difficult to contemplate a sway that's more substantial— I'm a kind of Presidential incubator. m full of blufl, real hot stuff, t miss a chance to show I'm By the President's side, As I ride~as I ride And bow to the crowd, Tam gratified At the homage I see, For I think you'll agree It's deference duly deserved by me! (He now executes a splrved jig, while the office holders throw bouquets at him, and continues.) Tf you want a receipt for that popular mys- tery Known to the world as a billionaire trust, notable tyrants in history ein a pie till they form a hard crust. Then take all the phrases that seem exeget- ical And bind them together and spread them on thick, Take arguments thin, with a dash hypo- al, And a trust you will have if you do the thing sl © cuones. “If you do the thing slick.” (This te repeated seven times, as the company — If 1 can have my headstrong inclination, marches and countermarches. | Then, (0 slo Woy 4 Rue cl anes ell everinitea music, a sound in the distance ts heard. Itprovee We'll pick a fight at once with every nation. tobe theapproach of Wiliam Me Kinlius, carrying T'll go off half-cocked, in one hand an army canteen, and over his rhs eCur Weneataretdoewed® shoulder a Methodtat missionary banner. He tows While your, wages, are i F benevolently to right and left.) And we pay for all the fun in deep taxation, Song —Wiittam McKixzivs, cuones I'd have you all to view For he is the genuine thing. Ha! Ha My triumph—it is final. And he dotes on the bullets’ ping! ping! It shows what man ean do Ma! Hat! Without a column spinal. He represents strife While others may get mad, And war to the kni : And balk at too much teasing, So to Teddy we'll all of us cling. Ha! Ha! My hand is always “glad,” WUC this agencral sional Uagiven.and Mareve, My smile is always pleasing. William MeKinlius and Teddy jotn hands,and