Life — January 24, 1901 — page 16: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

THE OYING CACET. ‘A youth, & would-be soldier, lay wounded at West Point, TMs chin was badly shattered, his nose was out of Joint His breath came hard and Jerky, at tines bunched Into sighs, And darksome was the color that hang about bis ees, Aknecling comrade asked him what message he should take Bato his distant klosfolk, and thus the victim spal “Go break It to them gently that when he died thelr Roty Was thinking of old Podunk, old Podunk on the Wab. “1 laaghed at thelr approaches with scorn when they began To make of me an officer and army gentleman. I polished up the riftes, swept out the stumns and quids And blacked the army brogans of Uncle § “e kids; But when [reached the hardships of war Thad vw squeal, My body was not armored with Carnegte’s famed steel, And, comnide, please express me, when my heart has ceased to throb, With muitary honors to Podunk on the Wab.” — Denver Evening Post. “Teil them in tender manner [ died a soldier's death, ‘The fumes of hot tabasco entangled with my breath, My nose clear off Its bearings, my eyes as big as moons, My hair shampooed with mustard, my stomach stutfed with prunes ‘Tey fed me on hot ollves served in cold axle grease, And when | made wry faces they hissed like horrid geese. And during the proceedings they laughed to hear me sob And wish myself in Podunk, In Podunk on the Wab, CHAPTER TL. “IT'S a good deal of money to put Into a Christmas pres- ent,” sald Mr. Spadds, “but it will give ber @ pleasant surprise, and T guess 1 can stand {t."* So he drew bis check for $00 for a diamond brooch for Mrs. Spudds. CHAPTER IL. “It looks ke paying @ great deal of money for a single garment,” remarked Mr. Spudds, “ but I can't think of any- thing she would like better for a Christmas gift, and this bas been a pretty good year, Il go It Whereupon he wrote a check for $375 for a sealskin sacque for Miss Spudds. CHAPTER IIL. “Mer mother will consider { @ plece of extravagance,” mattered Mr. Spndds, “ but she shall have as fine a one as “They fed me plaster parts, T think almost a peck, ‘Then made me drink hot water till fall up to the neck, And my digestive organs, though always prompt and pat, Were not prepared to handle @ contract such as that. | and then, they sald, to teach me to hear the {lls of war ‘They forced between my pale lips a Christmastime ¢ Then well I knew the sequel—l'd Jump my earthly J And find a grave at Podunk, at Podunk on the Wal there is in the market. Christmas comes only once a yeu. anyhow." And he wrote a check for $165 for a woman's gold waxy for Miss Calista Spudds. CHAPTER IV, “The girls and I are delighted with our presesa, Willam,’ said Mrs, Spudds on Christmas morning, “a4 now I will show son what [ have dove for you. Here itty “What ts {t, Amelia?” asked Mr Spudds, “Y's the silk necktle we gave you last Christmas, tare and made over, and Just as good as new." Bat what else can a man expect who transacts all by business by check, and never leaves any movey at hoa when be goes downtown in the morning? — Chteago Tribune. Loxp RatnMore has told a friend how he once wt “Ouida” In to dinner and how disappotuted he was to ted that the novelist devoted herseif to the dishes rather thas Intellectual refreshment. He sald at last, tn despair x. having only been able to get Yes" and “No” in answer, to the different subjects he introduced: “I'm afraid a singularly unfortunate In my chotce of topics. {4 there aay thing we could talk about to Interest you?" To which te chronicter of Soctety’s shortcomings replied : “There ts one thing which would Interest me very mock Tell me about the duchesses ; I have written about theaal ms life and never met one yet.""—Argonaut. reat Britain. The Inter. Building, Chancery Lane, EcRorray AGENTs—Messrs. Brentano, 37 Avenue de l'Opera, Maria, The Public Knows the best whiskey. WILSON Hence Hunter Baltimore WHISKEY. That’s All! Rye to Years has the largest sale. Old, Mellow and of Fine, Rich Flavor. THE WILSON DISTILLING CO., Raltimore, Md. Wa. Lananman & Sow, Baltimore, Md. FREE! A SIGNED GIBSON DRAWING! A may be yours for nothing. THE Each proof signed personally by C. D. Gibson, matted and ready for framing, 14 inches by 11 inches in size, on Japan paper. We show herewith a sketch of the beautiful heroine of Mr. Gibson's new series of cartoon: ‘*A Wipow and Her Frienps,” Mr. Gibson’s latest and most important work, which is now appearing in Lire, The portrait is much larger and shows her fall face. PLATE WILL BE DESTROYED You can secure the signed portrait only by sending $5.00 for a new subscription to Lirg for one year. The drawing will not be sold or reprinted. It is for the exclusive ownership of our subscribers. At the expiration of this offer the plate will be destroyed. FEBRUARY FIRST. New subscribers will receive for five dollars a year’s subscription to Lire and the signed por- trait which you can get in no other way, also all the copies of Lire in which cartoons of ‘The Widow" series have already appeared. THIS OFFER EXPIRES ON THAT DATE. \ This offer is net. THIS 18 NOT THE PICTURE YOU WILL RECEIVE. TIS MENRLY GIVES AN IDEA OF THE Winow. Lire Pusuisurne Co., 19 West 81st St., N.Y. comicbooks.com