Life — December 27, 1900 — page 15: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

The Day After Christmas. 'M the day after Christmas, I must confess I'm not a scheduled, authorized Bort of aday, To be capitalized And all that, but I come around once per annum Just the same, No special edible has been set Apart in my honor, yot. They make no spread Over me. My name is Referred to with dread, Tho healthiest Digestive apparatus Has qualms at the mere Thought of me Each year. Pills, powders and bromo Seltzer are my gastro- Nomic portion, but no rite Of appetite Is more carefully attended to Than mine. Indeed, Tho only trouble with mo Beoms to be ‘That I may in time Supersedo New Year's asa day For swearing off. Reform me, did you say? Well, hardly. Reform is a good thing, But it won't do to begin It on me, What you want to do is To reform Christmas, Bee? Edbeard Martin Conley. The Contest of Beauty. N this issue the page of beautics opposite makes its final appear- ance. The name of the winner will be announced as soon after January fourteenth as the poll can be made up. Some contestants have not read the conditions carefully, and have sent in pages bearing no name or address. Of course these pages will not be con- sidered. “YOU NEEDN'T SAVE MY CHIN AS T AM QOING TO RAISE A GOATEE.” YES, SIR—AN—ON WHICH CHIN DO You WISh TO START IT, sin?" ITTLE TOMMY’S sister had been ill, and when he saw her he ex- claimed, “ You look as though you had swollered a skeleton too big for you!”