Life — October 11, 1900 — page 18: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

Ir probably will never be settled whether there were stronger men before Agamemnon or not. The question Will All the same be raised. This matter of the old times va. the new Is treated, in @ style pleasantly reminiscent of Praed’s admirable fooling, by a Cornhill poet, who, remembering that Mr, A. J, Baifour has incurred reproof for not liking bis own century, very prudently leaves the question open. Touching upon the rongher, cruder ways of the fathers In peace and war, he contrasts them with our own : ‘Then, should a too Inxurious fare ‘Sow sickness’ seeds (which was but seldom), A vow or inexpensive prayer At once effectively expelled tem Not yet the boons that Science brings, No microbes yet could vex and plague you: At worst, you died of common things, A fever or perhaps an ague. How changed the modern’s lot from yours! Dally do spectallsts aright his Inquiring mind with scores and scores Of things that end tn death, and -(tis Of allments new with newer terms At Sclence’s feet we're always learning, With wholly unsuspected germs Awaiting us at every turning. ‘Twas hard undoubtedly to be Beheaded by a tyrant’s mintons, Because you chanced to disagree With bis tyrannical opinions : Yet, when I view the countless swarm Of troubles new that maim and Ktll us, Proscription seems a lesser harm Than Medicine with a fresh bacillus! T §ASORS A Nill 0, men of old | your ways, Town, Were harsher far than ours and rougher : Sill, had you but by presctence known What complicated tits we suffer, Would you have longed to snare our plight, And tread our path by Truth enlightened? Tcannot say. Perbaps you might : And then, again, perhaps you mightn’t! =A. D. Godley. New York Evening Post. Make Twatn Is @ good talker, and Invariably prepares himself, though he skilifally hides his preparation by his method of delivery, which denotes that he {s getting ts ideas ‘and phrases as he proceeds, He 1s an accompltshed artist 1a this way. Ils pecullar mode of expression always seems con- tagious with an audience, and @ laugh would follow the most sober remark, It ts @ singular fact that an audience will be in a laughing mood when they first enter the lecture-room ; they are ready to burst out at anything and everything. chester, Cona., there was a good illustration of this, the Hon. Demsham Hornet having @ most unpleasant expertence at the expense of Mark Twain, Mr. Clemens was advertised to lecture in the town of Colchester, but for some reason fatled toarrive. In the emergency the Lecture Committee decided to employ Mr. Hornet to deliver his celebrated lecture on temperance ; but #0 late in the day was this arrangement made that no bills announcing it could be circulated, and the audience assembled, expecting to hear Mark Twain. No ove in the town knew Mr, Clemens, or had ever heard him lecture, but they entertained the idea that be was funny, and went fo the lecture prepared to laugh.- Even those upon the platform, excepting the chairman, did not know Mr. Hornet from Mark Twain ; and so, when bis name was Introduced, thought nothing of the name, as they knew Mark Twain was & pen name, and cupposed his real name was Hornet, In the town of Col- , Mr. Hornet bowed politely, looked about him, and re- marked : *Intemperance ts the curse of the country.” The audience burst into # merry laugh. Ie knew tt could not be at his remark, and thought iis clothes must be awry ; and he asked the chairman, in a whisper, If he was all right, and received “ yea" for an answer. Then he sald: * Tkam slays more than disease!" Another, but louder, laugt: followed. He could not un- derstand it, but proceeded : “It breaks up happy homes‘? Still louder mirth. “It ts carrying young men down to death and hell 1 Then came a perfect roar of applause. Mr. Hornet began to get excited, He thought they were poking fun at him, but he went on: | “We must crush the serpent! *" A tremendous how! of laughter. The men on the plat form, except the chairman, squirmed as they laughed. Thea Hornet got mad “ What I say 1s gospel truth,” he cried, The audience fairly bellowed with mirth, to. man on the a:age, and sald : “Do you see anything ridicalous in my remarks or behavior?" “Yes; ba! ha! Goon!" repited the roaring man. “This ts an insult,” cried Hornet, wildly dancing aout. More laughter, and cries of ** Go on, Twain.” ‘Then the chairman began to see through a giass darkly, and arose and quelled the merriment, and explained the situ- ation ; andthe men on the stage suddenly ceased laughing, and the folks in the audience looked sheepish, and they quit laughing, too ; and then the excited Mr. Hornet, betng thor- oughly mad, told them he had never before got into a town 80 entirely populated with asses and idiots, and, having sald that, he left the hall in disgust, followed by the audience in deep gloom — Ainsle’s Magazine. Hornet tarned For sale by all Newsdealers in Great Britain. The Inter- onal News Company, Bream's Building, Chancery Lane, jon, B. C., England, AGENTS. ECROPRAN AGENTS—Mesars. Brentano, 37 Avenue de l'Opera, Paria, Established 1823. WILSON WHISKEY That’s All! HE WILSON DISTILLING CO., Baltimore, Md. Works, Camden, 5.3, FSTERBROOKS 4150 Varieties, For Sale by all Stationers, THE ESTERBROOK STEEL PEN CO, 2 Jota 8. tov tert. STEEL PENS (oe tsvensnconaca Every Esterbrook Pen Is Warranted, The Brunswick Cigar is now and always will be the best Cigar for the moncy—consistent in quality, quantity and price. Try them once—you will smoke them always. JACOB STAHL, JR. & CO., Makers, 16sth'st. & 3rd Ave., N.Y. City. Look for Arrow on Every Cigar. tteesterenenenseeeecsceseseeeseetes FORE! Life's Book for Golfers. A richly illustrated book, carefully rinted on heavy paper, dealing ex- lusively with the game of Golf in its musing and sentimental aspects. lrawings by Gibson, Hanna, Gilbert, Lichards, Blashfield, Hutt, and many thers. Cover Design by Gibson. Price $2.00, =e pr Soi sunT PostPaty By LIFE PUBLISHING COMPANY, NewYork. HALF PORTIONS. | Fifteen short stories by the cleverest of Live's writers, profusely illustrated and handsomely printed. Price $1.25. ATTWOOD’S PICTURES. An_ Artist’s History of the Last Ten Years of the Nineteenth Century. A collection of the clever and satirical vignettes by FrancisGiLsertTATTWOOD, illustrating the history of our own time. Price $3.00. CHEW BEEMAN’S THE ORIGINAL PEPSIN GUM Cures Indigestion and Sea Sickness, Southwestern Limited—Best Train for Cincinnati and St. Louis—NEW YORK CENTRAL. comicbooks.com