Life — October 4, 1900 — page 16: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

THE ARMY MULE. Let others sing of the noble horse, High-stepping. brave and gay, Who prances proudly o'er the course In his patrician way. A humbler Ogure claims our song, A victim of misrule, The poor, oppressed, yet tough and strong, American army mul The iong-eared mule, Missourt mule, The balking, biting, Kicking, Ogtting, Rough and rusty, Tried and trusty, Tough old army mule. He's no prize beauty, and, beside, He wasn't made for show. The meat inside his leathery hide Is gristiler than crow, But warring nations wait until He comes across the se Before thetr armies move to kill The blarsted enemy. He's ugly, churlish, crabbed, glum, And cross, and sullen, yet He's won his crown of martyrdom. A thousand times, you bet! That tough old mule, Missourt mule, That aw-he-hawing, Kicking, Jawing, Bucking, bitng, Swearing, fighting, Ugly, rancorous, Rude, cantankerous, Old, moth-eaten, Weather-beaten, Measly, plebald, Gilstentng eyebatied, Grouty, grumpy, Rope-tatled, dumpy, Darned old male, Missourt mute, American army mule. — —Chteago Tritune. “ON de square,” sald Plum Poddin’ Tommy, after spending & night tn the Sacramento fall, “dem bulls at de Capitol are de freshest guys lever seen, Wot do ye tuk of tem trowin’ me an’ sixteen of de gang into de cooler, and den stootn’ us out o* town de nex’ mornin’? Wouldn't tt rasp yer? “Why did dey pick me out? 1 wasn’t doin’ any rough work, I cut de res’ of de circult out, and Just as soon's I git Into town dey pinch me. Tough? 1 should say It was. “You'd oughter see de res’ of de gang, though. Dere was Jockey Lew. He tinks he's a high-class tout, ant was awful sore wen he glts rounded up. Why, be bad a bundred and twent in coin of de realm, and he had to give Itto de duck what keeps de Jail. De Sneaky Kid didn’t have nothin’, but he swelled up like a millionaire wen de bobby says, ‘Come wid me.’ Dey was a couple o' hop legs in de bunch, and dey had a terrible time. 1 felt sorry for ‘em, on de level I did. Dey kep us in de pen all night, and den tole us to sneak tn de mornin’. “If yous felleys stick around here,’ saya de main cop, “1 trow yous in agin and vag yous all.’ All excep’ Vicks- burg Wood. Dey let him stay because he had a stroug drag wid some polltictan, “Wen de bull takes me, I swells up some meself, “ *Say," L says, * you don’t know who you're pinchin', + Ob, yes, do,” he says; ‘yer # tout, all right’ “elt Tam,’ 1 saya, ‘I'm on de level. I'm de duck wel touted Admiral Dewey.’ And wot do yer tink dat bull sayy] It near knocked me silly when he balls me ou +L always tought dat Dewey was a sucker,’ le sap ‘ithe hadn't been, he wouldn't a’ salled over dem dere ta pedoes tn M'nlla Bay as if dey wasn’t uothin' but peavey] Come on." “And [had ter go. 1m bloomin’ well tired of dese be Jay towns, anyhow. I'll cut ‘em yut and confine my open) tions to de meterpolltern tracks." — News Letter. Tae nine hundred and ninety-ninth version of Maxi Muller, clipped from the Autler Herald, sizes ber and te hay fleld up In the following metre “+ Muud Muller on a summer's day raked the meager fresh «with hay, and the bumblebee and garter snake sbe ain raked with her litte rake. And the wind that blew tx! summer's day brought Maud freckies In a frightfal way ; axl her neck was roasted and her face was baked, but still er raked, and raked and raked. It seems that ber pap wu away that day to some polttical fol de ray, and her motde, too, Was @ delegate to a hen convention out of the Stim And the hired man tn his hand-me down was attendings circus that day in town. So Maud was left aione that day» do the chores and rake the bay. And she pitched right, her level hest and only took an occastonal reat, then shed spiton her hands once more and take a better hold on ber little rake. But as she wrestled the bew-mown grass, thee words from her lips did sadly pass : “Of all sad words of tongue or pen, the saddest sm these, “They've gone again, they're away attending otter folks’ affairs, and left me bere to manage theirs." "" — Indtanapotis Pras, Newsdealers in Great Brita national News Company, Bream’s Building, CI London, E. C., England, AGENTS. For salo by . The Inter- ncery Lane, EUROPEAN AGENTS—Messrs. Brentano, 37 Avenue de l'Opera, Paris, Established 1823. WILSON WHISKEY. That’s THE WILSON DISTILLING CO., Baltimore, Md, larity without ; Popularity Nothing eatable or drinkable ever attains lasting popu- the intrinsic merit of The Standard of Hunter refined quality. Baltimore Rye always Pure, Old and Mellow, has made it the most popular Whiskey, because it is the purest type of the purest. WM. LANAHAN & SON, Baltimore, Md. Beautiful Kittens in exquisite colors ; charming manners and. dispositions : finest stock tn America; all ages and colors. Pictures locta, WALNOT RIDGE FARMS CO., Box 2:25, Boston, Mass, ; ’ AMERICAN Dixon’s GRAPHITE PENCILS Are the Standard! Their Leads Don’t Break Their Grades Never Vary Pencils for All Uses ANGORA KITTENS Each one bearing our trade-mark, the best of its kind. If not sold by your dealer, mention LIFE, and send us Ic. for samples worth double. JOSEPH DIXON CRUCIBLE COMPANY Jersey City, N. J. - BEAUTIFUL BUST Guaranteceda CUNSIQUE positively Nis out all hollow and scrawny places, develops and adds. perfect shape to the whole form wherever deficient. GUARANTEED TO DEVELOP ANY BUST > oF Money Refended. Coraique positively enlar- ges bust. Itis the Original French Form and Bast Developer ond NEVER FAILS. Booklet mailed FREE, showing ® per- fectly developed form, with * fall Instructions how to be- come beantiful. Write to-day or call and see demonstration. MADAME {A218 TOILET 00, Dept. BX, Monroe Ave, & 634 St, Chicago, Il. Why Take Chances When you can be sure of it? OLD OVERHOLT “Bottled in Bond? direct from the barrel at the distillery. A. Ovennoit & C PITTEBUKO, Po The Great Passenger Line of Amerca—NEW YORK CENTRAL. comicbooks.com