Life — August 30, 1900 — page 13: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

The Churchman and the Chink. “CAN YOU BEAT THIS FOR EASE AND COMPORT? AND THE NAME ‘LITTLE PET.’ A Fanie. 2. WAS a saffron-hued Chinee ary, Suave and sanctimonious, very ; Chanced to meet, one pleasant day, Out in China, far away. “John,” the Christian thus began, “You're a most benighted man, And, if you can spare a few Minutes, I would plead with you.” For an hour, or maybe two, Spoke that Missionary. Do You desire I should repeat All the details of the sweet, Kindly, solemn discourse he Showered upon that mild Chinee? No; suffice it that he spread Christian talk upon the head Of the Heathen, till he had Proved to him his life was bad, That his Joss was good for naught, ‘That from all which he'd been taught He should (from that instant) turn, Banish, loathe, forget, unlearn. Oh, this adept at the trick Laid it on, and laid it thick ! He convinced the Chink, in short, That the only proper sort Of religion on which to count Play the habp, in heavenly ban’, Allee same like Melican man? Wear your halo, blight and pure?” “Sure,” said the Missionary, ‘sure! of us! Henceforth! Christian is Christian ; south or north, East or west, whenceever he came, Christian's a Christian, fact and name. And if Heaven will take in me, John, you'll be welcome, also. See?” Once again the Heathen child Lifted up his face and smiled. “ Now,” said he, ‘I guess I go Out by China, for 1 know I be welcomed in that gland, Lubly place you call your land! I be Chlistian, 80 I can, Allee same like Melican man, Go to that United State, And enjoy its mercies gleat. I be Chlistian, and I'm boun’ Stlaightaway for Boston town !”” Then that white man’s face to view Would have been a treat to you! “Cease,” cried he. ‘ Benighted child, Let your fancies not run wild. Dost imagine that you may To my country journey? Say, John, you'd find a stack of gates Up in the United States Mute that Missionary sat. Mute, and turned away his eye, Thinking of a good rep!: But the best that came to hand Was, “Oh, you can't understand !”” Calmly rose the Heathen kid, Up he rolled his sleeve, and did What was very wrong, no doubt— Threw that Missionary out, Like a stone or stick of wood— Threw him hard, and far, and good! Saying, with an accent bland, “Oh, no; meno understand!" Poor, misguided Heathen one! ‘You must pay for what you've done. Righteous men are at your door, You must answer with your gore For your deed of dreadful force. You can't reason why, of course, You must yield to their demand. Heathen, “ You don't understand!” Paul West, A New Method. IFE learns from scientific sources that the new process of rendering wood fireproof has reached such a degree of perfection as to render its universal use in the future a strong probability. This invention and its application is If you tried to pass the shore. No, my yellow friend, give o'er Your ideas. From dreams pray swerve. Slant-eyed youth, you've got a nerve! ” respectfully indicated to the officials of the New York, New Haven and Hart- for1 Railroad. Untider the present well-known system now in force at the Grand Central Railway Station, the cars ara kept out in the heat of a broil- | ing hot sun until just before the trains are ready to start. Bat if they were rendered fireproof, they could, by artificial means, be sub- Why not good all samee, then, jected to a much greater heat, and thus For the land of Melican men? increase the edification of the passen- Mission feller, tell me that!” gera. Issued from a single fount, Flowing—not in bad Pekin, No; the fount located in His fair country, far away — That is, Boston, U. 8. A. Then that erstwhile Heathen boy Smiled a smile of goodly joy. “Oh,” said he, and wiped his eye, “Melican man, he make me cly. Me, poor, heathen Chinee man. You no leally mean I can | Go to Heaven, blight and blue, When I die, along of you? Honestly, you should have seen What a change o’erspread the mien Of that vexed and puzzled Chink. “Ha,” he faltered, ‘‘ let me think. Chinee man all light can go To your Heaven. You tell me so, comicbooks.com