Life — August 2, 1900 — page 16: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

A Dear Sermon, a Wise Editorial and a bit of Sage Ad- vice once decided that Humanity was sorely in need of anew Soclal Structure, and fell to discussing plans and specifica- tions, and figuring out the number of storles and towers and gables and doors and windows, the parlor and dining room and kitchen aud laundry and bed room and bath room ac commedations that would be required to make Humanity comfortable and happy, The firm of Hardwork & Common- sense stood ready to undertake the contract and put up the Structure immediately if Humantty wanted tt and ing to foot the bills. But the promoters of the enterprise ald |, and that they must rely upeo y to wheedle money out of C: who has means of squeezing It out of Humanity, Besldes they preferred to give the contract to Evolution, a dissipated old duifer who doesn’t belleve In working, but in letting things take thelr natunal course, and who promises to have the Structure done in several hundred, or may Ve several thou- as will. Moral: Humanity doesn't seem to take any lively Interest tn the new Soctal Structure.— The Straight Bulge. ‘Tue young King of Spain has @ mind of hisown. one of the hot days last summer his French tutor dict exercise, in which occurred the phrase: “ She possessed in the highest degree the distingulshed manners and grace of speech Innate In royal princesses."* “The man who wrote that never lived at court, that's certain !"" remarked the boy King. + What makes you think sot’ demanded bis astonished tutor. + Why, Just look!" repited tlie King, potnting to his two alsters, who happened to be tn the room. “Look at those royal princesses! Look at thelr distingulshed manners!” Marta de las Mercedes lay sprawling over @ table, looking Daring ed an sleepy and overheated, Maria Teresa maintained © more ladylike attitude, but was abstractedly scratching her bead with her left hand in apparent embarrassment over a prob- lem of French orthography. Alfonso pinched the arm of his eider sister and pulled the halr of the younger. “Oh, you horrid boy 1"* they Loth exclaimed. “There's your grace of speech!" commented his Majesty.—Ware. Tuk Rev. Lemuel Coburn, a Denver divine, had just retired with the wife of his bosom, Ie was sinking fnto his Leauty sleep, when bis wife aroused him «+ Lemuel—sh—there's a man In the house!" + Oh, lemme alone, Same old man you've had fur fifteen years. “Lemuel,” she hissed, “it's a burgiar, silver rattle! Will you go down, or shall “Er—you go, my love,” yawned the clergyman; “a man of my cloth must be careful with whom he axsoctates,”* Tcan bear the — Exchange, W. 0. ToLvoRD tells a good story of a light. to who wandered Into one of the restaurants of Washington, D C., the other day, When a watter intimated to him In the gentlest way that lie could not be served there, this conversation ensued: + Wha’ can't Ih be surved heat?” + It is aguinst the rules.” “Guess you tek me foh a colored man.” “ Aren't you?” “Me colored? Ni “Malay, eb. from? “Why, uh, from Malaria, ob course.” sun, I'se uh Malay." Let's see; where do the Malays come Argonaut. ‘The Inter- n's Building, Chancery Lane, “ Way, it's old Diogenes!" cried Skininus, as the azcieat philosopher, lighted lantern in hand, plodded slowly dow, the street. “Hullo, Diog.,” cried Patroclus, in bantering tones; “found that honest man yet?" ‘The sage stared up at them, “Honest man!" he grumbled. ‘I'm not looking for an honest man ; I gave that up long ago.” And he turned to hobble away. “Then what are you looking for?” cried young Hercitax Diogenes paused. “I'm looking fora hired girl,” he growled ; “ours let yesterday." — Cleveland Ptain Dealer. A FRENcn woman of great personal charm was visiting s New York family and was being entertained at a roof garden, In au tnteriude by the orchestra she turned to her host asd asked what the musiclans were playing. “1d Leave My Happy Home for You," answered tbe host. “Yes, I know," answered the lady, wyth @ glance of | cuquetry, “ but ze tune zat zey play, M’sleu—vat ees eet?” — Exchange. “Tux whole civilized world ought to be Interested ta putting down this Chinese uprising.” “1 should say so, Why, an historical novel writtea to Chinese dhulect would be simply awful."” — Indianapolis Journal. Macistrate: You are charged with talking back ata officer, sir; have you anything to say? Prisoxer: Dayvil a wurd, yer honor—Ol ve sed too | mooch alreddy.— Ohio State Journal. ECROPr.AN AGENTS—Messra. Brentano, 37 Avenue del'Opera, Paris, Established 1823. WILSON WHISKEY. That’s Ali! THE WILSON DISTILLING CO., Baltimore, Md. FSTERBROOKS 150 Varieties. 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