Life — July 12, 1900 — page 15: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

dially) : So good of you to ask us, you know. Dasuaway: My pleasure, I assure you, Hallo, old man, what you got so many clubs for? Why, half of them are new. Mrs, WiitTLer: That’s my sec! Mr. Dashaway, will you believe it, I'm learning to play. DasHaway (heartsick) : say 80? Mrs. WuittLer: Yes, indeed. I went around last week with a set of borrowed sticks —excuse me, clubs— and I have been playing more or less ever since. Iam just crazy over the game. Wuitt ier: I told my wife I thought it was an imposition on you for both of us to play to-day, but Dashaway (bracely protesting) : Non- Ben I'm delighted to think Mrs. Whittler has started in. It will do her lots of good, Mrs. Whitten: There, Jerry. What did I tell you? I just knew Mr. Dashaway would like to have me play. All men are not so selfish as you are. You don't But can’t we begin now? Iam so impatient. DasHaway: Certainly. Here, boy. You caddie for this lady, and you two for us men. You drive off, Mrs. Whittler. Mrs. Wiittter: Oh, dear, I'm so nervous. You make a tee for me, will you, dear? DasHaway (gallantly stepping for- ward): Allow me. Mrs. WHITTLer : Thanks. Now,I— Everybody says you are such a good player, Mr. Dashaway. I do hope you'll show me, I expect to learn so much, Dasitaway : Don't be nervous. Just stand easily and naturally and keep your eye on the ball. Mrs. Whittler, after several fidgety at- tempts, brings her club down on the ball like a hammer, and it rolls off sideways into the bunker, Mrs. Witter: Oh, dear. I just knew I would do that. Dasiaway: Never mind, Take it over again, Caddie, throw. that ball back. (Aside to Whittler) While we are waiting, old man, will you have something ? WHiITTLeRr (brightening up) : Why, I “A large, refreshing drink.” don’t mind. My dear, take a fow practice drives. We'll be back in a few moments. (To Dashaway) My dear boy, I'm afraid this is a good deal of an imposition on you. The little woman is so interested in the game that I couldn't refuse to let her play without offending her. Dasnaway : Of course you couldn't. I understand. Don't concern yourself, old man. Each takea a large, refreshing drink of good old Scotch whiskey, and they return to the tee. Mra, Whittler has just driven her ball into the first bunker for the seven- teenth time. WHITTLER (calling out): Stay there, my dear, and we'll help you over (steps up and makes a hundred-yard drive, Dashavay follows with one of a hundred and fifty). Mrs. WHiItTLer : talizing? Dasuaway : Lot me show you. Hold the club sideways. Hit it well under, Try again (ball finally rolls orer bunker). Mrs. Wurtt.er: Now, what stick would you advise ? Dastaway : Try thiscleek. Just try tohit the ball. That’s the first thing. Isn't this tan- 35 Mrs. Wiittter (fanning the air): Isn't it awful? Iam afraid I am keeping you. DasHaway (with deep meaning): What an idea! We are in no hurry. WHuiITTLER : Keep cool, dear, Mrs. WHITTLER (sending the bailabout three fet): Oh, dear. You'd better sit down and wait for me. DasHaway: Oh, no, we won't do that. But I think I see a friend in the club house, Come on, old man, I want to introduce you. If you'll excuse us, we'll be back ina moment. Just keep right on. Mrs. WHITTLER (absorbed tn the game) > Certainly. I'll take that over. Caddie, please put it in a real nice place for me. Whittler and Dashaway repair once more to the club house, where they take several drinks of good old Scotch, At the end of half an hour they stagger out on the course and dimly discover Mra, Whittler in the distance, making desperate efforts to putt into the firat hole, Mrs. WHITTLER (a8 they approach) : Where on earth have you been? Do you know (atill absorbed in her game) 1 am really doing better. Dasnaway : Let me show you (tries to hit ball). WittLer (grabbing club away from iim): Here! You can’t play ! Mrs. WuittLer: Why! Oh! What is the matter? Oh, you horrid, low men! Disgraceful! You've been drinking ! She hurries away from them in high duageon, and walks back to the club house on the verge of nervous prostration, DasHaway (leaning wp against a stone wall): ‘F Thad a wife that played a game like that, I’d be full all the time. Wuittter: ’F I hadn’t been drin ing, 'n’ you should say a thing like that, I'd knock you down, but as we both hit ‘em up pretty lively, I can only say, old man, that I agree with, you. Let’s have anozzer. THE NEXT MORNING, Mrs. Waittter: I want you to promise me that yon will never take another drop. Wuittier : On one condition. Mrs, WuittLer: What's that? WuittLer: That you'll never again try to play golf with any friend of mine, Tom Masson,