Life — June 14, 1900 — page 16: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

CHARGE OF ALFREDO AUSTIN (Written under the ineptration and in hum'de Imitation of his great lyric on the rellef of Mafeking ) Waiting, with pen in hand, For triumph of England On South Africa's strand Sat the laureate Forninst a writing-pad— Desire frantic he had To make Englishmen giad With rhythmic tre-at Hark [ ‘tis the newshoys now Blooming ts the-tr row : “ Hextry ! Mafeking sife!"” For the glad poet ; Dashed he to pad his pen Charged prosody rules then, As be did before often Or Vin a gout. Charged he with broken met- res and with uneven feet, Accent atress misplaced, great Pronunctations ; Fled prosody pell-mell, Dacty! and spondee fell While wrote Alfred Iike—well— Startling the nations. Lot hetsat it yet, Swats trochees —en effet Slaught ring—nor up he'll lete— Tired of It are you? When shall he out be played? His pen cruel be stayed ? Oh! the wild poem he made— Wouldn't tt Jar you? — Patrick J. Tansey, in New York Sun. Enow Cart Hexrz, the noted conjurer, has rather a horror of small-boy confederates, aud no wonder. On one occaston he was performing in London, and, borrowing half a crown from one of the audience, he placed It tn the centre of an orange. The idea of the trick was for the coin to dixappear and find Ita way into the pocket of a youngster at some distance from the stage. Mr. Hertz, at the proper moment, called upon # boy in the crowd to produce tt, Fumbting in his pockets fur a moment or two, while all eyes were turned Upon him, the boy at last tlsbed out a quantity of small change. “Here's two and threepence-halfpenny, sir," he shouted; “7 got thirsty, so I changed that half-crown you gave me."* — Argonaut. ‘Tur. talk about the revision of the Westminster Confession has brought to light a poem written by a clergyman who was settled In Malden, Mass , from 1656 to 1705. It was a descrip- tion of the Great and Last Judgment, and the poet thus Tepresented.the Lord replying to the cry for mercy from babies that had not lived « diy : You sinuers are, and such @ share as sinners may expect Such you shall have ; for I do save none but my own elect. Yet to compare your sin with theirs who lived # longer time, 1 do confess yours ts much leas, though every sin's a crime. A crime It Is, therefore in bisa you may not hope to dwell, But unto you I shall allow the easiest room tn bell. —wN. Y. Tribune. Wnex James Whitcomb Riley and “Bul Nye traveled together giving & Jolnt entertainment, the humorist had great fun with the poet. Once, in tntroducing Riley and himself to an audience, Nye remarked : “ L will appear first, and speak until 1 get tired ; then Mr, Riley will succeed me and read from bis own works until you get tred.""— Argonaut. 4 IN the “ Humora and Rinndera” comer of the Library Journal we tind the followiug tribute to contemporary Mterary fame : ‘ SMALL Gint (at the delivery desk); Will you give me the book my sister wants? Lrexarian : But what book fs It? SMALL GIRL: Ob, 1 don't know, But she wants it very much. LIBRARIAN (at @ tenfure) ; Is It “To Have and to Hold?+ Swat Gine: Yes; that's tt—all I could think of was It you get It, keep It." — Ereniay Post. Tue shade of Bonaparte came up to where Cronje mt emoking. General," began the great Napoleon, ‘of course you came to this Island on an English ship.” “Quite right, General," responded Cronje. © And did you staud near the rail in bold relief?" “Yes, Geueral.”” “ And your back was turned on the officers? “T think so, General.” “Then the matertal for the magazines of future geners- tions Is ausured.” — CAtcago News, A CINCINNATI man. having bought some red flannel shire which were guaranteed in every respect, came into the piace of purchase after a fortnight and complained that the article ‘was not what it was sald to be “Why nott’ asked the clerk, “thave they faded or shrunk?" “ Paded! shrank! Young man, when I came down to breakfast with one of them on, my wife asked me : «What are you wearing my pink coral necklace around your throat for?’ " — Exchange, SMALL talk ts the art of speaking before you think, —The Club Falow, national N London, E. C mpany, Bream's Bullding, Chancery Lane, England, AGENTS. 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